I'm so upset re babysitter

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:32 pm

I sent my toddler to a babysitter. The main reason I chose this place was because its a 'small' group. In lakewood, where I live, most private babysitters can have between 8-12...babies per group. I find that extremely unsafe etc.

anyway, I know its crazy hard to find a group in town now. I know I'm BH not in that position. at the same time that I feel so bad for the mothers desperately looking for a group, I did not sign up for my group to expand just because everyone is so desperate.

my babysitter was 'forced' into taking an extra 2 newborns. of course I was told that it was just temporary but now I was told 'so far its working out'/

I'm not seeing any effect on my baby. He's not a newborn so he doesn't need so much care and attention. but I'm upset.

(just fyi it runs as a mini daycare but its not 'legal')

do you think I can say something to the owner? Its not an option for me to pull out because there's no place to go anyway. I dont' either want to cause any bad feelings because I'm good friends with the owner. And both new babies that added to the group I'm also very friendly with them...

amother

Hyssop

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:34 pm

Is there one woman taking care of 10-12 babies?

I agree unsafe and I don't know how they do it.

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:38 pm

amother [ Hyssop ] wrote:

Is there one woman taking care of 10-12 babies?

I agree unsafe and I don't know how they do it.

yes!!

sarahph1

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:40 pm

Ya I don’t know how that’s fine
It sounds extremely unsafe

causemommysaid

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:44 pm

If you dont want people playing games like this you need to send to a legal place with inspections.

I agree it's unsafe. People will do this though because they get more money. It's wrong but nothing you can do about it.

Bh your child is a toddler and doesn't need so much care. I feel bad for the newborns

amother

Navyblue

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:44 pm

Wow I would also be very upset!

If she has any policies regarding pulling out you probably don't have to follow them halachically if you'd like to go that route.

If you have no other options or don't want to pull out you definitely can say something. Not sure if that will change anything though.

amother

Peach

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:46 pm

My 3 year olds morah did the same but it’s a bit different than a babysitter - went from 19 kids to 23 now Sad

2 morahs - what can I do, it is almost end of the year
I would say something for a newborn/baby

amother

Banana

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just signed up my toddler for playgroup for next year. I was very insistent on a small place (kiddie group) not more than 6 kids. Couldn’t find. I asked the morah openly if 12 kids is not hard to deal with alone. She told me she does it for 20+ years and had years with assistants, years with 6-8 kids and when she had so little kids she was so bored, she felt she can handle more. 12 is most she can do and will not push in anyone for any reason. I felt I can trust her, she was very honest. I also asked references etc. and of course the amount of years of experience makes a difference.

My point being, if your babysitter was “forced” to take in 2 more babies, can she truly handle them all? I’d be just as worried. Is it unsafe? Not if she can handle all the kids and in case of emergency manage to control them. I’d have a talk with her and see the vibes you get from her.
I think it’s strange though that she’d take newborns if she also has toddlers in the group.

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:54 pm

amother [ Banana ] wrote:

just the opposite. When you have multiple ages its much easier to deal with then having 6 newborns or something like that...

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:56 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

I wish wish wish. I'd even pay bloody money to do that but its literally not an option. I live in the central part of lakewood and work in that area too. There is not a single legal day care that would take my children of any age if I do not have CHS. no one was willing to take a private pay child. I've called every single daycare in my area and even a little farther out. they all said I'm wasting my time.

Its not an option to drive across town in this traffic to send to a day care that would accept me. that would mean about 2 hours of just travel time both ways just to drop off my child.

ETA-I actually did it one year because I had changed jobs in mid of year and my children were on the other side of town.

I cried every day. its was beyond dysfunctional to commute to your babysitter. and then back to your job.

amother

Butterscotch

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:58 pm

I babysit at home. I have a group of 5 toddlers and just one infant. I've been turning down kids a lot, but as much as they beg, I would not feel safe having any more, and I don't think I could take good enough care of the kids if I had more than I currently have.

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 12:59 pm

amother [ Butterscotch ] wrote:

\

thank you! I totally agree. that's why I'm so upset.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:03 pm

amother [ Butterscotch ] wrote:

I was desperately looking for a place to send my toddler and called TONS of people. They all turned me down.
It ain’t so easy to “force” someone to take you kid lol

Luckily someone new opened a group for his age right near our house and we are THRILLED so far BH BH BH

amother

Blush

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:03 pm

Yes, it would say something. I didn't at the time, but I only realized how much an affect it had until it was too late, and my DC is still dealing with issues that I refused to send out for my next child.

amother

Banana

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

just the opposite. When you have multiple ages its much easier to deal with then having 6 newborns or something like that...

I wouldn’t know as this I’ve never sent to babysitter/daycare before. I just haven’t heard of anything like this where I live.

Sesame

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:07 pm

I always ask before that if she had the opportunity to take more, up until how many kids would she take.
If you had an agreement you could say something, but seeing as they’re friends and you’re not going to leave even if you have the option, there’s no point.

amother

Natural

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:10 pm

This is horrifying! Your toddler may not need as much attention but all it takes is for the babysitter to look away and something to slip into his mouth for it to turn bad very fast.
Could you consider getting a babysitter in your home and see if another 5 kids could join and split the cost?

amother

Latte

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Can you explain this, please? I don't understand. What do they care what the source of payment is so long as they are paid?

I agree it's unsafe to have some many babies with one adult. And even if you pushed the safety issue aside for a moment, there is no way your baby is getting even close to the care and attention needed for such a young child. It's neglect. Plain and simple. No matter how nice the lady running it and how good her intentions.

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:16 pm

Sesame wrote:

I specifically asked and was told that the group is 6 with MAX a 7th baby. now we are up to 10...

I mentioned something when the first baby was added and was told 'yeah we'll never do that. its too crazy with so many babies...:

amother

Mon, Apr 04 2022, 1:17 pm

amother [ Latte ] wrote:

go ask the Lakewood day care centers. their calculation is something to the affect that If someone with CHS wants a few slots of multiple kids and I already took a private slot up then they loose out on that family so its not worth it for them...

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