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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 11:24 am
I'm working at my job for about 5 years. I helped really build the place up from being the only employee to a team of workers.

I love the work I do and look forward to going to work each day. But, I'm sooo done. I look at my friends that have these easy jobs, they just come to work, shmooze, shop online and also do some phone work, data entry and the like and go home and that's it. they take off at random to give themselves a self care day etc.

I on the other hand, have work that really needs problem solving and brains. Have real deadlines to be met and barely have time to even check my personal emails.

the problem is that I started feeling really resentful about my job and I guess a bit jealous of others being able to chill at work while I work hard at work and come home to take care of my whole family BH and don't have a second to breathe. taking a day off is saved for when kids are sick otherwise work piles up to no end and its even more stressful for me.

but, I started not performing so well at work. I usually let my team know when I have 'extra; time and then take on more work etc. I'm actually not so busy now but I have no drive to do anything. I space out at my desk when really I have time to take on more etc.

Not feeling very good about myself right now...
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amother




Ghostwhite
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 11:31 am
I have an easy job and I also get that way!!

First of all, you sound like a really conscientious person. So not taking extra tasks feels like underperformance. It’s not.

Do you work for yourself or for a boss? Are you a manager? Does your workplace have remote options? Did you get a raise recently? Do you feel valued?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 11:46 am
amother [ Ghostwhite ] wrote:
I have an easy job and I also get that way!!

First of all, you sound like a really conscientious person. So not taking extra tasks feels like underperformance. It’s not.

Do you work for yourself or for a boss? Are you a manager? Does your workplace have remote options? Did you get a raise recently? Do you feel valued?


Thanks!!

I am the manager of my department. work for my boss. I actually took somewhat of a break from managing the office because a bunch of staff left and we couldn't find new hires so I took on a lot of the work and let everything else slide (my boss was on board, no other choice). And I have no patience to switch back again. not that I'm enjoying doing the other type of work...

I got a raise a few months ago but I know I'm still being underpaid based on my position and responsibilities, and the market these days. BUT, the thing is I don't want to get a raise. I'm not interested in my boss expecting more from me being that now he's paying me more...does that even make sense?? I just dont' want to work so hard anymore!!
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amother




DarkGreen
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 12:46 pm
Why don’t you get more employees to take off some of your work load?
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amother




Birch
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 12:51 pm
Ugh I feel you.
Om so exhausted in my personal life, too, and I just want a nap
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 12:53 pm
amother [ DarkGreen ] wrote:
Why don’t you get more employees to take off some of your work load?


We have by now. But its not easy breezy work so its really hard to find that type of worker these days.

But that's not the point. I'm not overwhelmed at all. I'm just burnt out and so uninterested in working hard.

I can technically get a new job but that would mean so much change and I have no patience for that either!
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amother




Almond
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 12:58 pm
You know what is the biggest cause of burn out? Not taking breaks or vacation days that you’re entitled to. This is a known fact.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 1:05 pm
amother [ Almond ] wrote:
You know what is the biggest cause of burn out? Not taking breaks or vacation days that you’re entitled to. This is a known fact.


I think you're right. But I use all my days between sick kids, dentist and doctor appntmnts and Yom tov...

and when I do want to take a personal day its literally not worth it for me for the amount of work that piles up
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 1:28 pm
You really sound like a vacation is in order.

Is a long weekend possible? Like tacking on an extra day to Memorial Day or Indepencence Day weekend — both are on Mondays this year.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 1:34 pm
Rubber Ducky wrote:
You really sound like a vacation is in order.

Is a long weekend possible? Like tacking on an extra day to Memorial Day or Independence Day weekend — both are on Mondays this year.


My office does not give off on legal holidays...I guess I should just go for it but I don't know when...next week I have a kids play one morning, a few days later I have 2 kids dentist appointment...I feel like there's never a good time!
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 1:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My office does not give off on legal holidays...I guess I should just go for it but I don't know when...next week I have a kids play one morning, a few days later I have 2 kids dentist appointment...I feel like there's never a good time!


When you have an appointment or a play do you just do the appointment and then run right back to the office?
What if you tack on an extra hour after the appointment to just do your own thing and then go back to the office later...
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 1:41 pm
singleagain wrote:
When you have an appointment or a play do you just do the appointment and then run right back to the office?
What if you tack on an extra hour after the appointment to just do your own thing and then go back to the office later...


depends on the amount of work I have or if I took off more often around that time. but if I need to run a quick errand or get myself a coffee, I'll walk out of work for 45 mins. but that hasn't helped with my feeling completely burnt out...
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amother




Blushpink
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 2:29 pm
I would think you’re me except I’ve been at my job for 3 years…
Thinking of leaving because it’s putting a huge toll on my mental health.
Good luck!!
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amother




Chambray
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 2:49 pm
amother [ Blushpink ] wrote:
I would think you’re me except I’ve been at my job for 3 years…
Thinking of leaving because it’s putting a huge toll on my mental health.
Good luck!!

Same here
The stress has totally gotten to me, its crazy
Wish I could stop working all together but we need the money

I wonder if the Op is my manager lol. sounds just like it
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 5:18 pm
amother [ Chambray ] wrote:
Same here
The stress has totally gotten to me, its crazy
Wish I could stop working all together but we need the money

I wonder if the Op is my manager lol. sounds just like it


Lol maybe I am. I did change a few minor details to keep my identity…
It’s not that I want to stop working. I don’t think I can be a sahm. I need to get out every day. But even working less hours a day and having off on Friday would be a dream. Can’t happen at my job because you need to put in enough time to be able to do your job in general and be available for clients but I’m just sooo done!!
And it’s not like dh is so available to make things easier for me. He works really hard too
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 5:31 pm
I want to bring something up.

