Is 12 too young…. Update

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:16 am

To insist that my daughter do her own laundry? She started getting her period at the beginning of the school year. When she gets it, she bleeds minimally, for a day or two. (Also, as a side note, is that something I should keep an eye on, or is it normal at this age?) The problem is that she doesn’t wear pads or tampons, except when she’s home. She does t really bleed enough for anything, maybe really not even tampons. Every so often, when I’m doing laundry, I will come across her bloody underwear, and it’s a little gross. Am I terrible to ask her to do her own laundry, either regularly or at least just when she has spiked underwear? (Another aside- the washer dryer is in my bathroom, so while I can put in a load at night and either switch it before I get into bed or don’t, once I get into bed she probably won’t be able to put in a load once I get into bed, which frequently is before her these days.)

amother

Junglegreen

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:20 am

I wouldn't expect my 12 year old to do her own laundry. Maybe she should be wearing a pad more often. Tell her she might not stain alot but its more hygienic to wear a pad for a few days.

imaima

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:20 am

I don’t know if it’s too young but I find it’s unfair to give her no pads and then be grossed out by her underwear.

I did her laundry when he diaper leaked too. I would explain to her how to try and keep cleaner but would still do her laundry.

ra_mom

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:20 am

Insist on pads or pantyliners. She must get used to them. Not ok to let her walk around without them when she has her period.
Otherwise get her period underwear. But you have to be willing to wash them. Maybe the compromise is that just for the underwear, she will wash them before school, and you will take them out of the washer and dry them.

Last edited by ra_mom on Thu, May 12 2022, 7:21 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:21 am

What am I reading?? She’s your child. Why isn’t she wearing a pad when she has her period? One day she’ll bleed through and embarrass herself. No you don’t make your 12 year old do her laundry because you find it gross. That’s a great way to give her body issues. And teach her better ways to handle her period.

amother

Leaf

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:21 am

My 13 year old had been doing her own laundry for a few years now. This was her choice...I guess it depends on the kid to know if it's too much or not.

But in terms of the bloody underwear, I would think it's basic hygiene. Teach her how to wash it by hand and let her do that before putting it into the laundry. Especially if she is choosing not to wear a pad.

I have a 9.5 year old with adhd who frequently holds it in when she needs to go number 2 and is often left with some mess on her underwear, despite many attempts to work through this in other ways. I finally decided to teach her how to hand wash it in the laundry room sink. She doesn't like it but is very capable and understands that she is taking care of her personal needs in this way, natural cause and effect

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:28 am

tzimip wrote:

Please don't. My daughter also bleeds on her sheets. I imagine she's embarrassed enough. I would insist though that she wears a pad when she has her period.

Bleeding THROUGH her pad/tampon is a different story. She’s not embarrassed, we’ve discussed it. I’ve tried to insist, but she refuses to wear anything, says everything is uncomfortable. The only thing I can think of is to get her period underwear, but honestly I’m not sure exactly how that works.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:30 am

imaima wrote:

I’m sorry, what? From where did you get that I don’t give her pads? Of course I do!!! What kind of horrible mother wouldn’t give her child sanitary products??

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:32 am

Sooner than forcing her to do laundry you need to show her the underwear explain that it will be embarrassing if she bleeds all over the place in public. Tell her it’s not negotiable she has to wear something. Buy many products let her try all until she finds one that works for her. That’s the important issue that needs to be worked on here.

leilatov1

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:39 am

It's not real reasonable. You should buy her a variety of period products or maybe even period underwear. Is she embarrassed to change sanitary pads in school?
Get her period undies and tell her to rinse out with cold water in the sink each night and leave them in a wet bag and you can just add to your hot wash

DrMom

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:45 am

Who does the laundry is a secondary issue:

The big question is: Why on earth doesn't she wear pads or something?

It's not normal to just bleed all over your clothes.

If she insists on not wearing anything that can absorb the blood, then yeah, the laundry is on her. But first find out why she is not using anything.

amother

Stonewash

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:47 am

Has she tried the thin small pantyliners? Those are so lightweight you hardly even feel them. But if she insists on not wearing anything then I think you could tell her to wash her laundry.

sushilover

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:48 am

The question really is, as always, what's best for your daughter.
In what way do you think she will benefit from doing her own laundry?

Btw, If she doesn't listen to you about wearing pads, what makes you think she'll listen to you when you tell her to do her laundry?

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:50 am

Would she wear disposable underwear or pull-ups? I'm not sure what the issue is with pads, but if she doesn't like them, having something else disposable to use instead may help in terms of laundry.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:52 am

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

I don’t know why she’s not!!! I wish she would!!! How exactly do I insist? I can’t exactly go into the bathroom and put the pad/tampon for her….I keep trying to explain it to her, but either she doesn’t get it or she just doesn’t care.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:54 am

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

Trust me, I’ve tried….I’m completely at a loss here. I’d gladly buy her period underwear, if someone can point me in the right direction and also explain how it works…

amother

Charcoal

Thu, May 12 2022, 7:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Or she cannot handle how it feels. I had this with dd. I went out an spent tons of money buying a lot of different types of things for her to try. She eventually started using the thinnest ones when using nothing wasn'tan option logistically, and complained the whole time. Then she complained around friends, who also complained, and that normalized things a bit for her.

Tachlis, I don't think 12 is too young for laundry, but not for this reason. At this age, I start teaching them to do their own laundry during the summer, during a time when they have more time. Once they know, if they want to deal with a load for a reason like this without telling me, they can. If not, I do it, which generally happens.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, May 12 2022, 8:00 am

OP - I have a son like you are describing - who refuses to take care of basic hygiene. I am going out on a limb and will guess that perhaps she is not neurotypical? Correct me if I'm wrong. My son will go a week without showering until we physically put him in the shower. He is very high functioning on autism spectrum and I count my blessings every single day that he is not a girl - he would be exactly like your daughter. The people yelling at you on the posts here are clueless- you cannot "force" someone to wear a pad if they are refusing.

Hugs - here is what works for us:
rewards
talking and explaining WHY pads are good and what happens if you dont wear one -but really spending the time talking about this- not just a 1 minute conversation. I find kids like this only do things if they have a true understanding of why they have to do what you are telling them.
collaborating on alternate solutions - like others said - special period underwear.

Again - hugs - if you know you know - otherwise the posters on here should be ignored as you are not dealing with a typical situation.