Is 12 too young…. Update

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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sarahmalka

Thu, May 12 2022, 3:16 pm

OP sorry I didn't read all the replies but wanted to jump on and say if your daughter finds pads uncomfortable, try either the period underwear or cloth pads like Glad Rags. The cloth pads are so much more comfortable than plastic/disposable! Easy to teach her to rinse them out thoroughly before putting in laundry basket.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 4:17 pm

Chickensoupprof wrote:

I hated pads... I used tampons always. I don't know why but it seems that frum girls and women never use tampons? Why? I just hated pads because it felt like a diaper when I was a teen, oh and I always leaked through especially in bed even XXL tampons made me leak through.

I never used tampons as a single girl. My doctor told me I couldn’t, because I didn’t bleed enough and I was too dry and could scratch myself.

watergirl

Fri, May 13 2022, 7:19 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I never used tampons as a single girl. My doctor told me I couldn’t, because I didn’t bleed enough and I was too dry and could scratch myself.

I just read through this entire thread and came here to say this actually. I am a tampon person myself and even used them after my last baby in the hospital (c-section bonus! That dr said to go for it!). I understand your daughter, I literally cannot tolerate wearing a pad. When I had to wear a pad after a baby, I literally couldn’t leave the bedroom and cried and cried because it was so uncomfortable for me. But I have a very heavy flow.

OP, you said that your daughter has very light flow for a day and a half. If it’s late, she should not be using tampons because they will be hard to get in, feel uncomfortable once in, and be painful to remove. It has absolutely nothing to do with being single and I’m surprised your doctor told you that part. But somebody with a very light flow should not be used in tampons. Most people don’t use tampons the last day of their period.

I agree with people who said she should wear pantiliners if her period is so light. Going with nothing is not an option. This stuff is uncomfortable, that is an indisputable fact of life she’ll have to get used to it like it or not unfortunately.

amother

Viola

Fri, May 13 2022, 12:04 pm

Making her do her laundery because you are grossed out IS WRONG.
It will give her a complex.
You want her to be comfortable with her body not disgusted

amother

Fri, May 13 2022, 12:34 pm

amother [ Viola ] wrote:

Making her do her laundery because you are grossed out IS WRONG.
It will give her a complex.
You want her to be comfortable with her body not disgusted

Please read through the rest of the thread. I said that was only the wording I used HERE and obviously not something I would ever say to her.

ra_mom

Fri, May 13 2022, 2:46 pm

OP, if she is sensory she might prefer the longer maxi pads with wings, ironically enough. You can find them in thin and panty liner versions. The wings keep the pad firmly in place, things don't move around or start curling up, blood doesn't move around.

amother

Fern

Sun, May 15 2022, 12:10 am

watergirl wrote:

....
OP, you said that your daughter has very light flow for a day and a half. If it’s late, she should not be using tampons because they will be hard to get in, feel uncomfortable once in, and be painful to remove. It has absolutely nothing to do with being single and I’m surprised your doctor told you that part. But somebody with a very light flow should not be used in tampons. Most people don’t use tampons the last day of their period.

I agree with people who said she should wear pantiliners if her period is so light. Going with nothing is not an option. This stuff is uncomfortable, that is an indisputable fact of life she’ll have to get used to it like it or not unfortunately.

I feel stupid asking, but how can a girl put in a tampon if she's not married yet? TMI

BrisketBoss

Sun, May 15 2022, 12:13 am

amother [ Fern ] wrote:

I feel stupid asking, but how can a girl put in a tampon if she's not married yet? TMI

Tampons are pretty narrow. Also your v*gina has the same ability to expand regardless of whether it has had a p*nis in it. The experience of losing your virginity does not 'stretch you out.'

In general, people give too much credit to p*nises. They are not magical. They do not alter a woman's physiology. A lot of women keep their hymen intact after marriage and a lot don't bleed at all when they first have s*x. It is hard to tell whether a woman has ever had s*x or not. This can be difficult for people to accept.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Sun, May 15 2022, 12:35 am; edited 3 times in total

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, May 15 2022, 12:15 am

amother [ Fern ] wrote:

I feel stupid asking, but how can a girl put in a tampon if she's not married yet? TMI

If your hymen is open enough for your period blood to exit, it is almost always plenty large enough for a tampon to fit through.

