Neat house | Imamother

gold2

Tue, May 17 2022, 9:11 am

cupcake123 wrote:

My house is always clean and I have no cleaning help. Me and my DH are constantly cleaning. It's more my DH that is perfectionist and I learned and became like that. Now I cant stop cleaning/organizing.
Tips
❤Clean up before the mess gets bigger. Dont push it off. Just do it.
❤Incentivize YOURSELF to clean. Ex buy expensive cleaning products roomba, a steam mop, I personally use disposable toilet cleaners I just find it easier and less messy. or a different incentive structure: after I'm done the kitchen I'm buying myself lunch/coffee/going on imamother or wtvr. Whenever I feel bad about the money I just think all this is cheaper then a cleaning lady
❤get rid of stuff! Stuff you dont use or wear....
❤ start section by section and make sure everything has a place. If everything's organized you'll be more incentivized to keep it that way

Good luck OP!

What is a disposable toilet cleaner?

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, May 17 2022, 9:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I feel so validated lol

I don't have add or anything like that

im just not strict. I want my kids to be kids. but I do try and teach them to clean up so they have that in them as they grow up. and I want them to see what a healthy clean home looks like. not a museum house.

I just feel like on sundays I am constantly picking up and putting away... if someone where to show up at my door, yes I would let them in, it would not be my finest moment.

the house I was by yesterday looked healthy. not like a museum where nothing was out. but it was clean and neat. the bedrooms were all neat and clean, beds made. the living room, dining room and hallway had nothing on the floors!

yes they have a playroom which I didn't see, and very possibly have toys on the floor. but thats normal!

she does have cleaning help, but not over the weekend! even with cleaning help my house still is a mess by the next day!

You say you aren't strict. Until you successfully implement that your kids need to do some basic things (like throwing things in the garbage) you simply have to be strict. It's called setting rules and keeping them. All kids need rules. Adults too.

amother

Mayflower

Tue, May 17 2022, 10:29 am

I see a few posters wrote that the only way it stays clean is that they clean all day.

Firstly, some people have very difficult children who are high maintenance, and can't just spend the time cleaning.

Some people intentionally choose to sit with the kids and play and let the dishes and sweeping wait till the kids go to sleep.

Some have young ones who need full time care or the mess will be waay bigger.

It depends on your circumstances. Not everyone is in a position to be able to clean all day, and even if they were, some are intentionally choosing to spend time with their children over cleaning all day.

Not a bad thing imho.

(The one thing I do see about homes that are generally neater is that they have much less "stuff").

amother

Mayflower

Tue, May 17 2022, 10:39 am

zaq wrote:

In which case they are probably not complaining about the mess or wondering how other people manage, and this thread is not for them or about them.

Maybe, but to some it is more of a given to be with the kids and they're not realizing that the clean house comes at the expense of doing that. It took me some time to realize that myself.

amother

Tue, May 17 2022, 10:46 am

I am both ways. I spend lots of time with my kids, but I know I need to keep on top of things or itll be a disaster! but I guess I was just wondering how other moms look like they spend time with their kids, but the house still looks normal (not muesum like, just normal!). do their kids just keep things in order and were trained that way? my kids are all over the place and at all times! they are having fun and I dont contain them to just one room. we have a playroom but sometimes they want to play in the living room or one of the hallways. liming them to the playroom would just put a damper on their creative play. I don't want that.

I think one of the answers is I really really really need to get rid of stuff. help! I know, go through one room at a time and just get rid of stuff. easier said than done!

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, May 17 2022, 10:57 am

amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:

I really hope my boys will continue doing so once they are married...

they probably will, assuming their wives allow them to. Some women get very possessive of the role of chief housekeeper and consciously or unconsciously discourage their husbands from doing their part by finding fault with the way they do things, and/or try to prove their Balabosteh status by doing everything and leaving nothing for dh to do. This can be out of competitive spirit "I have to show I'm the best balabosteh on the block" or out of love, especially if their love language is acts of service. "Let me show dh how much I love him, I'll clean the whole house so he doesn't have to do anything." As long as your future dils don't make these mistake, your dss will stay on the path.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, they were trained that way. All of them.
The playroom is called playroom for a reason. If you are fine with your kids being all over the place at all times and playing in any place they want you do full time help 24/7 IMHO.
Could you please explain what "putting a damper on their creative play" means?

amother

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:07 am

meaning, when they sit in the hallways they pretend to be on a school bus, and set up chairs like that.. aside from being able to more easily drag chairs to the hallway (as opposed to the playroom which is not near any chairs) its also narrow, gives off more of a school bus vibe (does that make sense!?). its a change of scenery that gives the kids creative ideas of things to play. the couch setup in the living room allows them to make tents more easily... these are just examples. but I see when they move to a different room the play different.. instead of being "stuck" only in the playroom (its a nice big friendly playroom, so thats not the issue)

I don't know if im explaining it properly.

amother

Apricot

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:11 am

This all depends on so much..

1- Ages of kids
2- Amount of kids
3- Nature of the mom- is she a natural hoarder? Does she thrive on being neat?
4- does the husband help out in keeping a neat home or does he contribute to the mess without taking responsibility?
5- is there regular cleaning help?
6- are the children helpful with cleaning up?

There are so many dynamics in every household. We are not all created the same and we all are living very different lives.

