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Heyaaa
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 Tue, May 10 2022, 3:51 pm
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Probably if you tell her that all the neighbors notice her preschooler crying on the steps every single morning, she'll figure out a way to have a responsible adult be there, possible even herself or her dh
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imorethanamother
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Tue, May 10 2022, 4:01 pm
| amother [ Cherry ] wrote: | | If someone doesn't want to ask for favors because they feel this way, they should pay someone to take their child off the bus. It's not ok to have a 3 year old waiting alone outside every day because one doesn't want to ask for favors. Most people on the block would have no problem taking a kid off the bus for 15 minutes every day. |
You’re conflating different scenarios. There’s a elementary age kid who comes home on a bus, age unknown. There’s a three year old somewhere whose mom isn’t watching him at some point, also circumstances unknown.
As for me, find me the babysitter who works for 20 minutes in the middle of the day that I can pay! I’m super excited about this. Let me know asap! My son gets off the bus between 3:30-3:45. I tried everything and everyone and got nowhere. So now I pay someone to work for me full time, but I’m super lucky to be able to afford that.
What I do know is that the neighbor won’t consent to payment, and because they’re doing you this HUGE FAVOR, they will be flaky about it. One day they can’t because they’re out of town and one day their child is sick and one day she’s going to do errands. So then there you are, every single day, trying to call every neighbor on your block to make sure that someone is watching your child.
So now that’s about ten people you have to be grateful to in adequate ways that only they and Hashem fully know. Because a handwritten card is nice for one and a gift card isn’t the one they wanted for another and driving someone to an out of town wedding is the price for a third and before you know it this “small favor” for “only 15 minutes” has taken over your life.
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imorethanamother
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Tue, May 10 2022, 4:30 pm
| amother [ Cherry ] wrote: | | She's been told. This is going on for years with various children. This is her official arrangement. She claims they're big enough to wait the 15 minutes for her to come home. |
This is kind of what I’m talking about. Who are you punishing here? The mother? The child?
If there are three year olds on a step crying, instead of waiting for the gratitude police you can step up and help out.
If you can’t watch a three year old because you are too burdened with your own life, I get it, and we all make our choices. But you are also expecting someone else to fix it.
Working mothers - and I don’t know this woman at all - come in all flavors. Maybe she is neglectful, maybe she’s just tired of the old “I’ll watch her oh but wait today, Thursday, and Friday aren’t good for me” and she’s cobbling together whatever solution she can. I don’t know. But if you legitimately think the child is in danger you are welcome to stand outside with the child with some games or a snack without expecting anything in return.
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amother
Firebrick
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Tue, May 10 2022, 4:31 pm
| imorethanamother wrote: | You’re conflating different scenarios. There’s a elementary age kid who comes home on a bus, age unknown. There’s a three year old somewhere whose mom isn’t watching him at some point, also circumstances unknown.
As for me, find me the babysitter who works for 20 minutes in the middle of the day that I can pay! I’m super excited about this. Let me know asap! My son gets off the bus between 3:30-3:45. I tried everything and everyone and got nowhere. So now I pay someone to work for me full time, but I’m super lucky to be able to afford that.
What I do know is that the neighbor won’t consent to payment, and because they’re doing you this HUGE FAVOR, they will be flaky about it. One day they can’t because they’re out of town and one day their child is sick and one day she’s going to do errands. So then there you are, every single day, trying to call every neighbor on your block to make sure that someone is watching your child.
So now that’s about ten people you have to be grateful to in adequate ways that only they and Hashem fully know. Because a handwritten card is nice for one and a gift card isn’t the one they wanted for another and driving someone to an out of town wedding is the price for a third and before you know it this “small favor” for “only 15 minutes” has taken over your life. |
The reason her 3 year old is alone is not because she works.
She can find a friend who is always home at that time and she can drop off her kid at that friend's house who is also waiting for the bus, and she can pay her somewhat or she can offer to take the kids according to an arrangement that she can manage.
When the friend is out of town the mother can ask hire someone for a week. If she needs to do errands then the mother can come home earlier that one day.
She just doesn't think it's a problem. But it would be with the law so I hope she knows that if her kid is crying on the steps then she runs the risk of getting caught.
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imorethanamother
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Tue, May 10 2022, 4:34 pm
| amother [ Firebrick ] wrote: | The reason her 3 year old is alone is not because she works.
