Home

DD Being Left Back
Previous  1, 2, 3  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Snowflake
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 9:28 am
Unless a professional tells you otherwise you should do it. I had my daughter evaluated and was told not too. Although she was young she scored very high and we were told that she would be very bored and then start misbehaving. I think their complaint was that they needed to repeat directions as she was a little "spaced out".
Back to top

amother




Nemesia
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 9:32 am
Yes I WAS annoyed that I had to hold my daughter back because everyone else had, making my daughter the youngest by far. But it's not my job to fix societal issues. It's my job to do the best thing for my child. Period.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 10:17 am
Aside from being the youngest, why is the school suggesting you leave her back OP? I think those reasons should clue you in as to whether this is worth doing. I don't think age alone should be the deciding factor.
Back to top

amother




Thistle
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:35 pm
Just to give the other side here -

I am a November birthday, and was the youngest in my class, and was not left back.
I think it was the best thing. I had zero issues academically or socially and am so happy to have graduated at a young age.

If the school wants you to do it for academic reasons, then for sure, you don't want her to struggle. But for all the other people posting here. If your kid is bright and has friends there is no reason to leave them back. They will be ok. I don't know why it's becoming a thing to push kids back with earlier and earlier birthdays. There will always be some kids who are the youngest and they will be just fine!
Back to top

amother




Brass
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:53 pm
amother [ Valerian ] wrote:
Omg I had my son repeat 5s and it was the most amazing thing I could do for him. He went from being bullied on the bus and in Title 1 to being one of the tallest, biggest, smartest and most popular in the class. He went from not being able to read and write to literally finishing Harry Potter and writing a book (he’s 8 now). It’s a tremendous gift that you can give your child.

I packaged the repeat by saying that it was a government thing with UPK and the calendar and that since he’s a November baby he needs to go back again. He was totally fine and didn’t really care. Now he thinks it’s cool that his old friends who are a grade above come talk to him and play with him - helps him show off to his current class that the big boys like him.


I’m so glad I’m reading this. The school just told me my son has to repeat kindergarten and I am devastated. I cried for a long time, for myself and my son. I am petrified for his future, because he is going to be the oldest oldest in the class and I don’t want him to feel stupid for being left back and have low esteem. I’m also embarrassed Sad he has a few cousins who are all the same age and I’m so embarrassed that he’s going to be the only one in the lower grade. It’s really hard for me to accept this so my only comfort is that this is what’s best for my child
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:59 pm
amother [ Thistle ] wrote:
Just to give the other side here -

I am a November birthday, and was the youngest in my class, and was not left back.
I think it was the best thing. I had zero issues academically or socially and am so happy to have graduated at a young age.

If the school wants you to do it for academic reasons, then for sure, you don't want her to struggle. But for all the other people posting here. If your kid is bright and has friends there is no reason to leave them back. They will be ok. I don't know why it's becoming a thing to push kids back with earlier and earlier birthdays. There will always be some kids who are the youngest and they will be just fine!


I don't think academics are the only reason to repeat a grade, but neither is being young a good enough reason.

As I posted earlier on this thread, I repeated kingergarten for non-academic reasons (FTR I was already reading Hebrew, new my ABC's and numbers, etc...) and I think putting me back was very good for me.

As you point out, having friends is also very important, as well as how your child feels in his/her grade. I would ask the school why they think this is an idea, hear their feedback and evaluate it. (Having the chid evaluated professionally might also be a good idea).
Back to top

amother




Tuberose
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:59 pm
My son was one of the oldest and needed to repeat a year. He was coming from a lot of OT and speech and I kept him in his program for another year and then he went to Pre1a. So he's a few months older than the other oldest kid. Its totally fine. The principal told us that its all in how you say it. He's so cool cuz he's the oldest. That's all. Not smarter, not better, not anything else. Just the basic truth. He's the oldest. Thats cool! And he will be the first bar mitzvah. So what? Your kid is the oldest? Its totally fine. Its cool! My son is not at all embarrassed about it. And because he thinks its cool, the other kids take their cue from him.
Back to top

amother




Oatmeal
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:59 pm
I skipped a grade and really really wish I hadn’t. I was academically ready, but not emotionally ready. I had trauma from the death of a parent and was way behind my peers socially and emotionally as a result. I was miserable, but didn’t recognize why until I was an adult.

