My 3 year old threw a milkshake at me today

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:39 pm

creditcards wrote:

To me it sounds like typical ADHD behavior. Very impulsive. Acts before he thinks. I don't believe in consequences for such kids because they act before they can even think and consequences wouldn't help. Kids with ADHD have a very hard time regulating their emotions. Many times they need an outsider to help them regulate their emotions and then they can think more clearly. Don't expect a child that's dysregulated to be able to think before they act and to make rational decisions. You need to help him calm down by validating his feelings and discussing that he is upset and what made him upset. After the kid is calm you can try to teach the kid what proper behavior is.

I've suspected this before. I do discuss it with him his behavior just seems to find new extremes. It's frustrating to go through that process pretty much daily.

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:42 pm

Goldie613 wrote:

"Seeks out danger" as in he does dangerous things, knowing they're wrong, because he wants your reaction, or does he not seem to understand that they are dangerous, even though other kids that age do get it?

We've told him many times not to run into the street. His siblings got it pretty quickly. He walks slowly into the street with a giggle to get me upset. Or he threw a woodblock and I pick him up to tell him that's dangerous and then he tries to bite me or lick me.

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:56 pm

imaima wrote:

I think you are blowing everything out of proportion.
Yes it is dangerous and annoying and has to be dealt with. Now is the prime time to deal with it because now these things happen.
He will not „outgrow“ them if you give up now because of his genes. Now is the prime time to give him your full attention.
Ich hat did you do when he bared his bottom?

I'm not "giving up" by trying to get to the reason for his behavior. Why are you even assuming that?
As for his privates, I left the room and had his father deal with him.

amother

Natural

Thu, May 19 2022, 1:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Btw the biting and licking he does with a giggle too. The point though is, what do I need to do? Has anyone had success overcoming such behavior?

You seem to be stuck in a negative pattern with him. I would ignore much of the misbehavior and catch him being good. Make a big deal out of his normal appropriate behavior.
If you react when he's behaving inappropriately then you're teaching him that he has the power in the relationship. He can push your buttons and get instant results. Which he finds very entertaining and motivating to do it again.
Kids love usurping our power if they can so that they can do and get whatever they want. You need to take back that power by not making a big deal out of misbehavior and then get very excited and generous (compliments, treats, prizes) when he behaves appropriately. At first he will try his best to get you to react so the inappropriate behaviors will increase. It's up to you to break this pattern and show him that it is more worth it for him to behave appropriately. He gets attention when he does instead of when he doesn't.

Can you also please read up (Google? Parenting book?) on child development so that you can know what is normal for a 3 yr old? There is no reason to get upset or predict a dark future for a 3 yr old who is acting like all the other 3 yr olds around the world.

I know it is very difficult to be constantly running after or guarding a child 24/7 from his next antics. But he's only 3. 3 yr olds are babies. Just like we don't react when a young toddler soils his diaper because that's expected, it is also expected that a 3 yr old will be mischievous and impulsive. They will climb in dangerous places, strip naked, hit kick punch bite and lick you and everything in sight, throw whopper tantrums, throw food, and more. Nothing about these behaviors point to mental illness, family history, or predict his future. They tell us his age and that's about it.

You are the adult in the situation. What will you do about it? I hope you'll take back the reins by teaching him that good behavior is more worth it for him. Be proactive rather than reactive. Stay calm no matter what he does or says. Show him that you are adult enough to handle whatever it is he thinks up next. Children feel secure when they feel that the adult in their life can contain them- all the different parts of them.

BrisketBoss

Thu, May 19 2022, 4:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The giggling you mention is not comfortable, happy giggling and is not about making you upset. He feels a little out of control. He knows he's not supposed to go into the street, or whatever the thing is, but he finds himself doing it anyway. The boundary is not a firm boundary in his head. He'll get there but for now it's up to you to make sure he stops doing or cannot do these things. If he walks into the street, he cannot be near the street unless he is restrained somehow. Calmly explain that you won't let him do the unacceptable thing and where appropriate, let him know what actions you are taking to stop him and why.

