How to let go of things and throw out not needed stuff Updat

amother

Whitewash

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 9:44 am

My mil is a hoarder, my mother just has too much stuff, a lot junk!
For me, it’s if I haven’t used it in more than a year and I can’t think of a definite scenario where I need it, it’s my form of tzedaka as I don’t have much to give.

Eg: a baby bath I haven’t used in a few years but iyh I’m having another soon so even though it has not been used, I know I need it
Eg: a pair of heels I don’t use and they’re not in good condition anymore, but my daughter loves using my good heels so I can think of a definite scenario- dress up box and she loooooves them!
Eg: a suitcase where the handle is broken, I’m not going to use it on my next trip cos it’s not in good enough condition. Goodbye
Eg: daughters pair of shoes that are in perfect condition but she’s big already and the youngest atm, so tzedaka.

There’s no mitzvah to keep things, but there is a mitzvah to love yourself, respect yourself and those you live with, to live in a clean and healthy situation. We don’t do Baal taschis (like throwing a perfectly good pair of shoes that hurt your feet), so we can give them to tzedaka. How perfect!

amother

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 10:49 am

Thanks for all the tips.

amother

PlumPink

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 11:12 am

I have yet to meet an adult with saving/throwing/clutter/hoarding issues that are not based in emotion/mental/spiritual health.

For me, my mother is a hoarder. Her cellar is probably as big as a large 3 car garage.
It's FULLLLLL of stuff. Including all 4 of her bedroom closets. Plus additional ample closet space, furniture and cupboards.
Growing up, space was always tight even though we lived in a house bigger than most of my friends.
She was orphaned as an older teenager, and the step parent later took all her CD money her biological parent left for her. I believe it affected her that way.

Many of my siblings unfortunately picked up these habits. Including myself.

As the youngest, after I was married, my mother finally agreed to let my father and kids declutter.
But now my local siblings were decluttering too. It became a family project.

And I who lived oot, got a TON of their junk. Cuz "I can use it". Honestly they were 90% really good stuff and mostly expensive and exquisite clothes my sisters kids outgrew. I could really use. But then I wouldn't get to shop for my kids. And I enjoyed shopping for them. Also, the stuff was never for that season or the next it was for 2 years time. Or more. So I had to store them.... I had a big apt, but no storage. I was busy sorting and storing sorting and storing. Every inch of my house was so full of stuff.
I asked to please stop sending. If I don't know about it I don't know about it. If it's af my door I had a hard time throwing it out. But she kept sending. It almost costed me my sanity. One time a HUGE moving size box arrived at my front door. My husbad took it straight to the trash and let my family know.... that stopped them from using me as a dumping ground.
Money was tight then. Very very very tight. So it played into my anxiety of not having enough money to buy nice clothes (I'm vain that way. Shoot me. I like nice clothes) and I'll have to shop old navy sale and Walmart.....

After a while I worked on myself.
I have come to realize, I've never gone hungry or naked. Hashem, thru dh has always provided for us.
I have had to learn to let go. And miraculously, the more I learn to let go, the more money dh makes. It's that simple. THAT crazy.
We are not rich by any standards, but lately there are so many popup companies with really cute stuff for kids that are cheaper. My kids are growing up and they are easier to dress/nicer figures.
And more $$ to shop too.

So here is my system I developed a few years ago. It took 2-3 years to implement.

Only stuff I really use have a place in my house.

There are these few exceptions like:
gifts I got that are expensive, pretty and not meant to use often. I have 1 box of crystals and pretty party stuff/hosting stuff. It's not very accessible but not very hard to get to(under the stairs closest)

I bought 5 30 gallon bins.
2 are for baby basics and layette. There is one for boys and one for girls. Maybe a select few clothes for toddler aged kids that I had an emotional attachment too, or I really loved. (It's OK to save those too.)
Whatever fits can stay. If something goes in, and it overfill something else goes out. No exceptions.
A 3rd bin with maternity clothes - stuff that are basics. Like solid dark skirts, tights. Breast pump, nursing covers, maternity tops I like and were expensive and I think I might reuse next time. Baby toys. You get the drift....
4the 30 gallon bin is hand me downs from one kid to next mostly school clothes or the few things I'll accept from my sister that I put away that can only be for the upcoming year /season. It cannot be more than that one bin. It also has seasonal items that I pass down and save like swimsuits, crocs in great condition, goggles, snow and rain boots and coats....
The 5th is for when kids outgrew things, or evasion changes and I'm not sure what I want to do with it and no time to deal with it then. So I'll do in there and deal with it 1-2x a year.

