My kid didn't get any shalach manos

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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Learning

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 2:51 pm

This is so sad. Does he have friends during the year. Is he happy in a school?

ra_mom

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 2:55 pm

I'm so sorry!! 😞

Cookin4days

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:17 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

Sure it is. But it’s literally misses the point of the day. It’s not Halloween. To me this attitude is what’s wrong with the entire day. It’s not about how much candy we collect. I feel bad for kids who live in a community where the point of the mitzvah has gotten lost

You’re being overly harsh on a child. Your attitude is a killjoy

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:36 pm

Cookin4days wrote:

You’re being overly harsh on a child. Your attitude is a killjoy

I’m not being harsh towards the child. I’m harsh on society/community that turn this day into a popularity contest. It doesn’t t have to be that way. Shaloch monos doesn’t equal love (or friendship or care or anything) and same for not getting. I’m not blaming the kid for his feelings, they don’t exist in a vacuum. I’m blaming everyone around him who is sending him these messages

Cookin4days

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:38 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

Why can’t it also be a fun holiday for the kids too. In what community where a child is excited to give something he made to a friend and would not be disappointed since said friend isn’t home

amother

Salmon

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:39 pm

Lawngreen, you sound life an amazing and perfect person. You’ve obviously reached the epitome of Middos and Mitzvahs, I’d love to learn from you. Do you give life coaching classes, because you totally should.

amother

Lightgreen

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:45 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

So shaloch manos actually sort of does equal friendship- it’s “ish l’rei-eihu”

amother

DarkYellow

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:52 pm

So when I give to families we give out regardless if anyone is home . For my kids , they only drop off if a friend is home . I only let them give out 3-5 each and they can't handle not getting it back.

bigsis144

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:52 pm

Mishloach manos is NOT matanos la’evyonim.

Most kids understand that tzedaka is a one-way street. You give to someone, zehu.

MM is a mitzvah of equality and friendship- even if we don’t give with the desire to receive in kind, it’s very normal for a lack of MM to feel bad not because “less candy, waaaah” but because “is no one my friend?”

amother

Lotus

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:58 pm

amother [ Garnet ] wrote:

Why don’t you go out and drive him to some friends?

Did you read what she wrote? She drove to 5.

amother

Lotus

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 3:59 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

Same with the mommies and their themes

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 4:51 pm

I rmember one year as a child that not one friend came to bring me mm. My mother had recently had a baby and so my father only took us to teachers, no extras that year. I remember crying a lot that night after Purim was over. I was really heartbroken that not one friend had thought of me, whether they did or not Was irrelevant, it was my perception and belief at the time that not one friend cared. It really stung. And I was older than your son, I was in 6th grade and I still remember it well. Sending some hugs!

amother

Brunette

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 4:57 pm

My kids school have the kids pick lots where they have to give this one classmate on purim. This means that every child in the class is guaranteed to get 1 MM.
As adults we feel hurt if no-one was to give us, so why should a child be any different?
I hope op that at least one of the boys he gave to will come give him back. Sometimes it's only later in the day. I don't know how far you had to drive, but people often can't rush back out as soon as they get back in, so they could still come later on.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 5:22 pm

Go get him candies and treats. Children especially boys really want the candies. It’s not all his disappointment but maybe it will help a little

amother

Cherry

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 8:22 pm

That's so disappointing! No one came to bring my son mm either. I did bring him to many friends though and they were almost all home to give back. This happens every year for him.

amother

Apple

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:43 pm

amother [ Cherry ] wrote:

That's so disappointing! No one came to bring my son mm either. I did bring him to many friends though and they were almost all home to give back. This happens every year for him.

I finally figure out this year that my dd always promises all of her friends that I'm driving her to their houses, so they shouldn't bother coming to us. I always feel so bad that her friends don't come and so I end up driving her to all of their houses. Now I know why!!

amother

Azure

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:52 pm

My son also did not get a single mishloach manos from his class of 27...

amother

Snow

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 9:57 pm

Same here… my daughter prepared 10 mishloach manos.,, at the end she only gave 3. She’s in 7 grade. She told me that now it’s obvious that she doesn’t have friends 😢

Ds went to his room on Purim and I found him crying. He’s 6. He told me he’s crying because no one brought him anything . I ended up driving him to 2 classmates.. at least he had that

amother

Currant

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:20 pm

Not all kids have parents who are willing to drive them around, especially if they have multiple kids and have many other people they feel more obligated to visit.

We had an only child for many years and we were willing to take him to his neighborhood friends and some of his classmates who lived nearby as well as his teachers and rebbis. Now that we B"H have a few more children we don't have time to drive each kid to so many people. We only have one car so that's also a limiting factor. This year we actually had to borrow a second car from our parents for the day because our kids had class meet ups at the same time in completely different neighborhoods and the only way we could make it was to split up.

Speaking of class meet ups, that is something you may want to consider suggesting for next year. One family in a central location can host and all the kids in the class go at a specific time for no more than half an hour. It's a bit much to prepare m"m for a whole class of 20+ kids, so usually we have each kid bring 2 and get 2 randomly (like a grab bag). Sometimes we have each kid bring a small treat that they can give to everyone. This way everyone gets something and they get to show off their costumes and it makes them so happy. Despite the stress of getting multiple kids to their class meet ups it beats driving all around town to all the friends. And best of all, no one is sad or insulted that their friends didn't bring them m"m.

amother

Iris

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:23 pm

My kids are giving in school tomorrow because we live far from his friends. They didn't get anything today either, but they understand because of the distance.

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