DD Being Left Back

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DD Being Left Back

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:06 pm

The school is suggesting that my dd repeat kindergarten and I’m really sad about it. I really liked her class and thought she was doing well. Anyone been through similar and has chizzuk for me?

amother

Eggshell

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:13 pm

I could have written the same exact post 12 months ago. Repeating my DD has been the greatest gift we could have ever given her. The schools generally know what they’re talking about when they make this suggestion. I had the same concerns regarding friends but she quickly made great new friends!

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:16 pm

I held one kid back and repeated 4s. Was the best thing I could do for him. He's now 17 in 11th grade in mesivta and doing really well. He's extremely bright and has friends. He just needed the extra year to "be a kid"

I was going to do it for another son too, but we moved and the deadlines were different. So by default he ended in the younger grade and repeated 4s that way.

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:18 pm

amother [ Eggshell ] wrote:

Was it hard for her or was she confused that her friends moved on to a different grade or she didn’t realize?

amother

Eggshell

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Was it hard for her or was she confused that her friends moved on to a different grade or she didn’t realize?

She did totally fine! As long as you feel confident in the decision she will feel that. We bought her a book on Amazon called My Second Year of Kindergarten which normalized the situation and told her we made the decision we didn’t want her to be the youngest girl in her class (which she knew she was the year before).

She asked if her friends were doing a second year and I told her they weren’t because they’re older than her.

hcrbg

Thu, May 12 2022, 11:46 pm

As a special Ed teacher I say for sure do it. I sadly see so many schools push kids up just because that’s there age. Very few schools I find are honest about it. As a parent yes it’s hard at first but in the long run most definitely worth it. Hatzlacha!!!

amother

Natural

Fri, May 13 2022, 12:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The school is suggesting that my dd repeat kindergarten and I’m really sad about it. I really liked her class and thought she was doing well. Anyone been through similar and has chizzuk for me?

Is she from the youngest?

amother

Acacia

Fri, May 13 2022, 7:34 am

The best thing I ever did for my child quite a few years ago and time keeps showing it to me again and again. And I was so reluctant and did an outside evaluation before making the decision. I told her that girls who aren't 6 yet don't go on to first grade and she was kinda ok with that.

rdmom

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:08 am

I did it for my daughter too and I haven’t regretted it for a day. She is not in 3rd grade and instead of running after academically she is up to par.
As to you asking how she will take it. That depends on you. It’s how you will spin it to her. And just letting you know. Kindergarten is the perfect time to repeat. You don’t want her to have to do it in pre 1 a or even in grade school.
I told my daughter that Morah chany - who was going to her Morah the second time around in kindergarten, was the best Morah in the school. We couldn’t get her the first time she went to kindergarten so we tried being in her class now. Made her excited to go to Morah Chany’s class.
Honestly. I am being shown time and time again what a great decision it was.

amother

Valerian

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:08 am

Omg I had my son repeat 5s and it was the most amazing thing I could do for him. He went from being bullied on the bus and in Title 1 to being one of the tallest, biggest, smartest and most popular in the class. He went from not being able to read and write to literally finishing Harry Potter and writing a book (he’s 8 now). It’s a tremendous gift that you can give your child.

I packaged the repeat by saying that it was a government thing with UPK and the calendar and that since he’s a November baby he needs to go back again. He was totally fine and didn’t really care. Now he thinks it’s cool that his old friends who are a grade above come talk to him and play with him - helps him show off to his current class that the big boys like him.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:25 am

I held my daughter back And I will say it really depends why. I went back and forth with redoing kindergarten but A big concern was academic. I pushed to put into pre1a to see what happens with reading I rather hold her then. I did get her help in pre1a but she was so far behind I held her back . Honestly it was amazing for her but She does talk about it like you made me do this. Her do over year was the lockdown so really worked out for us. She’s still behind and struggling academically but Socially is doing very well. But if we didn’t hold back she would probably be lost Academically.

amother

Mauve

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:29 am

Considering that the schools have all accelerated I think more kids should repeat. It used to be mostly for social but now that by the end of pre 1 a they need to read, write and do arithmetic, many kids are just not ready. My son is delayed and gets services, just makes the cut for all the skills.

amother

Nemesia

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:38 am

Do it! My daughter was the youngest in the entire grade (born a couple of days before the cut-off date). I tried to get them to let her repeat Kindergarten but they wouldn't let. Said she's doing fine. Same with pre1A. In first grade all of a sudden the maturity was noticeable. She was the youngest by far because many kids were either held back or put in late. So some kids were a full year and a half older than her! She was fine academically but socially she wasn't ready to start second grade with a bunch of 8 year olds while she was still 6.

