Chabad Mesivtas anywhere in the world

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 9:02 pm

amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:

There are 2.
I wouldn't say it's exclusive, but you're probably quite late in the game to get in.
The other one is Ohr Temimim and definitely worth a try.

Looking at Ohr Temimim, it doesn't seem to be a good fit.

We're not looking for an alternative Yeshiva, he just needs a Yeshiva that's okay with non-cookie cutter boys, and cares about their emotional wellbeing and not just academic. He needs a Yeshiva where the boys are not all cool and with-it leaving him left out. He's happy to learn all day and is very capable of it, he doesn't need or want sports and field trips.

I wish I could think of someone that could vouch for him. He changed (for the better) so much this year, and so few people know him the way he is now, I don't know who to even ask.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ohr Temimim is not an alternative Yeshiva. They offer secular studies, but it's not "lighter". Is it inherently "less" chassidish than some of the other "top" yeshivas because of that? A little. But it's definitely not for at risk kids.
The hanhalah really cares about every bochur. And keeps a high standard.

Give them a call. They'll give you the run down and let you know if they think it's a good fit.

What about his current hanhalah? Is there anyone there that can help you out and vouch for him?

(I agree that overall there is a gap in the system for such bochurim)

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:13 pm

amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:

I have to agree here. This isn't the cool, with it, heading off the derech crowd. It's a less intense yeshiva academically but they have some really solid kids.

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:14 pm

amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:

My brother would have been fine with such a setup, this kid will go on Mesiras Nefesh to avoid Limudei Chol. Unfortunately I'm not picking a school for myself, it's a school for him...

Based on certain things that happened this year, I don't think the current hanhala has such a high opinion of him. They didn't see the before and after, and also misunderstood some things that happened due to bullying.

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:29 pm

amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:

I want to add something else.
I don't think you should be pushing into a first year yeshiva, unless they are specifically catering to such a boy, as apposed to accommodating, because you don't know their track record in dealing with out of the box.

What about Klurman in Miami? Don't think I saw that mentioned.

Originally that was my policy, but I thought I was being too picky.

Klurman in Miami seems to also have Limudei Chol, which will be a nonstarter for my son.

I feel like I must be doing this all wrong, but I don't know what to fix.

Do I try to look for a Yeshiva that is what my son WANTS, or do I look for a Yeshiva that caters to boys like him even if it's not what he wants?

Do I trust what I heard about the chevra in a Yeshiva or do I just ignore that?

Should I assume that he is damaged goods and just send him to the first yeshiva that says okay, or do I say he is a great kid and deserves the right fit?

Do I say with a kid like this keep him close to home, or send him even overseas if the school makes sense?

Am I being overly negative about him, realistic, or overly optimistic? (This one is a little hard because if you saw him in 7th grade you'd say that he is severely impaired and will never function in a normal school, but apparently a lot of that was situational + immaturity.)

Should I have applied to all of the schools in the world 6 months ago and now I'm paying the price, or was I right about applying to just one or two schools that I thought made sense?

How long is a reasonable amount of time to give a school to consider an application? Have I given them too long?

How can I bring myself to push him into a school when I don't know that it's even right for him? Isn't it like pressuring someone into a shidduch?

Does everyone go through this or is it just (disorganized) me?

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think you would benefit from some IRL guidance. We're all happy to help but practically, we don't know you or your son or anything about you.

The few questions I feel I can answer (my oldest is in 2nd grade so I really shouldn't have an opinion here, but you asked so why not Smile

) is don't feel bad to pressure. If you didn't hear back after 2 weeks, call again and nudge. You aren't the only one going through this, it's a tough system with a lot of flaws.

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:44 pm

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

) is don't feel bad to pressure. If you didn't hear back after 2 weeks, call again and nudge. You aren't the only one going through this, it's a tough system with a lot of flaws.

I'm in touch with Rabbi Barber, but I think his daughter just got engaged (Mazel Tov!) so he's less available.

I'm not sure who else to ask. Bottom line is that everyone knows the Yeshiva they sent their son(s) to and not much else. My information is a conglomeration of where my brothers went, where I spent time, and where my nephews or friends' sons go.

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe Rabbi Barber can suggest someone else who might have advice. Ask him. I know he was working with a few influential people but I don't know who they are.

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where are his friends going?
What does your husband say?

Is he your oldest?
I was sure my eighth grader would never be ready for mesivta. I thought he'd have to repeat 8th grade. The last few months of the school year he had a maturity growth spurt.
So you cannot judge from 7th grade.

I generally don't send to new yeshivos, I wait to see how they do for a few years. But I would send to the Viglers', they have a good track record of doing a thoroughly stupendous job of whatever they take on.

Do you must wait for Rabbi Barber? Why not call the viglers yourself?

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 11:08 pm

amother [ Chambray ] wrote:

He doesn't have many friends right now, not close ones at least. 7th grade was such a disaster for him, and this year he didn't really connect with the boys where he was. He was rejected from some of the schools where his classmates are going.

My husband doesn't know much more than me in this.

This is not my oldest. But he is very different than his brother.

I can call the Viglers myself, I just have no idea of what I'm even saying.

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 11:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You're just calling to get more information about their Yeshiva and to potentially enroll your son. He's a great kid, list a lot of his maalos, don't dwell on the social struggles, mention them in passing. Say you're having a really hard time finding a yeshiva and you're down to crunch time.

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 11:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Understandable.
Can you say you're looking for a place for your son and you want to know if there's space for him?