OP if your child needs more time then that’s more than just OK, it’s the right thing to do for her long-term growth.
Back to top

amother




Brunette
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 1:06 pm
my parents shouldve done it for me but back then there were no cut offs..I was born in January. I struggled academically and socially, I definitely needed another year.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 1:22 pm
I’ve had another Morah evaluate her academically and an OT. Everyone agrees that she’s right on the fence, her academics are overall ok maybe a little behind and a little immature but very strong socially and good behavior. It’s so hard for me because I really think she would be ok I wish they would give her the chance.

Another thing is she’s young but not tiny I don’t want her to feel self conscious about being older and bigger.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 2:29 pm
If she was just in kindergarten, you have time to re-evaluate at the end of next year.
Back to top

amother




Beige
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 3:17 pm
So the school was pushing my kid to repeat preschool. Academically was fine- knew ABCs, Aleph bet, could answer older siblings Parsha, and was figuring out how to read a little. My kid was a little immature.
We decided to get my kid assessed by a professional- educational psychologist. Who said do not hold back. There is no reason to and holding back wont help. My kid was diagnosed with mild ADHD but nothing else. Said holding back will just hurt emotionally with no benefits.
Ends up the school wanted "an easy child" to work with and didnt want to work with us. They also decided to hold my kid back because they had accepted a few kids (some were teachers kids so despite that they didnt send to the preschool they wanted to accept. The point of the preschool is that your kid has a slot in the elementary but of course teachers can get all sorts of exceptions made for them even if it hurts other kids in the process....) and they didnt want the class to be too large. I realized what was going on and questioned them. My kid ended up in their correct grade. If the class was smaller my kid would have done a lot better this year. It is too large but I didnt know how big they were making it. But that is the school's fault.

Now my kid still has ADHD and is still academically on par. Can read etc. Yes, my kid has some related issues but that would be no matter what grade and we are working on it. Having another year of preschool wouldnt help. (And my kid isnt the youngest... is close to end of year but not close enough to hold back for that.)
Back to top

amother




Poppy
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 3:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I’ve had another Morah evaluate her academically and an OT. Everyone agrees that she’s right on the fence, her academics are overall ok maybe a little behind and a little immature but very strong socially and good behavior. It’s so hard for me because I really think she would be ok I wish they would give her the chance.

Another thing is she’s young but not tiny I don’t want her to feel self conscious about being older and bigger.


If she’s doing well socially, academically, and behaviorally, there’s absolutely no reason to leave her behind. If they don’t want kids with her birthday in her grade, they shouldn’t have accepted her into that grade in the first place. I would push back and keep her with her friends and peers.

Signed,

A school psychologist
Back to top

amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 3:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Can you tell me more about why it’s such a great decision?


I didn’t do it and every year I have teachers call me and tell me she can’t keep up. She is one of the youngest and homework takes us hours and it’s torture for all of us. She has a hard time making friends.

HOLD HER BACK. I wish I had.
Back to top

amother




Phlox
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:06 pm
When I was a kid I was really struggling to keep up in school.

My principal suggested that my parents keep me back… however I was already in elementary school at that point and my parents wanted to protect my self esteem and didn’t leave me back …

I do not blame them or resent them- I know they had my best interest in mind but it was a huge mistake! I struggled straight through 12th grade and I am sure that I would have been way more successful in school had I had that extra year to catch up

(Important to note I was a December baby and one of the youngest in my class )

As a preschool teacher now- if I really feel a child would benefit from an extra year of nursery , I share this personal story
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 15 2022, 4:42 pm
amother [ Poppy ] wrote:
If she’s doing well socially, academically, and behaviorally, there’s absolutely no reason to leave her behind. If they don’t want kids with her birthday in her grade, they shouldn’t have accepted her into that grade in the first place. I would push back and keep her with her friends and peers.

