Need Support! Any moms with DMDD (Personality Disorder)kids?

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:31 am

Just one of those days, so many outbursts all techniques and tips hardly help in the spur of the moment and some days I'm just to drained and tired to be the calm regulated one 😉

anyone that I can cry it out with? I honestly don't know of another mother irl raising a desruptive moody and dysregulated child...or tweens with challenges that mimic a personality disorder

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 9:16 am

I'm sorry for you, dodgerblue I so badly don't want to get dd onto meds...

I'm currently reading "the uncontrollable child' by Matis miller and I'm finally feeling like someone in the world gets that some kids just aren't your run of the mill

It isn't just angry outbursts I'm referring to. I mean kids that are grouchy and negative and always blaming others and truly suffering in a way that effects the entire household

I do have friends and family but doesn't help much. Nobody believes how truly complicated this child is...

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 9:45 am

I just found this diagnosis and it fits my 10yo to a t...every little thing you ask risked a violent outburst and hours long tantrum....the entire family walks on eggshells when DC is around...everyone down to the baby has been physically hurt, we had the police at our door bc of DC's tantrums....don't even ask. We did everything right, parenting classes, discipline, positive reinforcement...everything. Now DC is on rispiridal, and things seem to be getting better but I am still so scared.
Everyone blamed me, even DH blamed me, for all these years. If I was a better mother...if I parented differently...if I spoke differently...punished less often....expected less...I showed DH the DMDD diagnosis and he apologized and I was in tears...all these years everyone blamed me and I blamed myself and in the end its the child...for years I told DH it's an organic problem with DC, not a problem with my parenting and DH insisted that it's not an organic problem, it's solvable with different parenting skills and I should work on my own responses...

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 9:46 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Yes I'm going out of my mind, I came on here to see if there are any posts about this. I feel like crying all the time, it's too draining to stay calm all the time, I feel exhausted from it all. I never know what will set him off. I don't have any support or family where I live aswel.

Is this how abusers are made? Add a few years to your child and mine and they'd be considered very abusive adults....

bigsis144

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 9:53 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Yes, one of my kids has a DMDD diagnosis, along with social anxiety and impulsive ADHD.

It’s so hard to walk the balance between “this isn’t his fault, I need to have compassion for a kid who neurologically can’t handle the world around him, and find accommodations to reduce his internal stress until he builds coping skills”

Vs.

“You are not my only child. I am a person too, not just an eternally patient robot with no feelings. The world isn’t out to get you. Please stop overreacting to every tiny disappointment and slight. Please think about how *your* actions might be affecting people’s attitudes and actions toward you - you don’t exist in a bubble, and the world will not have the same compassion towards you as I am trying to have!!!”

It’s exhausting and I wish I had advice. Just empathy.
You are not alone, and it’s not your fault. 💙

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 10:46 am

OP thank you for starting this thread. I have never heard of this diagnosis before but it seems to fit my child exactly. She is always so irritable and unhappy, has extreme over the top reactions to minor frustrations. She can seem totally fine and from 1 second to the next a switch flips and she's having a screaming outburst for what seems like no reason. I spend every minute with her walking on eggshells because I never know what will set her off. I even remember speaking to the pediatrician when she was still a toddler and asking if it's possible she has a mood disorder because her behavior was so extreme (she is not close to being my first child so I knew what was normal and this was definitely outside the bounds of normal toddler behavior). She has been writing with a therapist for a little while now but she is still young and so the progress has been very very little (like in not even sure there's been any). I'm definitely going to bring this up at her next appointment to pick her therapists brain if she thinks this diagnosis fits her.
But know that you are not alone. Sometimes I feel so alone dealing with this child. It's not like I want to discuss this with everyone for the sake of my child's privacy. And even even I do mention things here and there people are like oh it's normal... they have no idea how severe the behaviors are and how exhausting it is to deal with this every single day. I try so hard to be patient but inevitably I snap at some point and then feel so guilty because it's so obvious that she can't just control her behavior. And it affects the whole family both because we are all on edge and because my other children get upset that she gets away with so many things just in an effort for us to mitigate some of the tantrums.

amother

Hyssop

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 11:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My friend ghostwrote that book and it's really excellent! He also has a masterclass online that she said is supposed to be good. https://masterclassparent.theu......com/

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:47 pm

amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:

Neuropsychologist or Developmental Pediatrician might be able to help.

amother

Candycane

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 3:08 pm

DS (age 10) diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and DMDD (or possibly juvenile bipolar - I'd much prefer to think it's DMDD!) Weve gone thru some pretty crazy times!! No, this is NOT comparable to your standard hyper/ kvetchy / wild kid. The unpredictability literally shot my nerves. So what to do? Meds meds meds. No chart, book, or parenting technique took root til the meds laid a foundation.

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 10:09 pm

amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:

Is this how abusers are made? Add a few years to your child and mine and they'd be considered very abusive adults....

This comment actually sums up all my extreme pain I have with raising this child. I shudder to think of her future. Although I've read majority of kids outgrow dmdd (but it does manifest itself in anxiety and depressive disorders )

To the Amother that said her daughter was having extreme tantrums as a tot already, boy can I relate!

amother

Seashell

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 11:14 pm

I find this thread so validating! Thank you for starting it! This is my son exactly, minus the official diagnosis. He’s officially diagnosed with anxiety/ocd and possibly adhd, but I often wonder (fear) if it’s really something bigger such as bipolar. Our entire family cannot function when this child is in one of his moods. I often worry about the trauma this chaotic life is creating for my younger children. And it has an awful effect on my Shalom Bayis too, as we both “blame” each other in some way for this child’s problems.
My son is on a mood stabilizer, but it only does so much. And it can take forever to find the right medication for your child- so frustrating!
Hugs to all you fellow Imas.

amother

Tue, Apr 05 2022, 1:10 am

amother [ Heather ] wrote:

Dmdd sounds a lot like my child with pandas before they were diagnosed and treated. You may want to look into that as a root cause for the behaviors.

Interesting but I think I'm tired of searching for root causes and rather just accept that this child's genetic makeup is just very emotionally intense.
She's been like this since she's a tot if not earlier, like..Can a child have pandas for 10 years?

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 05 2022, 7:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Same. My son seemed to be wired this way from birth.