Also, my first comment.

amother

Currant

Thu, May 19 2022, 5:34 am

creditcards wrote:

And then there's the ADHD kids who never learn until they bear the consequences. You can teach till you're blue in the face but they won't absorb it until they actually see the consequences. If my son was continuously stepping into the street, the only way for me to stop such behavior was to inform him that if he does that we'd go right home, and I would do just that. I would have explained to him earlier that stepping into the street is a very dangerous act, and I can't be out on the street with anyone who can't follow safety rules. And then when he steps into the street, I'd turn right around and go back home.

Every child is different. OP needs to explore what works for her son, and stick to that.

creditcards

Thu, May 19 2022, 5:52 am

OP,

Don't pay attention to all those who are telling you this is regular 3 year old behavior. It's not! I can tell from your posts that you are an amazing mommy with lots of patience. The most important thing your child needs now is love and attention. Don't worry about how he will be as an adult. He will IY"H turn out ok. Just focus on giving him a healthy, happy childhood. I would recommend hiring a mother's helper to help you in the most busiest times of the day so you have more energy to deal calmly with him. You might want to evaluate him to see if he qualifies for therapy.

amother

Buttercup

Thu, May 19 2022, 6:04 am

creditcards wrote:

This-
I would do a sensory eval. Sounds like he needs SI

amother

Eggplant

Thu, May 19 2022, 6:09 am

creditcards wrote:

I second this!

taketwo

Thu, May 19 2022, 6:17 am

Op, you need to stop comparing him to your other children, and to your husband as a child.

He is his own entity. By constantly comparing him you are setting yourself with negative undercurrents. Focus on what you as a parent can do, and what you expect of him appropriately. I'm not convinced your expectations are currently age appropriate. You need to learn about parenting, and/or get one on one help on your parenting.

You also need to quit worrying about the future him. You need to focus on the moment. He will not be throwing milkshakes as an adult. Don't worry.

Also, keep in mind, him looking for a reaction is actually him looking for a connection with you. You need to smother him with love before he gets up to any of his abtics. Prevention is the best solution. When he wakes up in the morning give him a huge smile and a welcoming good morning hug.

When he does act not okay, don't react with any energy. Simply say, we don't do that, and gently, but firmly remove him from whatever he is doing.

amother

Ecru

Thu, May 19 2022, 6:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I guess we have different definitions of discipline then. I have told him no since he was a baby and taken things away when necessary, but I only started timeouts at 2.

Timeouts never work for my child.
And from what I learned, it just makes them feel isolated and bad and doesn't effectively teach him to behave, it just teaches him to suppress whatever is going on.

Natural consequences do a lot better.

keym

Thu, May 19 2022, 6:25 am

I don't think this behavior is "ok" but it's still "typical".
Meaning 3 year olds push boundaries. They are intense and needy. They scream and yell and create chaos and throw and hit and lick as a way to protest the boundary placed. That's what 3 year olds do.
We, as parents, need to be proactive, not reactive. Establish the boundaries and maintain them. Not with punishing and anger but mild realism.
The best parenting advice I ever got is this "Parent your child TODAY. Not from tomorrow and not from yesterday"

amother

Bellflower

Thu, May 19 2022, 8:16 am

SOME of these behaviors are typical 3 year old behaviors but others definitely NOT. For example I can see a typical 3 year old crying they weren't first and getting upset, but running in the street is not. For that I would pick up the child and bring them in the house and say no going into the street. Then next time before going outside I would say we don't run into the street ok?
If the 3 year old is still doing such behaviors after they see how dangerous you think it is, that is NOT typical behavior. For a 1 year old that's typical.

For the milkshake throwing, I would try to be gentler, more affectionate. Sit them down and tell them next time they can go first but they need to ask nicely when they want something. Maybe ask the kid to pick up the cup or put it in the garbage depending on the kids mood. Only once the kid is already calm. Give kid a hug after.

To me it all seems one thing but I don't know you or the whole picture. It does seem like he knows he's not supposed to go in the street, climb on top of a few chairs, throw woodblocks. It sounds like he's doing all of this on purpose to make trouble. If this is the case then maybe he's just frustrated at something. Not enough attention from you? Not doing well in school? ....