I hate all the holidays….

amother

Red

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 12:21 am

What is it that you hate? Noise, disruption, hard work, lack of structure, too much family time, expenses? It might help to zero in so you can minimize the hard stuff.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 12:24 am

I hate that peer pressure of purim (eg MM).
I don't find it fun. I find it stressful. I hate keeping up with the cohens, but then I feel bad that I'm not. So I'm a major ball of stress and emotions.

My Dh gave me a whole speech today that I am undoing all our chinuch with my attitude Mad

Pesach is hard and stressful, but not an external holiday it's in your own kitchen, and unless you have guests, no one sees What S going on in your family. Know what I mean?

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 12:46 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

What is it that you hate? Noise, disruption, hard work, lack of structure, too much family time, expenses? It might help to zero in so you can minimize the hard stuff.

All of the above.

amother

Beige

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:54 am

I used to hate Shabbos because all of my distractions were gone and I was forced to look at my messy and dirty house and unable to fix it. But not because I hate mess and dirt THAT much, but because Shabbos made me feel like an incompetent wife and mother.

Is your hatred of Yomim Tovim the same way? If so, maybe your expectations can be adjusted?

Or maybe you're not giving enough to YOURSELF on Yom Tov? When the Chachomim told us we need to be happy on Yom Tov, they gave specific suggestions, like wine and meat for men, new clothing for women, treats for children. What makes YOU happy? And are you treating yourself to those things?

For me, for example, on Shavuos I make sure we have an extra cheesecake just for me. I buy myself a new book or few for Pesach. On Purim I reserve the right to any Bissli or chocolate and save myself a nice stash.

Anyhow you're not alone OP! I hope you are able to give yourself what you need to enjoy the special parts of each Yom Tov, even if you don't ever come to love them wholeheartedly. Heart

Happy Purim!

barelyawake

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 12:10 pm

It’s a lot of work.
It feels meaningless to me.
Nothing about it is fun.

quote="amother [ Red ]"]What is it that you hate? Noise, disruption, hard work, lack of structure, too much family time, expenses? It might help to zero in so you can minimize the hard stuff.[/quote]

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:02 pm

Purim is not easy. The kids act nuts. The ASD child keeps losing it. My husband is a nervous man who fakes being calm. I hate it. Earlier today I thought about running far far away. (I would never.)

amother

Lilac

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:13 pm

You are not lying to them. You are being mature and chinuch oriented and mevater on your own needs in an appropriate way for your children. Davening that Hashem Sends you true inner joy so your outside happiness matches your inside.

imorethanamother

Fri, Mar 18 2022, 4:33 pm

[quote="barelyawake"]It’s a lot of work.
It feels meaningless to me.
Nothing about it is fun.

Question: did you like the holidays when you were growing up and didn’t have to work to make them?

I loved them all growing up. My mom never made herself crazy about any of it. Homemade costumes sometimes hastily thrown together at the last minute, the same MM every year, the same food for most of the holidays but we were just so happy to be off of school and to see my parents and any company we would occasionally have.

So maybe if it’s the work, we can strategize on ways to reduce it and the perceived stress of it all?