Also, some people are living in small apartments while others are living in large homes.
Some people are complaining that their kids are making a mess all Sunday but that’s really overwhelming if the parents didn’t clean up from shabbos by Sunday afternoon…

There’s no right or wrong. It’s just a matter of figuring out what makes the most sense for you and your family.

amother

Wheat

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:11 am

Totally with you OP. I wish I could be one of those people. It’s so embarrassing when someone knocks on my door unexpected. They will almost always find a messy house. We have a lot of stuff and while we periodically declutter there’s always more. My DH likes to collect and sell stuff like comics, cards, etc. and we’re always getting packages (a lot of it is what he sells). so there’s always that stuff plus all the gear he needs to package all this stuff. Mind you this is not our income. It’s just a hobby for him that maybe generates a small amount. We recently went through our playroom and got rid of tons of stuff that are just odds and ends. Puzzles with missing pieces (which is all of them lol). There’s just too much stuff! Our baby gets into everything so that’s a constant mess as not everything is childproofable. We have 2 kids and even with just them the laundry seems NON STOP. I don’t know how people keep up with all this!! We do have cleaning help bH 3 hrs a week in the middle of the week. We use mostly disposables during the week but there are still lots/pans, containers etc. I work full time and have to wake up very early. I come home exhausted and have no energy to clean. Bh my DH has taken on the role as primary housekeeper but even though he’s great it’s still not enough. I can’t figure out how to ever make a drastic change unless we’ll ever be able to afford daily cleaning help.

zaq

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think one of the answers is I really really really need to get rid of stuff. help! I know, go through one room at a time and just get rid of stuff. easier said than done!

Start with the kids' toys. You know full well there are toys they use all the time and toys that are almost never used and are scattered around only because they're in the same bin as the things they want. Get yourself a bunch of cartons. Select maybe 1 toy in 5-10 (depending on how many toys they have) that you know they use often. Box up the rest and put in a closet or other "remote" area.

Rotate the toys every so often so that at any given time they have access to only 10-20% of the toys you own; or bring out a stored toy only if a child specifically asks for that exact toy, and in exchange remove and store another toy (one in/one out method); or (best of all), give away any toy that has not been asked for in a certain time period, say 3-6 months.

Many toys are essentially the same thing in different form. Kids don't need Magnatiles AND Clicks AND Legos AND blocks AND Knex. Previous generations made do with just wooden blocks or Tinkertoys and still managed to produce superb engineers and architects.

It should go without saying that you institute a one in/one out rule when they are given new toys as a gift. As in GIVE AWAY, not just put in storage.

use the same method of hide-and-purge for everything else from clothes to kitchen utensils.
Use seichel here: some things you need to keep around even if you haven't used them in a year or more. Fever thermometers, fire extinguishers and toilet plungers come to mind.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You explained it very well.
Do you insist they need to put back chairs and tent making items once they are finished? Or it's you doing the putting away thing?

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not a problem if you see to it that the kids put the chairs back in their assigned places before they move on to a different activity. No one coming into your house would consider it messy if they saw children sitting in chairs in the hall and playing school bus. It's not the same as coming in to find the hall full of scattered chairs and your children off doing something else.

If you valued neatness more, there's no reason why you couldn't make the LR or hall off limits to the kids. It wouldn't kill them to drag chairs to the playroom (think if it as weight-bearing exercise). their imaginations can stretch even further to create a more bus-like atmosphere or make a tent there, too. Everything in life is a trade-off and you decide what's more important to you. If neatness is your priority, you make the kids play in the playroom or you do whatever it takes to make them clean up after themselves. (Or you do the cleanup yourself, but that's not advisable.) If you value their freedom of expression more, you let them play wherever and you don't gripe about the mess. You can't have it both ways.

Presumably you also have imagination. use it. If they're already playing "school bus" they can also play "school custodian" and put the chairs back where they belong after the school bus arrives at its destination.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, May 17 2022, 11:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's great when kids are creative. But using household furniture for play, and dragging them around the house, is a bit much. Perhaps once in a while, it's fine. But if you train your kids to play in your playroom, then at least the toys etc. is contained in one area, and not all over the place.

My rule of thumb is, and my kids know it: The entry of the house must look presentable at all times. Nobody can leave things around, like shoes, briefcases, toys, coats, etc. The line of vision from the front door all the way in, has to be perfect. If there is a mess in the kitchen or in the playroom, at least it's not visible if someone comes to the door.

Closet doors can have hinges that make the doors close automatically, so if your closets aren't perfect, at least the doors close automatically after opening, and the mess there isn't visible.

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, May 17 2022, 1:27 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

The entry of the house must look presentable at all times. Nobody can leave things around, like shoes, briefcases, toys, coats, etc. The line of vision from the front door all the way in, has to be perfect. If there is a mess in the kitchen or in the playroom, at least it's not visible if someone comes to the door.

I did something like this and included the LR which is also visible right from the entrance. The kids were allowed to play in the entry hall as our apt is small and the hall relatively spacious, but they weren't allowed to leave toys and whatnot lying around. We didn't have the luxury of a dedicated playroom. If we had, they wouldn't have been given the run of the hall.

amother

Quince

Wed, May 18 2022, 3:50 am

amother [ Mayflower ] wrote:

Okay, so then that is why you cannot clean all day. You want to know why it is not clean because those moms can't be cleaning all day and that is OKAY.

We are discussing how to keep the home clean. We are not discussing whose fault it is if it is messy.

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:30 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Closet doors can have hinges that make the doors close automatically, so if your closets aren't perfect, at least the doors close automatically after opening, and the mess there isn't visible.

Our building is very very old and has settled over the years, so parts of it are like a fun house. There isn't a single room door that stays open all the way. They all slowly swing halfway or most of the way closed. Closet doors, strangely enough, don't stay closed. They all pop open eventually except the ones that pop open immediately.