She can find a friend who is always home at that time and she can drop off her kid at that friend's house who is also waiting for the bus, and she can pay her somewhat or she can offer to take the kids according to an arrangement that she can manage.
When the friend is out of town the mother can ask hire someone for a week. If she needs to do errands then the mother can come home earlier that one day. |
Again, if you are personally witnessing a three year old child being left outside in freezing weather without anyone watching them, my question is what are YOU doing?
If you really are witnessing what appears to be neglect, then call CPS or inform the mother that you will. OR, you can also personally step up and offer to watch the child for free and then do exactly that.
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amother
Firebrick
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Tue, May 10 2022, 4:45 pm
| imorethanamother wrote: | You’re conflating different scenarios. There’s a elementary age kid who comes home on a bus, age unknown. There’s a three year old somewhere whose mom isn’t watching him at some point, also circumstances unknown.
As for me, find me the babysitter who works for 20 minutes in the middle of the day that I can pay! I’m super excited about this. Let me know asap! My son gets off the bus between 3:30-3:45. I tried everything and everyone and got nowhere. So now I pay someone to work for me full time, but I’m super lucky to be able to afford that.
What I do know is that the neighbor won’t consent to payment, and because they’re doing you this HUGE FAVOR, they will be flaky about it. One day they can’t because they’re out of town and one day their child is sick and one day she’s going to do errands. So then there you are, every single day, trying to call every neighbor on your block to make sure that someone is watching your child.
So now that’s about ten people you have to be grateful to in adequate ways that only they and Hashem fully know. Because a handwritten card is nice for one and a gift card isn’t the one they wanted for another and driving someone to an out of town wedding is the price for a third and before you know it this “small favor” for “only 15 minutes” has taken over your life. |
I would do it. I'm always happy to take home extra kids by carpool, I just make sure that they call their mothers first. I've offered to do it for people on a consistent basis but I've warned them that if I have an appointment or something comes up then I won't be able to do it that day. I don't want thanks. The fact that I don't have to work is the biggest blessing and I'm happy to help a stressed mom have less pressure if I'm headed in that direction anyway.
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imorethanamother
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Tue, May 10 2022, 5:31 pm
Fair enough. All good answers to the three year old outside question. I feel so sad for those kids.
Very upsetting. Our bus doesn’t let children leave without their parent or designated caregiver present. It’s been super annoying but now I see where they’re coming from. I’m surprised the schools is fine with it?
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imorethanamother
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Tue, May 10 2022, 6:20 pm
| amother [ Marigold ] wrote: | Maybe up your game so your child doesn’t prefer another household?
And the alternative is to ignore a person that’s being there for your daughter when you aren’t able to or willing to? What’s wrong with sending a text saying thank you for having my DD.
How are you justifying that?
Is it expected of us to fill in, ignore and enable you?
What’s wrong with healthy communication? |
Sometimes we have to do things without getting thanks. I have a child like that in my life that calls me with his own phone and asks me for things. I have never gotten a thank you from his mother (ahem, OR father, which should also be counted as a humab being) and I don’t expect it because I realize this is a hard situation.
There’s a reason this child is suffering and it’s time to forgive. I’ve been where you are and it’s just easiest to realize how fortunate we are to be the givers and not the ones who need someone else to step in. But I know you want some acknowledgment. Here I am, seeing you, and your comment in this thread actually warmed my heart to find such a loving person helping a child find normalcy.
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amother
Ginger
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Tue, May 10 2022, 7:13 pm
| amother [ Ginger ] wrote: | | I'm a stay at home Mom by choice, and we are struggling tremendously financially. DH makes peanuts and we actually just got approved for food stamps because I just had a baby. I can't tell you the judgement we get for this. Judgement that we are in debt and it's my job to fix it by working, judging that we are on government assistance because I am too "lazy" to work. No, right now I want to be able to snuggle my baby, deal with my kids needs, pick them up from school. I know it's seen as a luxury, But it's my life and noone else's. And I have a high level degree, but I don't want to run on the hamster wheel. I want to be available when my kids are still young. Judge me all you want |
And by the way, my kids eat cereal and cup a soup for dinner sometimes. I lose it at my kids sometimes. They don't always do their homework. My house is sometimes a mess, laundry is very often not put away. Doesn't mean I have it all together just because I stay home all day. I'm just doing the best I can
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