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Is 12 too young…. Update
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amother
RosePink


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:03 am
my 12 year has been doing her laundry for a number of years already- maybe since she's 9? but the reason for that was because I got tired of her complaining she didn't have clean clothing when they were sitting staring her in the face. Her personality is that she is very capable but can be very argumentative and accusatory so making her do her laundry was a way to just step out of at least one power struggle.

In terms of her period though I bought her pads AND period underwear.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/prod.....psc=1
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amother
Charcoal


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:03 am
It can take some girls a while to really get that this thing that has happened to them that they thought would be nothing but in actuality takes their lives over with pain, grossness, sensory stress and the stress of scheduling bathroom breaks at inopportune times is here to stay and must somehow be managed while still going through regular life. Some girls do what yours did. Some refuse to go to school. Some pad themselves do much they waddle. She'll get there.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:04 am
My daughter stains her underwear too sometimes, whether it's before she has a chance to put on a pad or a leak...
I taught her how to wash it out in the sink before putting it in the laundry. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that. If it's washed out when it's fresh, it's more likely to come out in the laundry and not be a stain.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:16 am
12 is definitely not too young to be doing her own laundry. But, I wouldn't advise it unless she has asked you if she can do her own laundry. I had kids who asked me at that age and earlier if they could do their own laundry because BH with a large family I wasn't always able to keep up. If she hasn't, it may become a burden on her and she won't do it and resent you.

Regarding the pads, buy every type you can find, from smallest sizes like pantiliner and the teen ones from always. I have sensory girls and eventually we were able to find ones that worked. And I would also look into the period underwear.

I have taught my girls that often times they will leak. And when this happens they should take whatever got soiled and wash in the sink and put it on top of the washer so that the stain doesn't set. Over the years, I have seen not all my girls care, and I have had to toss underwear when it grossed me out too much to wash.

If it happens that it gets on their sheets, they will take off their linen for wash on that day .
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:21 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Bleeding THROUGH her pad/tampon is a different story. She’s not embarrassed, we’ve discussed it. I’ve tried to insist, but she refuses to wear anything, says everything is uncomfortable. The only thing I can think of is to get her period underwear, but honestly I’m not sure exactly how that works.

And walking around in bloody undies = comfortable?

She's 12. She can't expect to bleed all over the house and have somebody clean up after her like she's a messy toddler. She has to use something. Work with her to find an option that works, and if she eventually settles on period underwear, she should (IMO), rinse them out herself.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:33 am
As the mom of a sensory child, I hear you. Headbands, bows, and lace just don’t happen in this house Can't Believe It

I found this article very helpful in breaking down the options for period panties: https://mamaknowsitall.com/bes.....irls/

Hatzlacha!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:35 am
amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:
Has she tried the thin small pantyliners? Those are so lightweight you hardly even feel them. But if she insists on not wearing anything then I think you could tell her to wash her laundry.

I can’t remember if I responded to this already, but that’s a great idea, thank you!!!!
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Bleeding THROUGH her pad/tampon is a different story. She’s not embarrassed, we’ve discussed it. I’ve tried to insist, but she refuses to wear anything, says everything is uncomfortable. The only thing I can think of is to get her period underwear, but honestly I’m not sure exactly how that works.


Then you need to get her period underwear.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:43 am
amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:
Or she cannot handle how it feels. I had this with dd. I went out an spent tons of money buying a lot of different types of things for her to try. She eventually started using the thinnest ones when using nothing wasn'tan option logistically, and complained the whole time. Then she complained around friends, who also complained, and that normalized things a bit for her.

Tachlis, I don't think 12 is too young for laundry, but not for this reason. At this age, I start teaching them to do their own laundry during the summer, during a time when they have more time. Once they know, if they want to deal with a load for a reason like this without telling me, they can. If not, I do it, which generally happens.

I didn’t even think of that….that could definitely be a possibility.
I think I’m going to take her out one night next week, just her and me, and we can talk. Maybe over ice cream…or donuts…nothing serious, like dinner, where there are other people around who might hear. I’m going to try to get to the bottom of it, and also offer her more options, but at the same time make it clear that she needs to use SOMETHING.
All of my kids, even my 6 year old (to the extent that she can, and with help) know how to do laundry. I just don’t make them, because there is so little time.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:45 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
OP - I have a son like you are describing - who refuses to take care of basic hygiene. I am going out on a limb and will guess that perhaps she is not neurotypical? Correct me if I'm wrong. My son will go a week without showering until we physically put him in the shower. He is very high functioning on autism spectrum and I count my blessings every single day that he is not a girl - he would be exactly like your daughter. The people yelling at you on the posts here are clueless- you cannot "force" someone to wear a pad if they are refusing.

