Please help me have more patience

amother

Whitesmoke

Mon, May 16 2022, 9:52 am

following!!! I need tips on how to have patience and deal with kids silliness by bedtime. I loose myself when they act up and get really silly and imitating me.

amother

Mintgreen

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:10 am

First lock yourself in your room with a hot chamomile tea (and chocolate!) . Give yourself 5 minutes to breath and love yourself. Before you go out remind yourself no matter what I will keep calm.
Each kvetch and whine is your child asking for love and testing your boundaries. Be extremely clear about what you expect of them and stick to it. Keep repeating yourself calmly DON'T SCREAM OR MAKE IT PERSONAL! (you're making me crazy etc are big no nos!) Balance that with alot of love and care bit NOT SUPERFICIAL. Say real things that you mean that are true. Don't say things nice just to say things, kids know the difference and react as such. Find it in you to say something genuine. Also speak to them while making eye contact. Yelling 'get into pjs' to a few children just won't work. Approach each child separately and make eye contact and calmly tell them what you expect.

mushkamothers

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:14 am

When im super low patience I find it's 99% bc 1. I'm not eating or sleeping 2. I'm irritable and unsatisfied and unfulfilled 3. I'm in a fight with dh (this ones rare bh! Haha)
So it all just comes down to taking care of yourself first. Tell yourself that "your kids need you to take care of them"

mushkamothers

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:15 am

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

following!!! I need tips on how to have patience and deal with kids silliness by bedtime. I loose myself when they act up and get really silly and imitating me.

This is normal and healthy! They are approaching separation. And if you get silly and playful with them then it will actually go smoother.

amother

Mintgreen

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:18 am

You mentioned they imitate you. I see that in children when parents are out of touch somewhat with reality. Say random things that are above their capabilities to understand or emotionally or spiritually above their level. I don't know you but in general the more practical, and down to earth and real a parent is, the less the children will imitate or show outright disrespect to. Even caring too much about the 'joneses' can create disrespect in children when they don't understand what motivated your reactions. For example, if you tell your children we are taking professional pictures I'd like you to stay clean. That makes sense to them. But if you say I'm not sure if this summer polo is the style everyone is wearing let me ask my friends, that just makes no sense to a child and can cause disrespect. (If you really must don't tell them and do it without them knowing your insecurities)

amother

Papayawhip

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:27 am

Someone on this site gave a tip to sing everything instead of saying it. I do it now and it's so helpful! I just sing throughout the entire bedtime routine.
I just make up songs the whole time - It's time to put our pants on pants pants on it's time to put are pants on so we could go to sleep and things like that. Makes me so much calmer.

mha3484

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:31 am

Reading the explosive child helped me so much. Once I internalized the ideas that kids do well when they can and that if my kid is giving me a hard time they are having an even harder time themselves helped me so much to be more empathetic and patient. I am not the worlds most naturally empathetic person. This booked helped me a lot.

healthymom1

Mon, May 16 2022, 10:56 am

For me, at the end of the day what works best is I keep each kid home from school/Morah and spend 1 day of quality time with them. 1 at a time. I feel it helps our bond, and we are better to each other. I do this about 2-3 times a year with each.

I see them for themselves. I have the time and patience during the day to give to that one child ans it carried through for a while after

sushilover

Mon, May 16 2022, 11:10 am

Daily meditation and then I visualize common triggers and how I want to react.

Takes only 5-15 minutes a day but it changed my life.

amother

Olive

Mon, May 16 2022, 8:18 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

Amother papayawhip thank you so much for posting this! I tried it tonight and I did not yell once! My kids had so much fun!