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Are today's children different?
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Are your children more difficult than you were as a child?
Yes  
 41%  [ 12 ]
No  
 58%  [ 17 ]
Total Votes : 29



yehudis




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 08 2005, 8:10 pm
Are your children more independent (and defiant) then you were as a child?
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 08 2005, 8:15 pm
Nope embarrassed
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 08 2005, 8:38 pm
let just say that my kids are challenging but then I was also a challangeing child.

let just say that when my parents used to scream I hope u have one child like u their prayers where answered . only I got worse.

but I do think that I wouldnt have done to my parents what my kids do to me.

one look from my dad was enough to put anyone in place.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 3:22 pm
raizy wrote:
one look from my dad was enough to put anyone in place.


many people say that, one look from mommy too sometimes

but if you read the thread on Independence you shouldn't be surprised yehudis, about today's kids

frum parents who raised kids in the 60's and 70's were not fixated on self-esteem and fostering independence in two year olds Rolling Eyes

no was no, not "no, okay? ...." (there's a thread on that too) and parents did not care about what the child felt about cleaning their room, doing their homework etc.
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1stimer




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 3:46 pm
Don't you remember you're parents telling you 'we would never haave done that as a child?'

I'm sure our kids will say that to our grandkids too...!
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 4:41 pm
Quote:
I'm sure our kids will say that to our grandkids too...!
LOL
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chen




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 10:15 pm
My kids are less independent than I was at the same age b/c the world is much more dangerous than it was. At age 3 or 4 I was able to go to the corner store to get a loaf of bread or milk for my mother. Not in a european shtetl but in NYC! Probably my kids were 8 or 9. I took public transportation by myself for the first time at age 10. With great fear and trepidation I let my son go out with some friends when he was 13 or 14, and the first time I let him go on a train by himself he was around 15. I took a long-distance bus by myself to visit a friend in another city when I was 14. My kids haven't done this yet.

Because of the travel issue, I also wind up doing many things for them much longer than my mother did for me: shopping for clothes, taking them to doctors, going to the library,etc. etc. Also my mother disliked housework and taught me certain things that for safety's sake I taught my kids much later. (I was ironing at age 5.)

Oh, you mean "independent" not in the sense of "doing things by themselves' but in the sense of "wanting to have their own way"? Depends on the child. My most difficult child was probably no more difficult than I was, but I'd have to ask my mother. My easiest child was definitely easier than I was![/I]
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tzivi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 10:18 pm
Due to political correctness and children's rights, etc, children have developed a chutzpa unknown to any generation previous to now.
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yehudis




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 10 2005, 11:14 pm
Motek wrote:

frum parents who raised kids in the 60's and 70's were not fixated on self-esteem and fostering independence in two year olds Rolling Eyes

no was no, not "no, okay? ...." (there's a thread on that too) and parents did not care about what the child felt about cleaning their room, doing their homework etc.


And how is that better? I care about how my children feel. Which doesn't mean that I let them do what they want. But I make sure that I acknowledge their feelings.

And yes, I do care about my two-year-old's self-esteem. She's very funny. She wants to make sure that she makes her own decisions. So it goes something like this. I tell her, "Go wash your hands with soap." She says, "Nooooo!!!" I say, "Go wash your hands with soap. You can't eat before you wash your hands." She says, "Nooooo!!!" I look her in the eye and tell her, "Wash your hands." She says, "Okay, fine!!!!" and goes to wash her hands LOL Not that she has a choice -- she knows that if she doesn't go, I'll pick her up, carry her to the bathroom, and wash her hands. But she has to have her say.

My 4-year-old, though, who was a very independent toddler, is now very reasonable and, to my surprise, usually listens right away. So it does happen, but takes lots of time and patience.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 12 2005, 9:12 pm
yehudis wrote:
And how is that better?


I think parents were by and large confident in their role, not the hesitant, diffident, wishy washy pals they are today and their children were far better off.

what you describe about your two year old is appropriate for a two year old and good for you that you stick to your guns, but she will reach an age very soon when her "nooo's" will no longer be appropriate, for children need to learn to obey their parents.
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yehudis




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 14 2005, 12:42 am
Motek wrote:

I think parents were by and large confident in their role, not the hesitant, diffident, wishy washy pals they are today and their children were far better off.


I agree that parents have to be confident and assertive. But not at the expense of the children's self-esteem. Where I grew up (Ukraine), a major motivator was shame. I still remember that when I was in 1st grade, a teacher brought two girls from 2nd grade and told us that they still don't know how to read. She called on one of the kids in my class to read something to show them that a 1st grader can read better than the 2nd graders. I think that's a terrible thing to do.

Quote:

what you describe about your two year old is appropriate for a two year old


Has it always been? My mother claims that my sister and I never had the "noooo!" stage. Then again, as I said, where I grew up, children's feelings didn't matter.
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chen




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 14 2005, 9:32 am
yehudis wrote:
[
Quote:

what you describe about your two year old is appropriate for a two year old


Has it always been? My mother claims that my sister and I never had the "noooo!" stage. Then again, as I said, where I grew up, children's feelings didn't matter.


The no stage is perfectly normal for a two y/o who is discovering that he is a separate person. First he discovers that he can control those funny star-like things in front of his face called "hands"; then he discovers he can control his feel and legs and make them do what he wants. At two he discovers it's possible to control the world around him--or to try to, anyhow. The attempt to assert himself is universal, but different societies handle it differently. In freer societies, it is accepted as a normal developmental stage: aggravating for the parents, but normal. In more repstrictive societies, it is seen as something to be suppressed. I would think that in a totalitarian society, any indication of independent thought or will would be deemed abnormal if not downright dangerous.

