S/o denying water. Bathrooms in Schools

keym

Thu, May 05 2022, 1:25 pm

When I was growing up in school, leaving to use the bathroom was a privilege. You had to raise your hand, negotiate. There were across the board - no bathrooms during this period it's just after recess.
I'm seeing a lot of the same in my daughter's education.
And frankly it bothers me. Children who take advantage will do so regardless.
For sure high school girls should be trusted to take care of their needs as it's needed

Interestingly enough my son's have much less problem. The Rebbeim trusted them to leave, do their thing, come back without asking permission. Starting by 3rd grade or so.
And the principals patrolled the halls to make sure no one was fooling around.

Thoughts?

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, May 05 2022, 1:28 pm

I have taught all my kids that if they need the bathroom, they should go, even if the teacher doesn't let.

And they can tell the teacher or principal or whoever to call me to discuss it if they get in trouble. But step one, if you need to go to the bathroom, you go to the bathroom.

(This is after one child sat in wet underwear all day cuz the teacher didn't let, and was too embarrassed to tell anyone.)

amother

Olive

Thu, May 05 2022, 1:29 pm

I agree I think it's unfair. And honestly if a kid needs a break so badly that they will abuse bathroom privileges it's probably better for them to just leave the class for a bit than disrupt it so I don't get that argument either. In high school we didn't have to ask we could just leave. I don't currently have this issue in my kid's school but if I did I would get a doctor's note that my child can leave whenever they need to. I would also discuss with the school how it's dangerous, unfair and embarrassing to have to beg to take care of basic needs.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, May 05 2022, 1:31 pm

In HS we had a teacher who didnt let us use the bathroom no matter how much you negotiate. a girl was literally crying how shes going to have an accident until she just ran out. That episode has always bothered me

amother

Azure

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:12 pm

I teach in public school. I pretty much never say no, except if the student has a known pattern of avoiding work by leaving (and even then I only do that after I've discussed it with their parents and asked their permission). It's too much of a liability to say no. You don't always know the situation.

I do talk with the class at the beginning of the year about appropriate times to ask (ie not while I'm giving directions), and if they would miss something important, I ask them to wait until after X. I'm too busy teaching to be the bathroom police.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:18 pm

As a teacher I have them raise a certain amount of fingers to let me know they need the bathroom. If there is someone already out I ask them to wait. There is a separate gesture for emergency and I let them go out without any questions. Some kids always show me the emergency gesture but I don't make a deal out of it and let them go. Never had any issues or complaints.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:20 pm

Question: how long is each lesson? Are you allowed to use the bathroom when there's a break?
Just asking as im not familiar at all with this problem.

amother

Whitesmoke

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:21 pm

I was denied permission in school. I would never not listen so I had an accident. I had begged the teacher, but she was nasty about it. Never will forget it, I was very traumatised. I got punished for it and sent to kindergarten even though I was much older. I was so embarrassed. I never told my mother how I was treated after. After I was allowed back to class, the teacher announced it to everyone pointing at me and was nasty! Then by recess the whole school knew, and girls came to make fun of me. Was brutal!

Zehava

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:35 pm

I was known to just leave if a teacher said no. Especially once I got my period. There were teachers who said I can only leave if I stayed out til recess.
I mean really, how cruel and stupid is it to try to keep teens from taking care of their needs?

keym

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:37 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Question: how long is each lesson? Are you allowed to use the bathroom when there's a break?
Just asking as im not familiar at all with this problem.

Elementary school.
Average 45 minute bus, straight to class. 1 1/2 hour class, 15 minute break, 1 1/2 hour class, 30 minute break, 1 1/2 hour class, 15 minute break, 1 1/2 hour class, straight to 45 minute bus.
Bathrooms are allowed during break but a mob scene. Usually not everyone can go, and it means forfeiting all play and snack time.

High School:
Davening, 10 minute break, 2 45 minute classes with 2 minute break in between (just enough time to exchange books and get to the next classroom). 10 minute break. 2 45 minute classes with 2 minute break in between. 45 minute lunch. 4 40 minute classes with 2 minute break in between, mincha, 10 minute break, 40 minute class, hour bus ride.

That's the general schedule.
Yes they CAN use the bathroom during breaks. But not always is there time. Not to mention if teachers run over.

amother

Lemon

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:38 pm

I always think of it this way. imagine your boss tells you when you can or cant use the bathroom. abuse in the workplace right? why do children deserve to be treated any different?

and I know all about using the bathroom at recess time etc etc. sometimes our bodies dont fit into perfectly timed school break sessions. (never mind bathrooms in school usually had lines and the entire break was what 15 minutes?)

amother

Latte

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:40 pm

My girls school has a pass program. Every girls gets 3 or 4 bathroom passes a month to use. Some teachers started a new method this year, they told the girls that they're mature enough to know when they really need to go to the bathroom and she trusts them that they'll go only when needed. They can get up and go without asking. My daughters teacher said that it's working better than the passes, there are less girls going out. I think it's because the girls feel in control and know that they'll be able to go out when needed.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:43 pm

It shows a lack of competence on the teachers part when they make such ridiculous rules. And it is absolutely horrible to do it to young girls who may be getting their period. Who are you to deny someone taking care of their needs? And if they don't legit need to "go" and need a small break, let them live. If you are a teacher that makes these ridiculous and controlling rules you should really think hard if you are doing the right thing.

amother

Vanilla

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:44 pm

When I was in High School, most teachers did not allow girls to leave for the bathroom
INSANE
We had two 10 minutes recess breaks and one 1/2 hour lunch break
during which the entire school was on line for the bathrooms, and you basically wasted the entire break doing so. Sometime not even getting to go at all
And if you got to class late because of it you were unexcused.

I literally had to skip my coffee on school days because I knew it would make me need to use th bathroom during class Can't Believe It

On my first day at work, I couldn't get over the fact that I can go take care of my needs, on demand as needed lol

Chickensoupprof

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:44 pm

I can get it in primary school, but I think once you have your period as a girl you really need to be going to the bathroom when you want. I mean really as a teen I just went even if it meant a fight with a teacher I wouldn't dcare I mean a 14 y/o doesn't admit that she once leaked through and found a bit of blood on the chair.

IF you are afraid that some girls will end up chatting then let one girl goes once a time and after 10 minutes she isn't back go to her when they aren't back yet.

bluebird

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:47 pm

Is this school in the US and does it participate in National School Lunch Program (NSLP) or School Breakfast Program (SBP)? If so, it is illegal for the school to withhold water from students. There may also be laws in your state that prohibit denying students drinking water. This is a serious health and safety issue.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:49 pm

I had such anxiety surrounding going to the bathroom at school I didn't drink anything all day. (Having to ask, being denied, only 2 emergency passes allowed, not being called on, other people in the bathroom, etc...)

To this day I am reteaching myself what thirst is.

gootlfriends

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:49 pm

This is my pet peeve with school. In real life you go when you need to. End of discussion. I tell my kids in real life there are no official bathroom rules. Unless you have a work meeting and then you use the bathroom within 10 minutes before.

Good Friend

Thu, May 05 2022, 2:54 pm

When I was in high school we were given 10 bathroom passes per semester for when we needed to go during class.
The only problem was that at the end each semester girls would give in the rest of their passes in the beginning of class and have a party in the hall. So they made a rule that bathroom passes left over can be used as extra credit added to grades, and girls preferred that and stopped the parties. I think it was a good system.