Then I have a box that is always open, whenever a kid outgrws something that is in good condition, that I'm not in the mood of putting away, or any of mine or dhs clothes that I'm bored of, it goes in that box and when it's full it gets donated.

Stuff around the house,
I declutter in the long winter months.
If I buy something and it ends up not working for my family it GOES. Those uncomfortable sandals? They have to GO.
Every item, If I see I will have a decent use out of it in the next year, it stays but IT MUST HAVE A PLACE.
Every pair of shoes every item of clothes. Every dish/container in the cupboard.
Every game in the closet.
EVERYTHING MUST HAVE A HOME. If it doesn't it has to go.
Everyone in the family has ONE shoddy outfit for activities like painting or whatever. ONE.

And I keep telling myself, when I will need more stuff hashem will provide it for me.

The next thing is shopping.

I LOVE Home Goods, TJ Maxx and Target. (Who doesn't. Lol)
But I will only buy if I know where I will keep the stuff/ if I have a use for it.

You know what I've noticed? When my house was so full of stuff, I didn't enjoy my stuff.... now that my house is mostly clear of clutter I am actually getting to really enjoy my things.
I'm having fun organizing my mug collection (yes. I like it and it has a place and I enjoy it. So it stayed) and drinking my coffee in different mugs on different days.
One of my sons LOVES his shoes. Lol.
He has snow boots, rain boots, sneakers, crocs, Oxfords, loafers and those high top booties.
So we designated a drawer in his room just for his multiple shoes. Lol. He absolutely LOVES it.
My other kid loves hanging her artwork, we made a nice clothesline with painted pins and she gets to hang it up on her bedroom wall and enjoy it every day.
A 3rd LOVES reading. So we put a book case into her room for her favorite books (yeah books are our weakness. I'll just buy and buy and buy and my kids will read and read and read and I'll add more book cases in the garage as needed.)
My other kid loves his stuffed animals, so we made a special place for it in his room. His "car" aka little bike has its "garage" space and ask his babies aka stuffed animals have their designated bin/drawer.

All of this was not possible prior to decluttering.

The biggest item I have given away was an entire bedroom furniture and linen set to my cleaning lady.
It's been a whole. Did not regret it for one moment.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 11:33 am

Made a major declutter last summer. All got listed on Agora.co.il. And people had use for those things!
And then I noticed I started to come over things that I *really* needed, even a never used food processor for Pesach, a new never used electrical knife (for carving my Pesach roast) and other things.
השם הכל יכול
Smile

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 11:54 am

The sock

DD2 was gifted a really cute pair of socks, and one went missing.

I kept the other one "just in case", and when the missing sock still hadn't appeared by the time DD3 was old enough to wear it, I binned it.

And guess what showed up shortly after....

Crookshanks

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 12:22 pm

This thread is huge and I'm not reading thru it, hopefully this isn't a double or triple post.
If it's something that can be obtained for under $20, it goes.
If it's something that can be sold, and is worth around $100, I'll keep it for a few months.
I don't keep multiples of anything besides for hygiene products (soap, toothpaste, etc).
I take pictures of sentimental things and throw them out.
When I outgrow clothes, I offer them to my mother and sisters so I don't feel so bad getting rid of them.
If there are things I still want to store after this, I keep them as long as they fit on the top top shelf of the closet, and I never have to see them. I label the boxes with what's inside, and I actually have a running list on my phone of things I already have and things I need, because I don't trust myself to remember what I need and what I have when I'm in Target or Walmart.
(For example, I have a running list on my phone with everything I need for the summer season, what I already have from previous seasons, and what I still need to buy.)
If it can be replaced, you save space and emotional energy by throwing it out. Yes maybe in 2 years you'll need to spend $5 replacing it but what are the chances you'll remember that you have that exact item sitting in your closet? Not worth it.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 1:04 pm

I'll terrible at this but found the following advice helpful.

