My community is dying... I am so torn.

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 7:15 pm

We live in a small OOT community, and it's dying. More families leaving each year. Fewer families joining. school and class size shrinking. I am worried about my kids socially with tiny class sizes. I am so torn - do we stay or do we go? How will my kids handle the change socially, going from OOT where everyone is accepted to in-town where there are cliques and large class sizes? How will they handle it academically, shifting from super small class sizes with lots of 1:1 attention, to a large class where they can be lost in the crowd? How can I support my kids through this transition when they have such different needs (for example one child is socially awkward and super smart, and another has special needs)? So many questions, so many unknowns...

I don't want to swap one small OOT community for another that could go down the same path in a few years. Moving is tough, I don't want to do this now, or ever, and certainly not again (unless we are going to Eretz Yisroel with Moshiach). I don't even know how we'll afford living somewhere where the cost of living is higher.

Any other Imas out there who have been through something like this? How do you make the decision to move and where? How did you get through it? How did the kids handle it?

TravelHearter

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 7:17 pm

Why not go to an in between community? One that is growing and not going down the drain? But not so big that you’re lost?

amother

RosePink

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 7:51 pm

I had the same problem. I moved to Philadelphia and we all love it here.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 7:57 pm

Israel is always an option, even without moshiach. Obviously much depends on your jobs, though.

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 7:59 pm

I'll come to your community! We are looking to get out of the in town

amother

Olive

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 8:15 pm

Im so so sorry your in this situation. The community I grew up in is on major life support and often doesn’t have a minyan Shabbos. It’s so hard. What community are you talking about

Iymnok

Wed, Apr 06 2022, 11:21 pm

My parents just made Aliyah from Seattle. It’s so sad to hear how it’s shrinking. When I left it seemed to have much growth. I keep hearing about more and more families, old established ones, that have moved to Israel. I’m happy for them, but sad for those left.

DrMom

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 12:08 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't want to swap one small OOT community for another that could go down the same path in a few years. Moving is tough, I don't want to do this now, or ever, and certainly not again (unless we are going to Eretz Yisroel with Moshiach). I don't even know how we'll afford living somewhere where the cost of living is higher.

There are plenty of thriving, stable OOT communities.

What are your criteria? Maybe somebody here can suggest something.

Also, how old are your kids? Do you think you can stick it out until the last one graduates, or is that very far off?

IMO, your kids are unlikely to want to live in a dwindling community, so once they start getting married, they are likely to settle elsewhere anyway. And they'll have to start looking in other places to find a shudduch. Maybe you should bite the bullet and get out now.

amother

DarkViolet

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 3:20 am

There are so many smaller OOT communities that are thriving and growing. Places like Dallas, Houston, Philadelphia ect.

Or if you want to play safe and go to a larger community but still have the accepting OOT feel you have Miami, Baltimore, Passaic, Toronto, chicago....

amother

Violet

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 4:08 am

I'm also in a dying community, but I'm staying. Back when ds was in elementary, he went to the neighborhood yeshiva. His class of 12 in pre-1a gradually shrunk until 4th grade when there were only 4 local boys left. I'm close enough to Brooklyn that he's in a high school in Brooklyn now, although the other 3 boys stayed in our tiny yeshiva high school. Dh and ds would really like to move to Brooklyn, but I don't want to leave my community. Even though it's shrinking, there are enough pros to justify staying.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 5:36 am

Where did most of your community go?

amother

Seablue

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 6:12 am

We moved to Chicago for similar reasons to why you're concerned with your community. The schools seem both large enough to be stable and well-staffed enough that the kids get appropriate attention. They also just have schools that we like better than we liked the ones in our last community. The community itself is huge compared to what we're used to, but our shul feels warm and it's easy to get know people there

mizle10

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 6:37 am

To echo what previous posters said...

There are plenty of thriving OOT communities. Its's not either your dying community or a massive in town community.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 6:40 am

Iymnok wrote:

I thought of Seattle too when I read the OP. It's just so expensive for young families and it can't grow without kids...

wiki

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:09 am

I also read the OP and thought Seattle. So sad how the community is dying. Real estate prices and the decline of BTs as a general phenomenon are the main causes.

Have other communities dramatically imploded during the pandemic like Seattle has?

mha3484

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:15 am

I also think you should look at mid sized OOT communities. I live in Chicago and am very happy here. I think going to the "In town" east coast communities would be very overwhelming to all of us. All the more so if we were living somewhere much smaller.

amother

Heather

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:27 am

It's a shame that many smaller out of town communities are struggling, and it mostly seems to be financially related. Probably because they're all set within the largest cities in the country, and generally in the more expensive areas.

Seattle, LA, Denver, Portland, Phoenix, Miami, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Cleveland, Detroit, etc.....

These are all big cities.

There needs to be more attention paid to growing communities in smaller American towns that are cheaper to live in. In today's world, more people work remotely, so finding local jobs is less of a concern than it used to be. I'm thinking West Virginia, the Carolinas, Wyoming, Tennessee...

Honestly, outside of South Bend, Indiana, and several east coast towns, I can't think of another small Jewish community that is set in a small, inexpensive American town.

If you can think of one, please let me know.

frizet

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:31 am

Wow sounds hard! Maybe find a more established oot community that won’t die down but is still oot

amother

Lavender

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:41 am

amother [ Heather ] wrote:

Honestly, outside of South Bend, Indiana, and several east coast towns, I can't think of another small Jewish community that is set in a small, inexpensive American town.

If you can think of one, please let me know.

Milwaukee

wiki

Thu, Apr 07 2022, 8:54 am

amother [ Heather ] wrote:

Jewish communities tend to do well in places where there are a wide range of available jobs, hence cities. This has been true for centuries, around the world.

That said, many of the cities on your list are not "big" cities or even expensive ones. St. Louis has only 300,000 people.

The issue that middle-class homeownership is not available to Millennials in many of the metro areas that have job growth is pretty much a defining narrative of our generation, Jewish or not.

But for Jews, it's leading to boomtown suburbs and dying urban Jewish communities. And lots of people stuck in their 30s unable to afford homes anywhere near the jobs they have.

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