Were you able to do a bedikah before your wedding? A tampon is not that different in diameter than a finger.

BrisketBoss

Sun, May 15 2022, 12:18 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

I didn't even think of that. Great point about the bedika.

I just realized that there must be a lot of women who never even put a finger up there until they're about to get married. That must be a very weird time!

essie14

Sun, May 15 2022, 1:03 am

amother [ Fern ] wrote:

I feel stupid asking, but how can a girl put in a tampon if she's not married yet? TMI

The same way the menstrual blood exits your v@gina allows something to enter, whether a p3nis, a finger or a tampon.
Getting married doesn't magically alter your biology.

amother

Opal

Sun, May 15 2022, 1:07 am

Another vote for trying cloth pads (or the period underwear).

Cloth pads come in lots of shapes/sizes and levels of absorbency, including small pantyliners. They do not get hot and uncomfortable like disposable ones can. Once I discovered them, it changed my life at that time of the month. They are easy to take care of —just pop them in a wet/dry bag until ready to do wash. They actually felt a lot more normal/better to me emotionally than having this bloody disposable thing to have to try to discreetly discard in the trash. I remember being very self-conscious about that when I was a teen.

flowerpower

Sun, May 15 2022, 1:48 am

None of my kids do their own laundry. They help me sometimes load the machine or whatever. This isn’t a dormitory. They get full laundry service here.

DrMom

Sun, May 15 2022, 1:49 am

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

Not to do her own laundry, but maybe to teach her how to spray peroxide on her underwear until the blood is out and that way you have pretreated less gross underwear to treat.

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is that safe for me if I’m pregnant?

Plain old hydrogen peroxide? Of course it is safe.

amother

Molasses

Sun, May 15 2022, 1:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Trust me, I’ve tried….I’m completely at a loss here. I’d gladly buy her period underwear, if someone can point me in the right direction and also explain how it works…

I also can't stand the pads. They are so uncomfortable and I always bled more than they held and got my panties dirty. I buy those disposable adult underwear meant for incontinence and I throw them out. No washing involved.

DrMom

Sun, May 15 2022, 2:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Bleeding THROUGH her pad/tampon is a different story. She’s not embarrassed, we’ve discussed it. I’ve tried to insist, but she refuses to wear anything, says everything is uncomfortable. The only thing I can think of is to get her period underwear, but honestly I’m not sure exactly how that works.

I'm not sure if anybody answered this question.

Period underwear is underwear with a built-in absorbent core in the crotch area. You just wear those instead of underwear + pad and wash them out.

IME, they only work if you have a reasonably light flow (or if you wear them as backup with a tampon (and of course an unmarried person can use a tampon -- I am surprised how many women here think otherwise)), but since that is your DD's situation for now, it may be a good solution for her.

You can find many vendors for this product, Search "period underwear" on Amazon to find different brands and reviews.

IMO, she should learn to rinse them out herself before tossing them in the family laundry.

andrea levy

Sun, May 15 2022, 2:16 am

My kids learned to do laundry as soon as they could reach into the top loader.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, May 15 2022, 2:20 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Kan hamakom to recommend that every kallah be encouraged to do a practice bedikah DURING her period so that she is confident that she properly understands her biology.

amother

Fern

Sun, May 15 2022, 9:54 am

Thanks for explainging amother@Aquamarine @BrisketBoss and @essie14

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 9:29 pm

I wrote “update” but then I got distracted, and I forgot to write the update!!

My daughter had an appointment today, and then we went for ice cream after, so I used the time in the car to talk to her. BH she DOES use pads now, cuz she (in her words) “realized it’s gross.” I asked her if the pads she uses are good, or if she wants to try different ones, or tampons, and she said they’re good. I also told her that if she ever DOES leak into her underwear, she should change right away when she comes hone, and I’ll show her how to rinse it out.

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