Moving from Israel to US with teens

amother

Sun, May 01 2022, 4:18 am

We're considering moving back to the US this summer, with kids ranging from baby to HS.

It's getting progressively harder to live in E"Y as our kids grow up. They are more or less happy and adjusted, though the school situation leaves a lot to be desired. My husband, otoh, is miserable here, which is the main factor in our decision.

It seems overall to be the best option for my family right now, but I'm terrified. I know it wont be easy, but I want to go in with my eyes wide open.

Has anyone here moved back with older kids, or know someone who has?

Looking for any tips to make it easier, issues to look out for, ways to minimize the culture shock and ease the adjustment for everyone, etc...

Any help will be much appreciated!

My4Jewels

Sun, May 01 2022, 4:21 am

I think a lot depends on your kids mindset and where you settle .. if everyone understands that things work differently and open to the idea that it will take time I imagine the adjustment will be ok. But I’d also be sure to move to a community that really fits who you are a family

amother

Sun, May 01 2022, 4:31 am

Will be moving to Lakewood iyH - I hope to find a nice community there that isn't all social pressure and brand names... We do have a lot of family there, which is a big plus.

My kids are in typical chareidi schools here.

Their spoken English is great - we only speak English at home. I'm sure a few months there will get rid of the Israeli accent and improve their vocabulary a lot.

Reading and writing is a different story - the older ones know the basics, but definitely nowhere near grade level.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, May 01 2022, 4:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

School will be exceptionally hard for your older kids. Spoken english doesnt really matter so much in terms of school. They will be like olim coming here with no english. They will need tutoring and help to get them to where they need to be, and quickly or they will likely miss an entire grade because of the language.
I would think LONG and HARD about such a move with kids that are in the older grades.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, May 01 2022, 5:01 am

A lot depends on how American your kids are now. Do they have lots of exposure to American friends and family? The culture gap isn't what it was a generation ago, but it certainly exists.

And yes, if you are moving to the US you definitely need to get them started with reading and writing English. They will be at a serious disadvantage.

Also - how's the financial picture? Your earnings will almost certainly be much higher in the US, but so will your expenses. Tuition and healthcare are very expensive. And being appropriately dressed in Lakewood will cost more than Israel. (No, not bashing, just being realistic.) General living standards are high and they cost money. It's hard enough to be different. Being different and being poor is a tough combination.

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:09 am

Boys in lkwd will be easier then girls bec many boys high schools have little to no English.
But Gemara is taught in English snd that may be a learning curve if they were only taught in Hebrew.

Is Leaving older kids to finish high school in Israel an option for any of them?

amother

Seablue

Sun, May 01 2022, 4:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We're considering moving back to the US this summer, with kids ranging from baby to HS.

My husband, otoh, is miserable here, which is the main factor in our decision. !

Dh wants to know why your husband hates it here. (He also isn't really happy here.)

DVOM

Sun, May 01 2022, 6:44 pm

I know a family who had their kids repeat whatever grade they were in to give everyone time to adjust and get brought up to grade level (If you have a ninth grade daughter, could she be in ninth grade again next year in the states, with the focus being on intensive tutoring to help her catch up?)

amother

Ecru

Sun, May 01 2022, 6:50 pm

You need to make it work. (moving)Try to arrange tutors before the move. Figure out what your teens need, extra help with schooling, and make it work. If your DH is really not happy in Israel, then it's time to go. If you have family in a certain area, that's half the battle. Hatzlocha.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 01 2022, 6:50 pm

I really feel for you all.
If the kids are HS age happy and well adjusted I would be extremely hesitant to move them like I don't think I would if at all possible.
I am sure you have already thought of all this as well as looking into every and any way to improve your husband's quality of life.
Don't want to be a downer but if the kids start having major issues then everyone's quality of life will be miserable R"L.
I am sorry to be blunt , and I am sure there are exceptions to the rule and wish you health and happiness whatever you all decide to do. You know your kids and options best.

amother

Ecru

Sun, May 01 2022, 6:53 pm

The first year might be a little hard in school, but your kids (with your help ) will be able to read and write better within the year. Give it time.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:08 pm

while it can be done I would be thinking a lot about the social and cultural aspects of such a change even more than the academic -- how will this affect them as people and their yiddishkeit? are their friends good influences upon them?
how will it affect their relationships with you and dh?

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:09 pm

While it can be done and sometimes must be done the reality is that those ages it is hard enough to move kids to a different state let alone different country.
What do you think their reactions would be? in reverse they advise people making aliyah with kids these ages to get them all on board first....any chance of that?

Rappel

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:23 pm

A very wise therapist once told me "you can't run away from your emotional baggage. Wherever you go in the world, you'll be towing it along with you until you decide to let it go."

The longer I live, the more I realize how true that is - both figuratively and literally.

OP, please think long and hard: will moving really help your DH, or will he just exchange one set of problems for another, and be equally unhappy elsewhere? Is there anything you can do here to help him? Is he willing to go to therapy to get in touch with the root of the matter?

amother

Orange

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:37 pm

I can't weigh in on teens moving, but I know men who weren't happy with the israeli system and mentality in EY and the family moved because of that.

Yes, the men are happier now

As to the English, your kids will be way way way behind.
A fourth grader or fifth grader in a maslul for dovrot will still be 4 years behind in reading, writing, comprehension.

So if you have a 9 yr old dd, even if you think she's doing well, realizing that typical 9yo girls in a BY in America are reading books by chani altein, sukey gross series, bakers dozen, etc.
although the title I readers are reading babyish books and don't even want to read magic treehouse/boxcar children/ Cam Jansen (though they are capable of it), the high level students are reading real books- novels, biographies, historical fiction....

amother

Babyblue

Sun, May 01 2022, 7:44 pm

There are a few families that did this in the past few years and moved to Baltimore. I know some personally. I know it was harder for the teen boys than girls. The high schools here teach chol and they don't even know how to read English. It was a lot of work with extra tutoring, but they adjusted eventually. Some quicker than others.