Tucking in almost 9 and almost 11 year old

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:57 pm

For the past 11 years I’ve always tucked in said shma To my almost 9 and almost 11 year old kids. Now my family schedule changed and my husband would love for me to get out at night and go to the gym and he will tuck in the kids. I’m wondering if this is OK. His tuck in is more like “good night kids” whereas my tuck in is each kid gets 10 minutes undivided attention. Now I spend time with them in the afternoon and when I leave to the gym I say good night and I give each kid a kiss but I’m not actually tucking them in. They seem happy and fine for the past few days but I’m worried that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing which is putting my kids in the bed

Help me feel like I’m ok and not negligent.

BrisketBoss

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:23 pm

If there's no problem, there's no problem. It sounds like there's no problem. :- ) Your kids still have quality time with you. Your husband has a different relationship with them and all parties understand that and it's okay.

amother

Pearl

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:25 pm

I'm so confused. I don't tuck my kids in at that age. They aren't interested. We spend time together shmoozing after school and at bed time they say good night and go to bed themselves. I didn't know anyone thought this was a must, I thought it was just a thing some people did.

soapsuds

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:29 pm

It’s not a must. What matters is that they get your attention throughout the day. They’ll be fine. No need to stress about it.

Coffee beanz

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:41 pm

You're still giving them individual afternoon attention and modeling a mother who takes care of herself as well as giving them time with their father who is modeling how he takes care of his wife.

amother

Puce

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:50 pm

I also try to give my kids individual attention before bed. It's not the same as during the day. I would feel bad to give up this special time with my kids. Can you compromise and only go to the gym some nights and stay home the other nights?

amother

Emerald

Tue, May 10 2022, 10:49 pm

Why is your dh sending you to the gym? Or is that something you want to do?

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, May 10 2022, 10:56 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Why is your dh sending you to the gym? Or is that something you want to do?

You gotta love imamother!

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:00 pm

Op you sound like a fantastic mother! I would assume you are very in touch with them throughout the day so their needs wouldn't concern me. I'm more worried you may regret the time not spent...they grow up so fast! My older kids haven't been tucked in as long as my younger 2. I cherish the time with them! whereas the older children I was busy with pregnancy, nausea, post birth etc so these things fell to the side pretty quickly.

amother

Zinnia

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:30 pm

You are good. Do not think twice about it.

seeker

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:39 pm

It sounds like you're getting your mothering in at other times, but if bedtime is special to you then could you go to the gym 3 nights a week and do bedtime the other nights? This doesn't feel like an all or nothing type of question.

amother

Electricblue

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:54 pm

seeker wrote:

I agree with this. If you want to go to the gym (from your Op, I can’t tell if you want to or your husband wants you to), go 3x a week and stay home the other nights. I tuck in my older child and even though they get attention at other times, it does feel different and seems appreciated. I wouldn’t recommend giving it up totally if there’s an alternative.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, May 11 2022, 12:10 am

I think if you will be sad to give it up - for you personally, then keep ticking them in.

But don’t worry about it for their sakes.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, May 11 2022, 12:10 am

Also, you could discuss it with them…

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 11 2022, 12:18 am

Will you be going out every single night? Maybe cut it to 3-5 night a week and tick them in the other nights

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