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My kid didn't get any shalach manos
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amother




Bottlebrush
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:07 am
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
I'm definitely being triggered. But I don't think I'm wrong. 😂

I am genuinely curious (and also skeptical) what kind of community do you live in where kids have no expectations of receiving MM.


The community exists in her mind, not in real life
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:10 am
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
I'm definitely being triggered. But I don't think I'm wrong. 😂

I am genuinely curious (and also skeptical) what kind of community do you live in where kids have no expectations of receiving MM.


In large frum areas w purim traffic I think it is pretty common for kids to only give/get from neighbors. My kids have zero expectation to receive from anyone outside a few blocks radius. They do get plenty from neighbors though.

However, contex matters. I'm not sure where op lives.

In big communities, if you don't have neighbors (eg. New neighborhoods) you will need to be the one to reach out. You still may not catch them at home but hopefully they'll find a way to get an exchange or you can make sure to catch them if it's that important to you.

I will say that I grew up oot with one school, but pretty spread out over 2 square miles.. No purim traffic and like 8 girls in the grade. If I recall correctly (I'm in my 40s) we did bring to my friends and vice versa. However it took.us less than 1.5 hours to bring everywhere. In that situation it would be pretty awful to not get any.
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MrsDash




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:11 am
Come on guys, everyone knows it's not the point of Purim, but we're humans with emotions. How many of you can honestly admit to not feeling bad if you didn't get a single shaloch manos?

Last edited by MrsDash on Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:13 am; edited 2 times in total
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:12 am
amother [ Snow ] wrote:
No, I don’t think I made a mistake. Many weeks on shabbos this girl comes over without being invited. It’s very hard for my daughter to have her over for hours and hours. Sometimes my daughter invited another friend and they are quietly playing when this girl shows up and the enjoyable afternoon is no longer enjoyable. She can stay for 6 hours, long after other friends left until I tell her straight out it’s time for her to go home. She answers me that she doesn’t want to walk home herself. We end up walking her even though she walked over to our house herself. (It’s a safe neighborhood and she is old enough to take the short walk alone) I’m talking about her staying here for 6+ hours and not being an enjoyable guest. The last few weeks she didn’t come. My daughter is right. This girl would be knocking on our door tomorrow afternoon and insist on what game to play, ask for dd to show her all the nosh, always asks if she can go upstairs to see the bedrooms even though we have a playroom we want friends to play in. She asks dd how old her parents are and on and on… she simply lack manners and social skills and pushes herself on my daughter.
I insist that my daughter be nice to her her and to everyone. I do not allow my children to be mean to anyone. It doesn’t have to be that she goes out of her way to do a nice thing if it would make her feel uncomfortable for many hours and days afterwards .
You have to understand the whole story before you judge. I think my daughter’s line of reasoning was correct. I’m proud of her for having good intentions. Yes, it would have been nice to bring something over but not if it will be interpreted as my my daughter offering to be her best friend from now on.


I still think you are wrong. My daughter has a friend like this as well, who comes over and stays for hours. I encourage her to get this friend mm as it just makes her feel good and it was nothing for my daughter to go over and give it to her. I don't think she thinks now that they're best friends or anything like that, and she'll still come over the same way she was coming over before.
Also, in my house when it gets too much on this girl is over. We firmly tell her the playdate is over. You have to go home now. I have no problem saying that to her. Usually she gets the message and leaves, but once in a while she doesn't and then I'm a little stronger with her. I still don't think there's anything to do with giving her mm on Purim.
For the record, most of my kids gave their mm two kids in the neighborhood and my nieces and nephews. We went around to a couple kids in their class who happen to have been near a teacher but otherwise we did not go out of our way.
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:14 am
amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote:
The community exists in her mind, not in real life


I’m sorry that you think I’m delusional and that you don’t know how lovely Purim can actually be
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amother




Crystal
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:24 am
To all mothers saying they have extra MM drive around today bringing to friends.
They might not get back. But it’s really nice to the other kids
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amother




Sage
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:33 am
We actually never give friends from school. There's no way to know they'll be home - everyone is out the same way you are!
Where I live people mostly give their neighbors - it's the one day a year where you say two words to the kid your age around the block even if you never play with them LOL .
If someone wants to give a friend from school they can give before or after Purim.
To all those saying their kids got no mm - do you not have any neigbors with kids around your kids age?
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amother




Navy
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 2:36 pm
My high school daughter is quiet and easily forgotten on Purim. Only one girl came to our house. We dropped off by a few girls, some wren't home and she left them for them. 2 are less popular than my daughter didn't give anything in return, I believe they are socially off and didn't realize they should return.
We discussed the mitzvah of giving people who on't get, she went to give some disabled kids.
She had a great day, she didn't dwell on the fact that Shelly got ONE!
I'm more upset, but we're focusing on how many people she made happy yesterday.

It's upsetting to kids (and adults) to be forgotten about, no matter what the reason is.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 2:59 pm
As a teacher, I realized some of my students would have this. I asked all the parents to drop their kids at my house for an hour. Each kid was told to bring a certain number of mm and they pull a name or two from a hat to give to and they get back from the kid they gave to. We also said a complement. Kids ate healthy snacks I provided while we did that. Then played a short game. Then kids went home, and parents didn't need to shlep them around town anymore
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amother




Eggplant
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 3:52 pm
amother [ Cognac ] wrote:
I always made personal ones for my kids and put in cute little things from Amazing Savings like stickers and coloring books. Then, I baked and added hamantashen and juice boxes and wrapped with plastic and bows. They were always really excited to open the Mommy Mishloach Manot and it didn't matter that most of their friends lived in another community.

This I would make them a fun lunch and pack it up like shaloch manos. Once they were reading I would print a few jokes or riddles.
I also included a small lego (fake) or craft or game ($1) something small they Can fidget with while they eat
Also each sibling gave to the other
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motherfrmisrael




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Mar 19 2022, 3:46 pm
Thar hurts.
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amother




Diamond
 

Post Sat, Mar 19 2022, 9:00 pm
My elementary and middle school kids all had class meetups arranged via the class chats.
Everyone appreciated it, and no one was left out this way. They have small classes, so it was possible to make enough small MM for everyone in the class and way less stress for the parents.
I don't know how we managed it before we started doing these meetups.
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