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This really bothers me

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:46 pm
I have several friends that are very well off. They own beautiful homes, own summer houses, brand name clothing, and travel regularly. (Parents and family are loaded with money).

Here and there, I get letters in the mail, or links to organizations, they want me to donate, to reach their goal...

It bothers me so much. They are good friends, I would love to give to everyone, but what do they expect from me? I live in a cheap rental, wear old stuff, and have never had a cleaning lady in my house. Whatever dollar I have, I use towards my kids' needs.

It's very nice that they join organizations and try to help raise money. But why at the expense of simple people like me? I can't give less than $5 and even that is a struggle for me.

(I get them almost every few weeks. These are close, good friends)
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amother




Winterberry
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 12:48 pm
They send to their whole mailing list. It's usually not personal and they don't expect people who can't give to give. If you can't or don't want to just ignore, don't worry about it.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 2:10 pm
It's a distribution list on which they list everyone they know. You're under zero obligation to give or even to reply. Feel free to ignore and delete or discard. You're also free to politely ask them to take you off any fundraising mailing lists they're involved with. Not that they will but it's worth a try. Simply say regretfully that you have already earmarked all your annual contributions for other causes and wish them success.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 2:12 pm
Yeah why are you taking this so personally? It’s spam.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 2:32 pm
No, it's directly from friends I am good with. With a handwritten, personal note addressed to my name.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 3:39 pm
They're just collecting, you don't have to give. They're trying to reach a goal so they ask everyone and anyone they know as personally as they can. I wouldn't get worked up over it, just ignore and move on.
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amother




Starflower
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No, it's directly from friends I am good with. With a handwritten, personal note addressed to my name.


Still
They are just trying to make it more personal because everyone gets endless amounts of these things. Really dont worry!!!
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amother




Starflower
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:12 pm
Also organizations and schools target the rich and popular people to help them get involved and fundraise. Lots of rich people have rich friends and if they are able to give ti a cause their friend is collecting for great. If not no one cares and its fine too. Do not feel any pressure. And some people do have masser money that they have to give and when they get this they may use it as an opportunity.
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amother




Lightblue
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:14 pm
I get how you feel.
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amother




Crocus
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:19 pm
People don’t think.
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BrachaVHatzlocha




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 13 2022, 4:33 pm
They probably don't know your personal finances.
If you're able to give maaser, then it's nice to use some for them. If not, not
I am not well off, but when I get these messages, sometimes I give $10-18 because I am able to bh. My friends know I am not well off and either don't expect or realize it won't be a big donation
Don't worry or think too much into it.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 6:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No, it's directly from friends I am good with. With a handwritten, personal note addressed to my name.

It’s not a personal letter. It’s a form letter written with mail merge so it appears to be sent just for you. They provide the names and addresses to the organizations, the orgs then format the letters to appear as if they came from the friend who provided the names. The letters are not handwritten, it’s a font. These letters are sent to dozens or hundreds or people. Ignore and toss.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 8:17 pm
watergirl wrote:
It’s not a personal letter. It’s a form letter written with mail merge so it appears to be sent just for you. They provide the names and addresses to the organizations, the orgs then format the letters to appear as if they came from the friend who provided the names. The letters are not handwritten, it’s a font. These letters are sent to dozens or hundreds or people. Ignore and toss.


I am talking about typed up letters from
the organization, but my friends added their handwritten words. I even recognize their handwriting.
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amother




Natural
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 8:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am talking about typed up letters from
the organization, but my friends added their handwritten words. I even recognize their handwriting.


The organization asks them to do that. You're still not obligated. If it's a cause you want to support, great. If not, just throw the letter out and remember to congratulate your friend on the honor.
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polka dots




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 8:34 pm
Probably they are not thinking.
I totally get why it bothers you...
Just thinking here, maybe they feel that you would feel left out if they wouldn't send you. Like if you would meet group of friends by simcha and one would say oh I Chani, I got your letter, I totally forgot to quickpay you, let me do it right now... and then Shevi said, oh Baila, you are always collecting for others, you're so special... and you might feel left out, what are you all talking about.... so she sends it to all friends and they should give if they feel up to it... Like I don't send wedding invitation only to those who I know can make it. I know it's different, I'm just trying to help you be dan lcaf zchus, although I get why it bothers you.
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observer




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 9:11 pm
They send it out to all their friends. No obligation to give and I'm sure your friends aren't going through the list to see who didn't give.
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amother




Kiwi
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 9:15 pm
A lot of people even if they’re struggling may have maser that they can choose to give.
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amother




Strawberry
 

Post Sat, May 14 2022, 9:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am talking about typed up letters from
the organization, but my friends added their handwritten words. I even recognize their handwriting.


It’s photocopied or stamped on to appear written.
Did your friend write your name in their handwriting?
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