You work for a company. The company is ultimately responsible for the work. Not you. Really hear me when I say this. THE COMPANY IS RESPONSIBLE.

If you take a vacation for two weeks, you do not own the company. You work for someone else. It is their job to figure out the work situation. You are not responsible for the "work piling up". It is the company that took on this work, and the company that decided that all this work could be placed on the shoulders of one very responsible person.

I learned this the hard way.

Let some of this responsibility go. Taking responsibility is a good thing, something everyone values. But I've watched some of the most vital people at a company flit off somewhere for a few weeks and let the chips fall where they may, and you know what? It was fine. It all turned out fine.

When you work for yourself, then yes, all this falls on your own shoulders. But that's why we are underpaid and work for someone who gets far richer than we do - for the ability to say, "Not my problem, I'm owed this PTO", and forget about it. And even if you don't have enough PTO days, take time off without pay if you need it.

It's not your problem. I'm not saying to slack off or be a bad employee. I'm telling you to live your life, take off when you need to, and not make your life about a company's performance. Because you aren't paid enough for that. Certainly not for one you don't even own.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 12 2022, 5:43 pm
imorethanamother wrote:
I want to bring something up.

You work for a company. The company is ultimately responsible for the work. Not you. Really hear me when I say this. THE COMPANY IS RESPONSIBLE.

If you take a vacation for two weeks, you do not own the company. You work for someone else. It is their job to figure out the work situation. You are not responsible for the "work piling up". It is the company that took on this work, and the company that decided that all this work could be placed on the shoulders of one very responsible person.

I learned this the hard way.

Let some of this responsibility go. Taking responsibility is a good thing, something everyone values. But I've watched some of the most vital people at a company flit off somewhere for a few weeks and let the chips fall where they may, and you know what? It was fine. It all turned out fine.

When you work for yourself, then yes, all this falls on your own shoulders. But that's why we are underpaid and work for someone who gets far richer than we do - for the ability to say, "Not my problem, I'm owed this PTO", and forget about it. And even if you don't have enough PTO days, take time off without pay if you need it.

It's not your problem. I'm not saying to slack off or be a bad employee. I'm telling you to live your life, take off when you need to, and not make your life about a company's performance. Because you aren't paid enough for that. Certainly not for one you don't even own.


Omg. Let me tell you that the past few weeks this has become my motto.
My boss called me in asking why I’m shirking my responsibilities and keep shrugging off certain things. Until now I was a shmatta to him. Now that it’s just too much and like you said, I’m not the owner I’m just a paid worker, I’ve started really responding to Al these small things he “expects or asks of me that I’m just not doing it. I told him that when we had a catch up meeting recently we discussed certain things that you wanted to make clear out my job and I’ve been really keeping to that. I was never told and never agreed that I need to fill in for a maternity leave when I’m already beyond busy or it needs to be my responsibility to find a new hire because someone left. He was really upset but realized that he better keep quiet if he doesn’t want me yo leave…so he’s def backed off but it doesn’t help me from feeling that I’m so so done
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:03 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Omg. Let me tell you that the past few weeks this has become my motto.
My boss called me in asking why I’m shirking my responsibilities and keep shrugging off certain things. Until now I was a shmatta to him. Now that it’s just too much and like you said, I’m not the owner I’m just a paid worker, I’ve started really responding to Al these small things he “expects or asks of me that I’m just not doing it. I told him that when we had a catch up meeting recently we discussed certain things that you wanted to make clear out my job and I’ve been really keeping to that. I was never told and never agreed that I need to fill in for a maternity leave when I’m already beyond busy or it needs to be my responsibility to find a new hire because someone left. He was really upset but realized that he better keep quiet if he doesn’t want me yo leave…so he’s def backed off but it doesn’t help me from feeling that I’m so so done


You feel done because you’ve taken ownership for a company that’s not yours. You take it too personally. It’s not personal, because someone else is making all the decisions and giving you the fallout.

I used to work like crazy to make sure we stayed under budget on various projects because I took it to heart when the boss said they were struggling. Meanwhile, after killing myself so they can save $10,000, they gave themselves a $25,000 raise. I got a bonus check that was like $500.

If they can’t find people to fill in roles, oh well. Not your problem. Just keep singing it. Oh well. Not my problem. Maternity leave? Oh well! Hope you find someone yes isn’t it so hard these days? Oh there’s a mountain of work after I took off three days? Can’t do it, somebody’s gotta help me with this otherwise it won’t get done, sorry! Oh, and by the way I’m going to go remote on fridays from now on, thanks!

And then go home and spend time with your kids and refuse to answer any emails or phone calls on your own time. It’s not worth it!
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amother




Steelblue
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 6:25 am
If your boss is noticing the change in you, that’s not good. You’ve worked there 5 years and you need him to give you a glowing reference. I myself was feeling really burned out earlier this year and ended up switching jobs. Think about doing that rather than just sitting at your desk feeling tired and resentful to the point where people are noticing. If you gave your all to build up the company in the early years, don’t sabotage your reputation by fizzling out in a visible way. It’s a great time right now to look for a job that’s less intense and leave on good terms with your boss.
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Goldie613




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 7:14 am
It's not just you, and yes, you probably do need a bit of a break - assuming you can figure out where to squeeze one in, or at least convince yourself that it's ok to take one!

I don't know if you've ever watched the show "Grey's Anatomy" , but this clip reminds me very much of what you're saying, as well as perhaps giving you a new way to think. The only things you need to know about the show to follow the clip is that the woman who comes in to the office (in a white coat) is Miranda Bailey, a higher up in the hospital, and the woman in black sitting down (Catherine) is in a higher position than her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlXsYN2kIoc
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