My 6 Yr old wets himself daily at school

amother

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 11:58 am

My 6 yr old son won't go to the toilet in school. He comes back soaking wet everyday and I'm going out my mind. We've tried rewards, charts you name it. He's had friends telling him he smells which has really upset him but still no change. When he comes home I tell him there is no treats after school until he has changed his trousers and he gets so so upset about having to change. He was so distraught about having to change and we discussed how if he'd go to the toilet in school he wouldnt need to change but to no avail.
I've asked him why and first he said he's scared so I arranged with his teacher that he can go with a friend but that didn't help. Then I thought he just needs reminding aswell so again I spoke to his teachers who have tried encouraging him to go but he tells them he doesn't need. Now he says he doesn't want to miss lesson, break or lunch.
At home he's been completely dry even during holidays which leads me to think I not a medical problem. He is still very wet at night tho.

Please please advise I'm so nervous he will lose friends from his smell because he comes back smelling terribly.

amother

Chestnut

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 1:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't know if this is at all practical for you, what your schedule is and how far you live from the school, but I'd try going down personally to the school to take him myself once or twice. That might "break" his resistance to use the bathroom there.
I had a much younger child who did this in preschool. She didn't wet herself but waited until she came home to use the bathroom. I couldn't handle the thought of her holding back all day. I went down there and took her myself and that was the end of it.
Your son is a bit older and might not love the idea of you coming there, but I'm sure sometimes parents come in to bring a kid who's late or pick up a kid who has an appointment. Maybe go later in the day when you know he will for sure need to go. Take him to bathroom and then take him home, so it's as if you came to pick him up early for whatever reason, and that would help save face about the fact that you're there.

amother

Snow

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 1:33 pm

amother [ Forsythia ] wrote:

I have a friend whose 4-year-old is afraid of the electric flush. Is that a possibility here? He pees and then his father goes in to flush after him at shul.

This is my sensory dd6.

She hates using a toilet with an automatic flush. They tend to be very loud and she is scared it will flush on her without warning. It was a big problem at the beginning of kindergarten.

Could he be worried about some practical issue? Is it urinals and he isn't used to them, a loud flush, locking (or non locking doors), no toilet paper, anything else.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 3:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I had this recently with my son. I took him to the Dr. If this is a newer thing you might want to get him checked out.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 3:43 pm

I had this with my 5 yr old. It turned out to be because the school toilets smelled. I bought an air freshener to keep by the Rebbe who gave it to him when he needed and problem solved. (Honestly, once they called me to change him and I have to tell you I agreed with him. The toilets were disgusting. I contacted the school office and asked them to send a cleaner in in the middle of the day and the Rebbe started sending him straight after the cleaner had been.)

OP if your son is scared, I'd want to know why. Did someone open the door on him? Did someone look under it? Did someone bang on it when he was inside? Is he scared of getting locked in? Did it happen once that he went and by the time he left he was late to the lesson and the corridors were empty and he was by himself? Did someone threaten him? You need to dig a bit deeper and try and pinpoint the fear.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 4:00 am

This also may end up being something dh needs to get more involved with than you. When my ds was in first grade, we had some bathroom issues. It turns out that the transition to "big boy bathrooms" means mostly using urinals and not having the privacy of being in a stall behind a closed door. When ds would try to use a stall anyway, he would be encouraged not to, both because there weren't very many and it was a time issue and because they wanted him to learn because that's life for guys in public bathrooms. He also hadn't mastered the whole not dropping his pants to his ankles but just shoving them down a bit thing, and that made him different too. It was a whole new set of skills and a new comfort level to learn. And I was completely lost about it all.