I'm Jealous of the wealthy, all action are there...

amother

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 8:48 am

To clarify: I called to invite a brother for our meal, he said that my sister invited him before so he'll go there. Then I spoke to another brother who said that he too was invited to my sister.
She didn't do it the previous years and she doesn't have an open house. I just knew she invited them.
My brother told me 12:30 that he drank alot and can't drive.
12:45am she leaves me a message that the family "just showed up", and I am welcome over.
They were already tipsy, or "high" at that point. Now that was so much fun going on, she invites us... at that hour, no Thanks.

I did prepare a nice meal, and tried inviting people, but they wanted to go where the money is, that's where the real action is...

Also, my older boys go with their classmates to wealthier people, so they aren't around with us...

Our situation is just being magnified at this time of year.

Genius

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:01 am

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

When there's a certain standard in a community and you're at the lower end of that standard it hurts.

She’s not talking about standards here. She is clearly talking about rich people. The wealthy aren’t the standard.
Honestly jealousy isn’t my weak point. Maybe I should get off this thread, but I don’t want to. I grew up surrounded by the richest my community offers and it was fun to have action right outside the window. And if they’d invite me when it became fun I would totally go over. Especially if it was my sister. Maybe she assumed you’re set up for the meal and you wouldn’t be interested, but once it became lebedig, she figured you’d enjoy and invited you?
Now that I think about it, I would love if a particular family member sent me a text when it became interesting so I wouldn’t have to sit there for many boring hours until action rolled in…

naturalmom5

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:48 am

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

On Purim, the division between the rich and poor doesnt bother me, its one day. Big deal.

What bothers me , is the multiple decorator decorated homes, the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, the popularity. Klal involvement, constant vacations, easier Shidduchim, no guarantees, but usually money helps in Shidduchim, things that are all year round.

Just think of sitting in the freezing cold for hours, days ?? , on tHe Moldovan border with small children
No food or clothing, NOTHING...

amother

Peach

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Okay that’s very different. You’re hurt that usually your family comes to you but this year they went to your rich sister, who didn’t even bother inviting you. Of course you’re upset. I would tell her straight out that I’m hurt. Might not do anything but I like to clear the air.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:27 am

Not specific to Purim but I find posts in which people attempt to convince others that rich people are inherently unhappy because they have unique "rich people" problems to be ridiculous.

I know a lot of rich people - and to some extent I am now rich myself.

I have been "poor" and now I am not.

Even though I still have the normal problems of being a human being, I can safely say that none of my problems are caused by being "rich". If anything I am better off because I have money to deal with problems and my money allows me to alleviate the stresses of "normal" life. I don't worry about dentists or therapists and have the ability to pay for cleaning ladies and other conveniences. I don't worry about repairs or home maintenance. If my car breaks down I either have it fixed or I am able to buy a new car to replace it. I am able to be charitable and generous which gives me pleasure.

I can't think of a single problem that was caused by having more money. I don't have any false friends and the idea is laughable. I don't lie in bed thinking about people who are richer than I am and being envious nor do I spend mental energy worrying about getting more money.

amother

Dimgray

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:14 pm

so it seems u feel left out and mistreated by ur sister...it seems ur sister gets the action and also has it easier bec she can buy anything while u r suffering with not enough money for....

im sorry that u r going through this...my 2 sisters r wealthy n im not ...they r sahms n get together etc etc while I work 2 jobs...they
never include me and yes, im very hurt by their behavior...n while im happy for them that they have money, I wish I can be a sahm n have money to ....etc etc

im sorry for ur situation.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where there's money, there's the action and excitement. All the groups of boys come over and sing, they bring along music and excitement...

Being that we're poor, no one comes in. So boring...

Vent over

I don't want to say we're poor but we live very modestly and live 2 blocks out of the neighborhood. So no action here. I did make some meaningful deliveries and plan to visit someone later.
Sorry about the family politics. Hope your day picks up and Hug

amother

Smokey

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:59 pm

Years ago I was at a low key pesach program in an exotic location. I got to talking to a guy, a venture capitalist, who obviously had a lot of money. He divides his time between his work and his philanthropic ventures. Anyway we got to talking about how he chose the program and he said he loves going to program where no one knows him or what his bottom line is, this way he’s not hit up hard for money (Aliyah’s, kibudim) all of Yom tov.)

That was a real eye opener. I’d hate to be the families who have people come schnorrering for money. That sounds awful to me .

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 2:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Perhaps look at people in lesser situations than you. I'm jealous of you right now that you have a home that you can call boring.

Being divorced is so lonely especially more so on Purim.

And my ex used to be one of those with people lining up for money.
And I'd stand and watch in silence at him lapping up all the Kavod he was getting from all these people... Looking like such a good hearted giver yet really at home he was nothing like that....

amother

Birch

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 2:45 pm

I know a lot of wealthy people and they all have an open door on Purim so why not go in? Most of them have ladies that come to just to eat something. Great way to meet neighbors and make friends. It's not all about tzeddakah collecting a lot of these people do it for their kids as well so it's nice to just stop in and visit especially on Purim and you can also be a part of the "action".

amother

DarkOrange

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:47 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

I don’t think there are rich people problems I just believe that everyone gets their unique package in life and if I have to choose I rather have it hard financially than any other hardships. But of course no one gets to choose and I just try to focus on the fact that it’s all from Hashem and whatever I’m going through is exactly what Hashem planned for me at that very moment and it’s all good even if I don’t understand why. So if I get to choose my problems I rather it be financial

amother

Aqua

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 4:12 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Wealth usually means less stress but I do believe a happy person will be happy with or without money and vice verse.
I grew up VERY poor. Five years ago my husband and I didn’t have $36 for matanos levyonim. Now bh he started a business that brings in about half a million a year. Happiness comes from inside not from money and sadness also comes from inside .

amother

Pear

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 5:17 pm

Well here we are at home. Dh went off to some rich friends party, no idea where. My Older boys went collecting at the rich parties. We can hear all the music from all the parties around us. My 6yo is playing on the tablet cos he's bored although he's the type to dance the night away. And my tween dd's are crying that we have such a boring seuda. They can hear the music and are so sad. Most of the food I prepared is uneaten bc without dh and older boys what's the point.

And I'm putting the baby to bed in tears because my kids are sad.

So yeh, we'd take some fake friends right now if that would get us to have friends over

amother

Viola

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 5:50 pm

I heard a rabbi saying that if you're not given wealth, it's be ause you've already passed the test of giving tzeddakkah in a previous life.
If Hashem gives us money, that means we have an obligation to give tzeddakah. It's a huge responsibility and test. The fact that groups and people come over does not take away from that. In fact it can add to it. Not everyone appreciates a bunch of strangers coming in and out, but does it anyway in order not to turn them away.
Also, if you're kids are so miserable at home, why not turn on music nice and loud and dance with them? You create the atmosphere and they pick up on it.

amother

Pear

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 7:14 pm

amother [ Viola ] wrote:

We did turn the music on and dance. But after 10 min it got kind of sad, can't compete with the blaring music from down the block, and there's just 4 of us...they said its nebby and weren't interested.

My posts are sounding like I'm so bitter. I'm really not. Bh we are a happy family and purim is 1 day a year and we'll get over it. We already did. My big boys are home, my girls calmed down, 6yo went out for a bit and e1s happy now.

My point was really only to the people who say well rich people have such and such problems, to say that doesn't really help when poor people can have the same problems too. Zehu.