Hugs - here is what works for us:
rewards
talking and explaining WHY pads are good and what happens if you dont wear one -but really spending the time talking about this- not just a 1 minute conversation. I find kids like this only do things if they have a true understanding of why they have to do what you are telling them.
collaborating on alternate solutions - like others said - special period underwear.

Again - hugs - if you know you know - otherwise the posters on here should be ignored as you are not dealing with a typical situation.

She might have mild ADHD, but other than that I think she is neurotypical. I have a son like the one you are describing. Hugs back.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:47 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
As the mom of a sensory child, I hear you. Headbands, bows, and lace just don’t happen in this house Can't Believe It

I found this article very helpful in breaking down the options for period panties: https://mamaknowsitall.com/bes.....irls/

Hatzlacha!

Thank you!!
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I’m sorry, what? From where did you get that I don’t give her pads? Of course I do!!! What kind of horrible mother wouldn’t give her child sanitary products??


Then you didn’t want word your OP properly.
The issue is really not who does the laundry.

The issue is how to persuade her to wear a pad or anything at all.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 8:57 am
imaima wrote:
Then you didn’t want word your OP properly.
The issue is really not who does the laundry.

The issue is how to persuade her to wear a pad or anything at all.

It’s two separate issues. I was asking about laundry, but also got some wonderful advice about getting her to wear something.
I went back and reread my op more than once, and still haven’t figured out how you came to the conclusion that I don’t provide sanitary products for her.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:26 am
For many many years, I was in agony every time I had my period from pads. A few years ago, I mentioned it to someone and she suggested I switch to a natural brand. It was a game changer. It must have been the chemicals in there or something that really irritated me and drove me out of my mind. I wonder if that could be an issue for your dd.
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Thisisnotmyreal




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:36 am
Not to do her own laundry, but maybe to teach her how to spray peroxide on her underwear until the blood is out and that way you have pretreated less gross underwear to treat.
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amother
Almond


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:42 am
Op, can I suggest that until you manage to find a pad or solution that is acceptable for your dd, you buy her black underwear? That way you won't notice it as much when you do laundry.

I understand your dd. I hate wearing pads since I find them intolerably uncomfortae, and I often have very light periods which makes wearing tampons also painful. So those days I also don't wear anything. Before anyone attacks me, nothing ever leaks past my underwear, it doesn't feel wet, I always wear black, and since I wash my own laundry I feel I can choose my own liberties. I also rarely wear anything at night unless it's the heaviest day, and I've never stained my sheets.

Also my I gave my dds a bunch of different thin pads to use and try when they started their periods. Cos thin is better and all that. Well 1 time 1 dd was in my bathroom and she found a huge thick maternity pad I had from after I gave birth. She asked me after to only buy her those because they were so yummy and soft and so much more comfortable lol. I think I kind of agree with her.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:44 am
Thisisnotmyreal wrote:
Not to do her own laundry, but maybe to teach her how to spray peroxide on her underwear until the blood is out and that way you have pretreated less gross underwear to treat.


Good suggestion. For my own (quite rare) bloodstain on clothing, it makes a world of difference to soak it right away, and then it washes out just fine.

You should direct her to how to soak or spray stained clothing and linens as soon as they stain (and possibly direct her to a non-embarrassing strategy to keep this out of siblings' notice), and then the laundry is not a big deal.

The period underpants people linked to look like a great option for you.
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amother
Dimgray


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:47 am
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
My daughter stains her underwear too sometimes, whether it's before she has a chance to put on a pad or a leak...
I taught her how to wash it out in the sink before putting it in the laundry. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that. If it's washed out when it's fresh, it's more likely to come out in the laundry and not be a stain.


I was waiting for this response as I also "leaked" at this age because I hadn't gotten the knack and also because I wasn't using tampons yet.

I wasn't asked to do laundry as a chore but my mother did have me rinse out the underwear in cold water so that the blood wouldn't set. I didn't suffer any trauma from having to do this.

And I would explore all of the alternatives there are now in terms of stuff like period panties because at some point she is going to face an embarrassing episode of some kind. I get that dealing with periods is a LOT - I came of age when pads were bulky and were worn with a belt that you hooked the ends of the pads to. LOL
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amother
Hibiscus


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:49 am
.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 9:51 am
Thisisnotmyreal wrote:
Not to do her own laundry, but maybe to teach her how to spray peroxide on her underwear until the blood is out and that way you have pretreated less gross underwear to treat.

Is that safe for me if I’m pregnant?
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