Holding on to things, especially things that you are not using right now, but someone else could, or things that are taking up space that you need, shows a lack.pf Emunah. HaShem gave it to you when you needed it. If you need it again in a few years time, He will arrange it that you have another one. You don't need to control everything in His world. And in fact, doing so means you miss out on His control. He is much better at this than any of us.

amother

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 1:15 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

This does make very sense , just that a small question popped into my mind right now (from the Y''hara) asking that if you are really correct then why did yaakov return for the pakhim ketanim ?
(I am not trying to say you are wrong as you clearly see in my first post that my goal is to rid myself ... I am just asking in terms of matters of understanding the principles of emuna)

amother

Yellow

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 1:48 pm

Dana K. White, A Slob Comes Clean. She has podcasts, books, youtube videos. She has strict rules to help you declutter, and they really work!

amother

Apricot

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 1:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Good question. Better than my answer. !!!

amother

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 1:58 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Good question. Better than my answer. !!!

It still doesn't mean you are wrong. As your logic truly made sense. The question is in general itself why did yaakov return for the pakhim if it was so insignificant .. surely for him money wasn't an important thing ?

Sesame

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He wasn’t going back because he needed them! He had money. They were “ketanim” - small, insignificant, unimportant. He went back because we have to know that we shouldn’t waste for no reason. There shouldn’t be Baal taschis. We don’t just throw something out because who cares. Every little thing we have can be used for something.
The lesson we can learn in this scenario is take for example your shoes. They’re “ketanim” cheap, insignificant, not something you use. But you’re not just going to go and throw them out (unless there’s a reason obviously). We can donate, because nothing hashem gives us is for us to waste.

However, ppl shouldn’t confuse this with throwing when necessary! So if let’s say you’re unable to get the shoes to donation for whatever reasons, or there is no one that wants to accept it, we don’t just keep stuff that will take up space, upset us when we see it, disturb mentally. You get my point. וחי בהם , don’t kill yourself with mitzvah’s!

Sesame

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:03 pm

Just my understanding, can clarify with someone learned or a rabbi

amother

Apricot

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:13 pm

That makes sense Sesame. Also I feel like just as we should not waste STUFF, we shouldn't waste SPACE (where the stuff is) and especially not TIME (eg sifting through unneeded stuff over and over in order to find something)

amother

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:21 pm

Sesame wrote:

👍👍👍

amother

Pink

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:47 pm

The Ami recently had an article about minimalism, which is more extreme than decluttering, but the idea I took from there was, "would you take this item along if you went on a month-long vacation"? So it's more about what you can live without. It puts things in perspective. Like, do you really need 9 diff color shells? Or can you manage with 3?

mushkamothers

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 2:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They weren't physical, they were spiritual. They were leftover opportunities of Elevating gashmius that he had left behind.

Becoming Minimalist and Motherhood Simplified are really helpful for me. Their blog, fb, podcast

amother

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 3:35 pm

How do you decide with books what to keep . Does it have the same standards as above ? (I just started cleaning). For example I have many usefull informational books (parenting, self growth , self knowledge, dale carnegie etc.) I obviously won't be reading them all at the same time but it is very possible I will read them one year after the other (so far many have not been touched bec I am "too busy") What would be a good system to decide ?

Additionally I decided I want to clear up many emails as well from my inbox but I don't know if I will need them later. I also don't know what is the normal amount of emails to keep at a time so it doesn't get overflowed and confusing ?

amother

Apricot

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 3:38 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

They weren't physical, they were spiritual. They were leftover opportunities of Elevating gashmius that he had left behind.

Oh I love this! Do U know which meforash says this?

amother

Apricot

Sun, Apr 24 2022, 3:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do you decide with books ?

If books are hard do them last.

Questions to ask- Will I ever read this again? How often? Can I get it from a library? Would I pay money to buy this is I didn't own it and it was in a shop?