Is 12 too young…. Update

amother

Fern

Thu, May 12 2022, 9:51 am

Interesting for me to read this! As a teen I wore pads because I was taught to wear it.
I'm not even sure at what point I stopped wearing pads but now, at the age of 30, I just put a few tissues that can be flushed and replaced every time I use the bathroom. For me it's so much cleaner and easier. I have very light periods. I hate pads. I don't consider myself sensory.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 9:53 am

amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:

Maybe bring her to her (female)doctor to have her explain appropriate period behaviors and options. Sometimes kids hear things differently coming from a different source. If your daughter is a brat maybe you can have her do her laundry. But she sounds very immature, I don't think it's nice to insist.

I was thinking of maybe doing this, but we just switched doctors, to a practice with females, and she has t been there yet. I don’t think she would be comfortable with such a conversation with someone she doesn’t know.

Sesame

Thu, May 12 2022, 9:58 am

Wow I guess I didn’t appreciate my mum enough. She never ever said anything when I had blood somewhere. Id have been super embarrassed if she would have!
Op it seems that either she doesn’t like the feel (sensory) or she’s struggling with there being a new situation. Just try be open understanding and relaxed and she may open up. But for her own sake she really needs to wear something. It’s awkward and scary and uncomfortable at first but if you can support her and acknowledge this it might encourage her

amother

Snowflake

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:45 am

Personally don't think it's too young to do laundry, I know a number of people who teach their children to do their own laundry for various reasons, and I myself decided to do my own laundry at some point just cuz...

That being said, I would definitely be very very uncomfortable with being told or given the idea that I have to do my own laundry because my mother found mine 'gross.'
People can have enough 'shame' (not sure that's the right word) about things like their period already, and I don't think this exactly encourages the normalization...

On the other topic, some different suggestions if she wants to try:
pads - different lengths, thick vs thin, with flaps/wings v without
panty liners
period underwear
tampons - different sizes with different applicators

I know for myself I always used pads but over the years found different things that worked better and 'improved my experience' (from basic to thin with wings to tampons and then pads as the flow slowed...)

Also, wondering if part of her refusal is the practical of changing it or getting rid of it? For example, if she's in school and they don't have a garbage can in the bathroom, or not one she feels comfortable leaving things, or if she doesn't have a way to 'sneak' a new one into the bathroom, or maybe she doesn't want other people in the bathroom to hear or chap...

Just some thoughts

Hatzlacha!!

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:50 am

amother [ Snowflake ] wrote:

Thank you so much for being so kind!! Obviously if I say anything to her, I wouldn’t say it’s because it’s gross. The last thing I want is for her to be ashamed of something natural. That was just MY wording that I wrote HERE.

imaima

Thu, May 12 2022, 12:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s two separate issues. I was asking about laundry, but also got some wonderful advice about getting her to wear something.
I went back and reread my op more than once, and still haven’t figured out how you came to the conclusion that I don’t provide sanitary products for her.

There was no explanation as to why she wasn’t wearing pads. It didn’t say that she flat out refuses to wear them and I couldn’t even imagine you would let her get away with it. She is setting herself up for a major embarrassment and maybe even irreparable mess if she leaks in public and happens to have a stronger bleed. You never know with teens what their period might be like.

I do understand now why you want her to do her own laundry. It’s not that it’s gross. She is just being childish and thinks it’s okay to leak a little bit if mommy washes it. She wants to avoid a minor discomfort at your expense.

Maybe if she is still not scared to leak in public, then dealing with her own dirty laundry will drive the point home for her.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, May 12 2022, 12:48 pm

I put my period underwear in with my regular wash. If its very heavily soaked with blood I might rinse it first in cold water. You can't see the blood, I have black ones, but they get heavy.

Period underwear looks just like regular underwear, but it has a few layers of some absorbant material at the crotch. If your daughter has light periods they are a great option! I like bambody, they are inexpensive and supposedly made of a healthier material than thinx. Get enough pairs so she can wear them the week her period is due. Theoretically she could wear them every day of the month but that can get expensive...
https://www.amazon.com/stores/.....DF668

amother

Dahlia

Thu, May 12 2022, 1:39 pm

I think she should know how to do her own laundry, so maybe pick a time when she's not on her period to show her how. Let her know that she can do her laundry as she needs, but that you'll still do the family's laundry. Bloody underwear is just a reality of period-getting girls and women. It happens.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 1:57 pm

Zehava wrote:

When you sign up to have kids you gotta be ready to deal with all sorts of gross bodily fluids. Poop, vomit, and yes, blood. If you can’t handle it get a cleaning lady to do laundry.

Have you thought about maybe being a little kinder? It doesn’t seem to me like you have read through this thread.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, May 12 2022, 2:23 pm

Why are you looking at her underwear? When I do my DD's laundry, I just dump the basket straight into the washing machine. I don't care if it is stained, if they don't care.

But I would offer her cloth pads (I find those WAY more comfortable) or as other have said, period underwear. Let her know that there are tons of choices and you're happy to let her try out whatever she thinks might help, she's going to have her period for many years and deserves to find something that is comfortable for her.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 2:33 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

I’m not LOOKING, but do you really never see anything that goes into your washing machine? Also, I have a front loader, so I can’t just dump it in.

acemom

Thu, May 12 2022, 2:42 pm

We all pitched in as kids with the laundry. It just wasn't officially anyone's job.

My mother taught us to spray or pretreat our stained underwear or sheets and not put in the hamper with the rest of the clothes.

How is it different than when a child has an "accident"?
Soiled stuff gets rinsed and pretreated and put straight into the washing machine.

shaqued_almond

Thu, May 12 2022, 2:49 pm

This is such an American thread lol twelve is a good age for her to start cleaning it. Just like poop, as soon as they can take care of it themselves you shouldn't take care of it for them. Having a talk with her about womanhood is a great idea as puberty can be traumatic. When you teach her how to clean her underwear you need to explain to her that she's learning it so she knows what to do when you're not around. She could be at a sleepover or at camp. Blood can smell so it's better to take care of that right away. Also, I'm surprised that nobody brought this up but if she's not using pads or period underwear, and she's with the same underwear for hours she can get a yeast infection. And that will hurt more. Some things in life are uncomfortable and we just kinda have to deal with it. It's okay for her to cry about getting her period or be unhappy as long as you don't shame her for it.