She repeated 1st grade. It was hard because at that point she was bored stiff. There was no more playing. She sat in the back of the room with a book most of the year. But she was finally with girls who were her peers. Not towering over her as the "little girl" . Now she's in 6th grade and doing great. She's in all the highest classes and has a wonderful group of friends. I wish I had pushed harder for her to repeat Kindergarten so she could play another year but I don't regret it for a second.

amother

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:40 am

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

Is she from the youngest?

Right now she’s in the youngest month before the cutoff.

amother

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:41 am

rdmom wrote:

Can you tell me more about why it’s such a great decision?

amother

Ghostwhite

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:51 am

My daughter repeated kindergarten too. I got a lot of flack from family for doing it but it was a great decision.

My daughter was one of the youngest and was not doing well academically or socially. She was Intimidated by the kids. She is now an equal and doing very well bh. She’s actually already in high school.

It was a great decision and we haven’t regretted it at all.

amother

Natural

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right now she’s in the youngest month before the cutoff.

Then I would definitely leave back. What is the reason you don't want to hold her back?

Chayalle

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:57 am

Hi OP.
I repeated kindergarten.
(years later when my niece repeated Primary, I took her out for icecream, just the two of us. I told her I am President of the repeater's club....)

I think it was the best thing for me. I was a tiny kid (and the youngest, born close to the deadline at that time), and the kids in my class were bigger than me, and I felt scared of them sometimes. I remember sometimes crying in the morning not wanting to get on the schoolbus.

The school suggested putting my back, they said I was somewhat babyish....and I know that it upset my mother at first, and she did it more for lack of choice. But for me, I know it was the best thing. I remember being very happy about it.

In my case it wasn't for academic reasons, but I will tell you that being one of the oldest in my grade, I was also considered to be one of the smart kids in the class. I was ready to sit, ready to learn. I won various contests, etc...and it was all good for my confidence. I also did better socially because of it. Better than my sister who is brilliant and skippped a grade but struggled with friendships.....

I think schools have experience and don't randomly suggest leaving a kid back (I know this because years later when my DD struggled with Kriah, and was also a tiny kid, I asked Bais Faiga in Lakewood if I should consider repeating her, and they told me NO WAY she's doing fine, her struggles are normal, and they didn't see enough reason to do so. So schools don't just look for students to spend more time in their buildings....)

My niece also did beautifully having repeated the grade.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, May 13 2022, 8:58 am

" She was the youngest by far because many kids were either held back or put in late."

so this is my issue. Likely will be holding my daughter back in 3 year olds but can't help wondering if part of the issue is that the school has an early cut off ( I think it's end of september, I know in other places it's a lot later) plus people/school chooses to leave kids back/hold them back even if they technically make the cut off point so even if a child can handle the grade material they are in they are dealing socially with kids who are actually not meant to be in that grade but the grade above and so socially they struggle and then it becomes a vicious cycle because they are held back and become the "older" kids for the next grade.

my real hesitation is that I know from my older kids that my kids struggle socially in preschool and do better as they get older and are very strong academically but since she's the young for the class (second to youngest in the class and technically doesn't make the cutoff) we will probably leave her back because I do see how it might really be better for her self confidence and I guess we will have to deal later with the possibility of her being bored and larger then everyone else. My oldest is third to tallest and often very bored and she's not even the oldest. my next child skipped and is doing well because she has a very Out of the box small class.

amother

Papaya

Fri, May 13 2022, 9:03 am

If she's the youngest and the school suggested it, definitely do it. I did it with my daughter and had no regrets. They start learning so much so fast, if you could give her another year to mature it'll be easier for her.

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