Husband doesn't think aggressive/secular games etc. are bad

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Gray

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 9:01 am

Raising children in a home where both parents are on the same page will do them alot more good than the nuances you mention doing them bad. My kids don't have violent exposures and never choose lofty purim costumes... trust your dh and let it go. And daven. That does aload of good...

amother

Chicory

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 10:28 am

We were raised without exposure to guns or violence. I agreed with that chinuch and started out implementing that, until I had an eye opening conversation with my brother. He said he felt the rules and restrictions really backfired with him. It created a need for guns and learning more about the whole genre. Since our mother didn't allow it, he found friends to play the games with behind her back.

I realized that there is a very real gender difference here. I think it's hard for us women to relate to because most of us don't have that need, and didn't as kids, to play violent games. So it doesn't seem like a big deal to restrict them. But boys are wired differently.

After talking to my brother, I backtracked and now have Keym's approach. I allow guns and violence in make believe games. Bh irl, my kids are overall very sensitive and empathetic so it doesn't seem to have had any negative effect.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 10:53 am

amother [ Chicory ] wrote:

Violent play makes adults uncomfortable, but it serves an important role in child development, by letting kids work through ideas of good and bad, crime and punishment, power and helplessness, in a safe setting. Boys are particularly in need of this outlet, and it should not be denied to them. Obviously, games where kids are hurt or bullied are unacceptable, but a rowdy game of good guys versus bad guys is developmentally appropriate.

Sports, with their ritualized violence, are important as well. Kids need to play ball. If they don't have this outlet as children, they are likely to act out as teens.

amother

Trillium

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 10:47 pm

My little boy with a love of guns and weapons has grown into a frum heirlich young man with a huge database of knowledge in his brain about guns and aircraft carrier weapons. He might even turn his passion into a career one day…

I did attempt to have a no gun house. As you might imagine that really didn’t work. I kept waiting for the stage to end. It never ended.
He just loves guns and learning about them.

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