Maybe your mother just doesn't have such a great memory. I can't remember my children going through a "no" stage, either, (except for one who never completely outgrew it Wink) but I have some photos to prove that they did indeed do so. Or your "no" stage may have been mild rather than wild, so your mother was not disturbed by it.
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buba123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 14 2005, 1:37 pm
I grew up with 6 brothers who were very leibidig and gave my parents a lot of grey hair. They were extremely wild and would do the worst things. These days they would have been doped up and labeled. (You wouldn't know it - yet today they are pillars in their community, successful and raising beautiful families B"H).
My parents would always tell us - "be good bec. then your kids will be good to you. If you're bad - your kids would be bad to you." And we would always laugh amongst ourselves - my parents were the best kids growing up. They are amazingly nice people and so calm. Yet - they ended up with us LOL
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 15 2005, 6:21 pm
buba123 wrote:
yet today they are pillars in their community, successful and raising beautiful families B"H).


and what are THEIR kids like?
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buba123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 16 2005, 1:35 pm
Motek- they're cute, precious, smart, good...Most are leibidek. None have any problems Chas V'shalom. I guess my mothers' praying paid off!
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2005, 5:18 pm
My aunt taught elementary school age children for decades. Then she took a break. When she started teaching again she found that kids in the 90's-00's are different than kids growing up in the 70's. She used to be able to merely give them A LOOK and they would behave. That doesn't work well anymore.

but the original question here is asked of people of all ages so remember that some of us were kids in the 60's and 70's while others were kids in the 80's, very different!
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shira




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2005, 7:25 pm
This is a piece thats in my HS year book..........


We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first "lost generation" nor today's lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak. We are the ones who played with Lego Building Blocks when they were just building blocks and gave Malibu Barbie crewcuts with safety scissors that never really cut. We collected Garbage Pail Kids and Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Ponies and Hot Wheels and He-Man action figures and thought She-Ra looked just a little bit like I would when I was a woman. Big Wheels and bicycles with streamers were the way to go, and sidewalk chalk was all you needed to build a city. Imagination was the key. It made the Ewok Treehouse big enough for you to be Luke and the kitchen table and an old sheet dark enough to be a tent in the forest. Your world was the backyard and it was all you needed. With your pink portable tape player, Debbie Gibson sang back up to you and everyone wanted a skirt like the Material Girl and a glove like Michael Jackson's. Today, we are the ones who sing along with Bruce Stringsteen and The Bangles perfectly and have no idea why. We recite lines with the Ghostbusters and still look to The Goonies for a great adventure. We flip through T.V. stations and stop at The A Team and Knight Rider and Fame and laugh with The Cosby Show and Family Ties and Punky Brewster and what you talkin' 'bout Willis? We hold strong affections for The Muppets and The Gummy Bears and why did they take the Smurfs off the air? After school specials were only about cigarettes and step-families, the Pokka Dot Door was nothing like Barney, and aren't the Power Rangers just Voltron reincarnated? We are the ones who still read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, the Bobbsey Twins, Beverly Clearly and Judy Blume, Richard Scary and the Electric Company. Friendship bracelets were ties you couldn't break and friendship pins went on shoes - preferably hightop Velcro Reebox - and pegged jeans were in, as were Units belts and layered socks and jean jackets and jams and charm necklaces and side pony tails and rats' tails. Rave was a girl's best friend; braces with colored rubberbands made you cool. The backdoor was always open and Mom served only red Kool-Aid to the neighborhood kids - we never drank New Coke. Entertainment was cheap and lasted for hours. All you needed to be a princess was high heels and an apron; the Sit'n'Spin always made you dizzy but never made you stop; Pogoballs were dangerous weapons and Chinese Jump Ropes never failed to trip someone. In your Underoos you were Wonder Woman or Spider Man or R2D2 and in your treehouse you were king. In the Eighties, nothing was wrong. Did you know the president was shot? Star Wars was not only a movie. Did you ever play in a bomb shelter? Did you see the Challenger explode or feed the homeless man? We forgot Vietnam and watched Tiananman's Square on CNN and bought pieces of the Berlin Wall at the store. AIDS was not the number one killer. We didn't start the fire, Billy Joel. In the Eighties, we redefined the Dream, and those years defined us. We are the generation in between strife and facing strife and not turning our backs. The Eighties may have made us idealistic, but it's that idealism that will push us and be passed on to our children - the first children of the twenty-first century. Never forget: We are the children of the Eighties.
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hardwrknmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2005, 7:30 pm
When you refer to the word "difficult" does this mean in terms of behaviour or just attitude in general?.

I believe back when I was a kid, kids were difficult just as they are now however, now there are so much help out there (therapist, docs etc) where children can get.

The respect of children nowadays is out-of-control. To me that's what difficult is.
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2005, 10:35 pm
shira your great !you just brought back alot of old memerios for me....but do u relize that all the toys nowadays are just imation of the real things or jsut rebringeg out the old stuff. like my little ponies. pogaballs. cabbage patch kids. if u go to a toy store. its like your seeing your past..
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stem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2005, 10:41 pm
I have a theory that they purposely market toys from 20-25 years ago again today because they know that parents today will buy it for their own kids for nostalgic reasons...
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