9 yo DS is scared of water, won't swim

amother

Wed, May 11 2022, 12:23 pm

Hi all,

As the title says, my 9.5 yo son is scared to put his head under water. We have gotten him lessons over the years, but they accomplished nothing except for emptying my wallet. All of the teachers we've tried have taken a more gentle, gradual approach, but he is extremely resistant and basically spent every lesson pushing off the moment he would have to put his face in, until time was up. He is not special ed, he doesn't have any specific sensory issues or special needs, he is just terrified of water.

I am of the opinion that we need to take a more forceful approach, but I am terrified. I know he WANTS to like the water, it's not fun to watch his friends have fun in the pool every day while he stays in the shallow end. But he's scared. I think we need a teacher that will literally force him to put his head under. But that sounds completely barbaric! I am so torn because on the one hand, I don't want him traumatized, and I don't love the idea of him being physically forced to do anything. But on the other hand, for his own safety he must learn to be water safe!

I wish we had started lessons earlier but when he was really little we simply didn't have the money for lessons.

If anyone has any advice, I would really really appreciate it. All my friends' kids the same age are happy swimmers, and they are honestly appalled at me that I've 'let it get so bad'. It kills me. I don't care if he isn't an olympic swimmer, I just want him to be safe, and to be able to at least get in the pool and tread water and enjoy himself with his friends.

amother

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:16 pm

Lovable wrote:

Where are you located?
Our lifeguard in summer camp did not allow for a camper to leave after the summer without knowing how to put their head under water & swim
And she did it in the most gentle & sensible manner

We're in the five towns.He goes to a great camp, and the lifeguard does what he can but they would never physically force anyone.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:18 pm

We had a similar situation and the way we got my son over his fear is by renting a private pool for only our family for an afternoon. My husband and I went into the pool with our son and gently encouraged him to first just put his face in and blow bubbles and eventually immerse his whole head. We held him so he felt safe and he resisted at first, but had plenty of time to mentally prepare himself, as we told him in advance. He did actually WANT to get over his fear, so if your son isn't there yet, it may not work. Once he was able to bring himself to do it and saw that he okay, the anxiety went away and he was able to continue with regular swimming lessons.

amother

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:21 pm

amother [ Lemonlime ] wrote:

I've tried this, it didn't work unfortunately.

amother

Narcissus

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:41 pm

Putting head in the water is not the first step, nor is blowing bubbles. Any instructor who specializes in teaching children/adults with fear of water knows this. First step would be to feel comfortable floating or kicking while using a pool noodle or even 2 of them doubled up. Child should be taught information about how the water holds people up (buoyancy). While using the noodle child should be taught how they can use their hands to push themselves up and out of the water. Not knowing how to get out from a floating position is very frightening. Eventually removing the noodle will work when the child understands that the body can float the same way, and trusts the water to feel comfortable enough to try.

amother

Bluebonnet

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:55 pm

I was like this until 4th grade. I had swimming lessons but never put my head in the water. One day I slipped in the pool and fell down. I came up and realized it wasn't so bad after all. I ran to the lifeguard to tell her, and then next day I learned to float with my head in the water.

amother

IndianRed

Wed, May 11 2022, 2:19 pm

Maybe I'm misunderstanding something, but why does he have to put his face in the water? I can swim on my front and back, can tread water for a long time, but almost never put my face in the water. I CAN, but I hate it so I just keep my head out of the water when swimming. Maybe I'm a slower swimmer, but who cares? I'm not racing.

amother

Midnight

Wed, May 11 2022, 2:24 pm

I am a lifeguard and taught swimming for a few years. Why do you think he needs to learn to put his head in? Is he willing to go swimming without puttung his head in? Then just encourage to swim laps without putting his face in. Eventually he won't even realize but he'll slowly find his face touching the water. And one day he'll be jumping into the pool too. Maybe in a couple of months maybe in a couple of years but it will happen.

HonesttoGod

Wed, May 11 2022, 8:10 pm

Fwiw I also shave a phobia of putting my head under water. Or any water in my face for that matter.

Mikvah is torture. And I have to talk myself through it and prepare mentally for the full shiva nekiim.
Showers - I rarely wash my face with water just with a squeezed out washcloth. Etc.

And yes I swim. In the deep end. But with my head above water. It’s doable.

Eta my phobia started as a kid when I was forced to put my head under the water.

amother

Lilac

Wed, May 11 2022, 8:23 pm

I took a long time to get over my fear of going under water. No one forced me but I did have many chances to play in the pool with friends and relatives and got some lessons. Over time (years), I learned how to do the back float, doggy paddle and then moved on to do handstands and flips in the shallow end. I can swim now. It is not my favorite thing on earth but I can do it. Forcing was not the answer for me.

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, May 11 2022, 8:29 pm

There's a book (probably many) with a step by step approach to getting over fear of the water. I wish I remembered the name, but I'm sure if you look on amazon, you will find methods.

I feel very strongly that forcing him is NOT the answer.

And yes, you probably need someone trained in this - maybe even a therapist for a few sessions can help -
or maybe someone can help him explore what's behind his fear of the water and then work through the deeper reason.

BrisketBoss

Wed, May 11 2022, 8:35 pm

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

Sounds good to me.

I remember I had a private swimming instructor at day camp, meaning I was the only one on my level because I was about 7 and not swimming yet. I never put my head underwater during class because I was too scared. Then for a birthday I had a pool party and at some point I just went for it, put my face in and saw it was ok. Moved my limbs around. Was informed that I was basically swimming haha, and after that I learned some real strokes.

Maybe peer pressure and hanging out in the water with no adult pressure will eventually work for your son. I see no reason why not.

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 10:38 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Check him for breathing problems.He may be scared of holding his breath.

he may have hidden environmental allergies. I.e. shortness of breath that does not show on a stethoscope but shows on allergy testing. chlorine, dust mites, leaves, pollen, chemical.
Pools have chlorine and other chemicals in it.