Signed,

A school psychologist


Right those are exactly my thoughts. It kills me that other kids with her birth month get to go ahead but not her. If she is after the cutoff it’s a different story. But the school isn’t budging. Is it worth it for me to try to get her into a different school over this issue even though it’s obviously very late?
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 15 2022, 4:43 pm
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
So the school was pushing my kid to repeat preschool. Academically was fine- knew ABCs, Aleph bet, could answer older siblings Parsha, and was figuring out how to read a little. My kid was a little immature.
We decided to get my kid assessed by a professional- educational psychologist. Who said do not hold back. There is no reason to and holding back wont help. My kid was diagnosed with mild ADHD but nothing else. Said holding back will just hurt emotionally with no benefits.
Ends up the school wanted "an easy child" to work with and didnt want to work with us. They also decided to hold my kid back because they had accepted a few kids (some were teachers kids so despite that they didnt send to the preschool they wanted to accept. The point of the preschool is that your kid has a slot in the elementary but of course teachers can get all sorts of exceptions made for them even if it hurts other kids in the process....) and they didnt want the class to be too large. I realized what was going on and questioned them. My kid ended up in their correct grade. If the class was smaller my kid would have done a lot better this year. It is too large but I didnt know how big they were making it. But that is the school's fault.

Now my kid still has ADHD and is still academically on par. Can read etc. Yes, my kid has some related issues but that would be no matter what grade and we are working on it. Having another year of preschool wouldnt help. (And my kid isnt the youngest... is close to end of year but not close enough to hold back for that.)


I really relate to your story I wish my school would work with me.
Back to top

amother




Beige
 

Post Sun, May 15 2022, 5:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I really relate to your story I wish my school would work with me.


Oh I wish the school would work with me too! We had to fight. Pay for an evaluation. Pay for the educational psychologist to send a full report to the school, talk to the school.... who in their expertise clearly said dont hold back and ADHD alone isnt a reason to hold back.

And when I caught them that they were trying to hold my kid back because they had already accepted some teachers kids.... yeah they werent happy being caught in that mess.
Back to top

amother




Sienna
 

Post Sun, May 15 2022, 5:20 pm
Where I live, it's very common to leave back kids who are in the last couple of months before the cutoff.
Some by choice and some because the school recommends it.
It's very normal at the preschool level, and people aren't crying about it.
I have spoken to many many people about this and none of them regretted leaving back, but many regretted not leaving back.
It's usually for maturity reasons, not academic. In most cases.
Most kids do really well with it.
My child repeated this year and did amazing bh. I never shed a single tear about it or worried about his future. It's a normal and common thing. He was advanced academically but somewhat immature and the extra year did wonders for him.
Hatzlacha!
Back to top

amother




Grape
 

Post Sun, May 15 2022, 5:42 pm
I skipped a grade and it was the best thing for me. My mother originally asked the school if I could move ahead (start in pre1A instead of kindergarten) as I was born at the beginning of the year and was academically advanced and they refused. I was moved up a few years later when my teacher told my principals that she felt I would do better in the grade ahead. The school was very hesitant to do so and warned my parents it would be a very hard adjustment and I would need lots of help. It turned out I was completely fine and was academically at the top of my class in my new grade as well. I also did just as well socially in my new class. I think it is important to weigh each case individually- it’s not always a bad thing to be the youngest and holding back is not always the right choice. I’m not sure if it was mentioned, but the possibility of a child being bored because they are too advanced for the grade level is also harmful.
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 2 of 3 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Tethered cord-line and dimple lower back, mri
by amother
16 Thu, May 19 2022, 10:25 pm View last post
Thinking of going back to school, am I being realistic?
by flory42
4 Wed, May 18 2022, 9:26 am View last post
Help with getting back into writing mode after ...
by amother
6 Wed, May 18 2022, 6:56 am View last post
School Left DD Outside in the Cold
by amother
36 Wed, May 11 2022, 7:33 pm View last post
I left the eggs out all night
by amother
10 Fri, May 06 2022, 2:14 pm View last post