non-frum birthday parties

mugsisme

Sun, May 11 2008, 11:40 am

We live out of town. My kids get invited to birthday parties of kids who are not frum. It has happened more times then I care to remember. My kids go to a party where they can't eat. I reached a point a few years ago where I finally said no more. Today my son was supposed to go to a party, and it came out (after I RSVPed) that the family was not having kosher pizza. DH said no way, and I had to call this morning and say he wasn't coming.

WWYD? Do you let your kids go to parties where the food isn't kosher? Is it wrong of me to expect parents who send their kids to a Jewish Day School to have a little more saichel and to make accommodations for my kids?

chaylizi

Sun, May 11 2008, 11:46 am

I wish I could answer you. I think that I can't b/c my kids b"h go to a frum school & I don't have these problems. anything that comes to school for any kind of party has to be either made at a limudei kodesh teacher's house (not chol- even if they are frum) or has to be from a store under the local vaad. packaged food brought to school has to have a heimishe hechsher & be pas/cholov yisroel. if you go to a party not under school auspices we go at our own risk. but it was made this way b/c even within the frum community many people wouldn't eat at other people's houses. there are very few private parties here- it is much discouraged.

greenfire

Sun, May 11 2008, 11:51 am

for your kids or many other kids ... I guess that would be a factor in how far one goes ... also how close your kid is to their kid, etc ... I guess it can get messy ...

can he bring his own packed lunch ...

mugsisme

Sun, May 11 2008, 12:57 pm

I hate sending my kids with their own food. I get very annoyed. If a kid has a peanut allergy, you can be sure that arrangements are made to accommodate that child. But kosher? No, that they can't do.

My younger DD for sure does not go, because she has come home with treif (and was told it was kosher).

chaylizi

Sun, May 11 2008, 12:59 pm

mugsisme wrote:

it comes down to this- what is the worst evil to you?
your kid being a social outcast & not eating
your kid being a social outcast & not attending
your kid bringing his/her own food
your kid eating food that is possibly/for sure treif?

Raisin

Sun, May 11 2008, 1:03 pm

I send them with their own food. there are a couple of people who I trust and know what my kids can/can't eat. they keep kosher but not cy, so even then there is stuff they can't have.

If it is a really little kid you can hang around during the party to make sure they are not eating anything they shouldn't.

Marion

Sun, May 11 2008, 1:06 pm

My parents always just sent us with our own food. It's not too much to ask that parents who send to a day school should accomodate kashrut (in fact, the parents' manual for the school I went to included that in their guidelines); unfortunately there's no real way to enforce it.

greenfire

Sun, May 11 2008, 1:14 pm

chaylizi wrote:

mugsisme wrote:

it comes down to this- what is the worst evil to you?
your kid being a social outcast & not eating
your kid being a social outcast & not attending
your kid bringing his/her own foodyour kid eating food that is possibly/for sure treif?

it's so easy to bring your own food ... why create bigger issues for a kid ... you don't want them growing up to resent eating kosher ... show them the way they can make it doable ...

dora

Sun, May 11 2008, 1:19 pm

some things we don't compromise, kashrus is one of them. I would not send my child to such a party and according to his age/understanding explain why.
as far as being an outcast, we have standards and we stick to them proudly and even young children need to know the difference and be taught that we are special and to be proud of who we are.
If your child was looking forward to this party and will be disappointed give him a little treat and reinforce your teachings.

amother

Sun, May 11 2008, 2:11 pm

I grew up in a traditional home - we kept Kashrut at home, but ate "semi-kosher" outside I.e no meat & milk together, no pork, no sea-food. It made sense to us LOL

Anyway, when I was about 10 I was at a party where they had pizzas with meat on them (I was at a Jewish day school). When I complained to the parents that it wasn't kosher, I was told that it was Kosher meat!
I knew enough at that age not to eat it, although I ae the pizza that was plain (as I said, it made sense to us!)

Anyway, my point is, if you can't trust the parents to know what is or isn't kosher, I wouldn't let my kids go!