Asking for advice does not = asking for diagnosis on imamoth

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 5:00 pm

someone told me that I "asked" what it could be that my daughter was talking to much and she suggested ADD Confused

then another one came and reafirmed adhd.

where did she get that I asked what it could be?
I never did that, My kid is a chatterbox and I asked for advice. So now she has ADD??? What

Where do people get off making such suggestions without first meeting and knowing the mother or child or being professional.

Even professionals I have met over my years of being a mother have never started out with outright labels before assessing which ever child it was for whatever purpose.

Just because someone asks for advice on the site does not mean they need you to start diagnosing their child for them.

Crayon210

Thu, May 08 2008, 5:44 pm

If you're going to post asking for advice on an Internet forum, you're not going to get the same type of advice you'll get in real life. None of us know you; how do you expect to get "good" advice?

And you also need to realize when you post that you can't control the types of responses you get. I'm against people responding, "I don't like carrots" when you ask, "Does anyone have a carrot kugel?", but if you ask for advice on your daughter's constant talking, I don't think that suggesting that she get tested for ADD is out of life or inappopriate.

If you don't want the advice that's going to come your way, don't post on Internet forums.

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 5:56 pm

I asked for advice how to DEAL with it.
I didn't ask for a diagnosis.

If someone really had a reason based on what I had written to think something was wrong they could suggest I go to such and such type of person to assess her without throwing a label around.

I think saying I don't like carrots when someone asks about a kugel recipe is the same thing.

I believe in responding to the post and what is written there, not inventing something that isn't.

Nothing I said about my daughter indicated a developmental disorder.
I could have just as easily complained about how messy she is and had someone suggest ADD.
how many messy kids do you know?

I don't think giving advice means dishing out diagnosis.
I'm actually very surprised with your stance crayon, I wouldn't have expected you to be so accepting of that sort of thing.

gryp

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:01 pm

Someone once made me think that my son had autistic tendencies ch"v from what I posted. I stayed up that whole night researching until I was completely sure about what I was facing.

Personally, I'm not upset about it. When it comes to the welfare of my kids I like to hear anything and everything that might be beneficial. I can cross out on my own what is relevant and what isn't, but I don't want to ever make the mistake of ignoring a piece of advice from anyone that may be important.

So I don't think anyone should look at posts as diagnoses but as information that may be relevant.

Crayon210

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:05 pm

amother wrote:

I asked for advice how to DEAL with it.
I didn't ask for a diagnosis.

If someone really had a reason based on what I had written to think something was wrong they could suggest I go to such and such type of person to assess her without throwing a label around.

<snip>

I'm actually very surprised with your stance crayon, I wouldn't have expected you to be so accepting of that sort of thing.

I think that in your case it was a gray area. You asked for advice, and her advice was to get her assessed for ADD. You didn't indicate that she had been assessed for any type of issue, so the suggestion to go for testing was thrown out there.

In general, you're right, I think that people should give advice based on what's asked for. But in this case, I think that because it was a gray area, you have to be willing to accept some of the psoles with the ochel, or else just don't post altogether.

You also have to be aware that there are some meshugoyim on the Internet that don't have the same sense of netiquette as you do.

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:20 pm

crayon what was grey about it? all I said was that she talks too much.
Ok I said it in an exasperated way but that's all I said. I didn't give any indication of anything deeper.
I think its crazy to suggest any disorders based on a singular common trait like that.
furthermore the tests I didn't speak about have nothing to do with the chatting so I didn't mention them. I spoke about personality and that's all.

If I had posted discussing issues a child was having in school and listing for sure more then one but a few then it would make more sense. However even then, when I have had to deal with professionals in the past they NEVER used any terms or labels without first assessing my child.

GR if I had said anything at all other then my kid is a chatter box, that would indicate that there was something deeper there, a poster could just as easily suggest I get the child assessed, rather then throw out a label.

The same in your situation. I think making you think your son has autistic tendencies when he doesn't is appalling

justanothermother

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:22 pm

You asked for advice on how to DEAL with it - well assesing for ADD and treating it if necessary is one way to DEAL with it.

Tamiri was offering some genuine advice from a viewpoint you may have not considered. To start a thread about how you don't like the advice is really rude. Talk about lack of netiquette.

Crayon210

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:23 pm

I don't understand. If you know she doesn't have ADD, why are you getting so worked up? Even if she did have ADD, why are you getting so worked up? It's not a sin to have ADD. Everyone and their grandmother has ADD.

Not everyone reads every post backwards, forwards, and inside out before responding. It was a thought, the poster threw it out there, and gamarnu.

Out of line would have been, "Maybe your daughter talks so much because she's being abused by your husband and crying for help." That's obviously crazy. But to suggest that someone who has a particular trait characteristic of ADD might have ADD? Can't figure out what the big deal is.

de_goldy

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:28 pm

This is an online forum, take it as you please.
I think ppl were just trying to be helpful.

This seems to happen quite often, someone posts asking for advice about something, then they dont get the response they want and accuse everyone else of not understanding, or not responding appropriately.

Its up to you to sift thru the replies and find any that you think are applicable to you and your situation.

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:30 pm

Quote:

I don't understand. If you know she doesn't have ADD, why are you getting so worked up

because its a topic that bugs me altogether.
I don't like it when it's done to other posters too and I don't think it's beneficial.

If you read my thread I explained there how with another child of mine the teachers kept sending me for assessments because they wanted to hear the word "aspergers" but they wouldn't follow through with the advice the professionals were giving them and in the end the professionals told me to stop coming and that nothing can be done till the teachers follow through. It was then I started to put my foot down and make sure I was heard. My child is a completely different child now with the change in teachers and attitude.

Quote:

But to suggest that someone who has a particular trait characteristic of ADD might have ADD?

There are many traits of many different conditions that regular people without those conditions have. Thats why its so ridiculous to suggest ADD when hearing about just one of those traits
I mentioned messy before. Being messy could be a symptom of any number of conditions, yet plenty of people are simply messy because its their personality or the way they were brought up.

Quote:

Can't figure out what the big deal is.

Also in real life I feel the labels are thrown around way too much with children being unnecessarily medicated.

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:34 pm

de_goldy wrote:

This seems to happen quite often, someone posts asking for advice about something, then they dont get the response they want and accuse everyone else of not understanding, or not responding appropriately.

you mean like posters that want to be told they were right and their husbands are wrong?

how do you compare that with my complaint?

gryp

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:37 pm

Quote:

GR if I had said anything at all other then my kid is a chatter box, that would indicate that there was something deeper there, a poster could just as easily suggest I get the child assessed, rather then throw out a label.

The same in your situation. I think making you think your son has autistic tendencies when he doesn't is appalling

I do think it is ridiculous to suggest ADD for a child who talks to much or autism for a child who lines up his cars and shoes, ad all those other examples from this forum. I was pretty appalled and shocked to see the parallels between my son's behavior and autistic children, but that was only one small tiny detail in his entire personality and actions. After staying up all night and researching I knew it wasn't true and while it gave me a scare, in the end I'm glad that I know about it now.

My point is that we shouldn't be taking posts as diagnoses, just as maybe a helpful hint. People only know what they know from experience, and most of the time that's beneficial, to me at least.

cassandra

Thu, May 08 2008, 6:40 pm

I didn't really follow your thread, but if you are mighty sensitive about the suggestion for someone who is certain that your child doesn't have ADD. If you know it's off base, ignore it, you know your child better. It's weird to ask for advice on a child that nobody knows and then get upset if you get advice that misses the mark. I really don't understand why it bothers you so much.