Family trip while one child in sleepaway camp?

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Forum -> Vacation and Traveling

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amother

Mon, May 02 2022, 5:37 pm

It feels so funny to do a family trip with one child not there, but it seems to be the only practical way.

We generally do a family trip every summer (driving, not flying). Simple, nothing too exotic. Go to a hotel for a few days and do attractions in the area.

This summer one child really wants to go to sleepaway camp. She specifically wants to go first half only because that's when her friends are going. We told her before that the only time dh can take off is during first half and that's when we always do our trip, and we would hate for her to miss it.

She was a bit disappointed to miss it, but felt very strongly about going first half to camp with her friends. She told us she'd rather go first half and miss the trip (even though she ideally wouldn't want to miss it), than to go second half to camp.

I still feel funny, but there is no way dh can take off during the other half.

have you done this? I know that she went into it with this agreement, but I still feel bad...just don't see any other way.

amother

Aconite

Mon, May 02 2022, 5:38 pm

Since you gave her the choice it's fine. My family did this and I missed the trip as a teen. Wasn't the biggest deal.

amother

Jade

Mon, May 02 2022, 5:48 pm

We were just discussing this very issue. My son will probably be going to a mesivta learning camp during bein hazmanim. My husband is on Yeshiva schedule, our bein hazmanim is a very sacred family time to us! We went away last year for a few days and the kids have been talking all year about doing it again. None of us can imagine doing it without my oldest, but that's the only time he can go and the only time we can go. He knows the options, so it looks like that's what we'll be doing, though I can't say I'm happy about that part of it.

benny

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:02 pm

We used to do family trips every summer and then as kids got older, one by one they go to camp. We still do the trips so the younger ones get to have the same heavenly summer experiences as the older ones. It’s just the way it is as the kids grow up. Some years we manage to coordinate everyone for a few days and we make a small vacation happen even if the timing is tight and not that convenient because we don’t have everyone on the same schedule that often anymore. Life evolves. It’s how it is.

amother

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:04 pm

I guess it's the hardest when the oldest one starts going to camp because then it's one person being left out. As the family grows and 2-3 older kids are in camp, it just becomes the way it is.
But since till now we were a younger family and now one child is not joining, it just feels so funny.

syrima

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:08 pm

Yes we did that. Summer is finite. It can be nice to focus on the other kids, there's more room in the car, and attractions cost less too!
Just be sure to get a nice souvenir to show you care.

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:13 pm

The other kids shouldn't be losing out because one child is in camp. They're having their fun at camp.

amother

Brown

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:19 pm

We actually had this last summer. DD went to camp for the first time. The only time a family trip could work for our family was when she was away. It was very hard for her. She was torn between wanting to be with us vs being in camp. At the end I told her that I would take her away for one night. I shouldn’t have said that because I didn’t keep my word (yet) but it did calm her down when I offered that. Before she left to camp I told the other kids not to talk about the trip in front of her.

amother

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:21 pm

amother [ Nasturtium ] wrote:

The other kids shouldn't be losing out because one child is in camp. They're having their fun at camp.

Don't worry, they're not losing out. We're not cancelling the trip.

amother

Brass

Mon, May 02 2022, 6:32 pm

op- same here! this is going to be our first time not bringing 1 kid on our family summer vacation. Agree, it feels weird.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, May 02 2022, 7:37 pm

Though I agree with the concept I must share that as an 8th grade camper my parents did a spontaneous family trip with my siblings and I can still remember the hurt.

I was already homesick but too proud to admit it and I felt abandoned. It hurt that they created family memories without me.

It’s possible that the fact that it wasn’t planned and I wasn’t prepared beforehand was a factor.

amother

Grape

Wed, May 04 2022, 3:00 pm

It's really good you gave your child the choice of camp or the family trip so that they know what they will be missing and will not be resentful. It does feel weird the first time you have a family vacation without one of the kids, but as they get older it gets harder and harder to coordinate everyone's schedules and not everyone can participate in everything. It's not fair to the younger kids to miss out, so you go without the older one(s) because that's the only option. Eventually you will get used to it and will treasure even more those rare times when the whole family is together.

amother

Moccasin

Wed, May 04 2022, 3:02 pm

She had a choice. She made her choice. Don't feel bad.

If you'd deliberately left her out, that would be different. But she is having her fun. Enjoy yours with a full heart. Smile

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