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I can't handle when my kids have competing needs

 
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amother




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Post Wed, May 18 2022, 11:02 pm
It is my biggest stressor. I shut down when I have to choose which kid's need gets met. I'm not talking about situations when I can just let two kids who are fighting deal with it themselves. It's more situations when I have two kids who need me for opposite things at the same time, or a kid who desperately needs an activity that only I can take them to and really needs the support of my being there, but another kid needs me to be at home with them.

I have two kids who both need types of therapies. The only openings available with the right therapists overlap, and they're in different towns. I have to pick one (no, dh isn't able to do one, and there's no other way.) How do people do this? What do you do when your unfocused kid finally sits down to work in a groove and asks you to help and test them, and your other teen comes in just then to tell you about their problem that you've been trying to help them feel comfortable talking to you about for weeks? You know that if you leave the studying kid, that's probably it for them, and is bad for their initiative, and if you don't go to the teen, they may not come back to talk. I hate this.
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amother




Almond
 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 11:05 pm
It's really hard when they both need you and they're both important. This happens a lot. And you always need to make the tough choice of who needs it more even though they're both priorities. Appointment scheduling is very tough as well if you have limited time slots. It's hard to juggle but you need to figure out which of the two important needs come first
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 11:09 pm
I probably get an award for being the worst mother in ability to juggle competing need.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 7:26 am
amother [ Almond ] wrote:
It's really hard when they both need you and they're both important. This happens a lot. And you always need to make the tough choice of who needs it more even though they're both priorities. Appointment scheduling is very tough as well if you have limited time slots. It's hard to juggle but you need to figure out which of the two important needs come first


That's the thing- I don't trust myself to make the right judgements and decisions. I genuinely don't know. Often, I'll try to discuss the issue with dh, and he'll say, "It's really hard, I just don't know." Which leaves it to me to decide on my own. I have a couple of high-need kids. When you weigh two options, there's will almost always win. But when that happens, the other kids eventually become more high needs.

Why does everyone seem to assume that if a decision needs to be made, a parent will somehow just figure it out? What happens when they can't? Or when the results are regularly not ok, but that doesn't help you figure it out in the future?
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amother




Antiquewhite
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 7:41 am
This is exactly my issue! One kid has an appointment every Sunday, midday, far away. The other one is too young to stay home alone, so she takes two trains with me, sits through the appointment, and then sometimes we'll try to do something for her after. She does not appreciate starting her Sundays at 2PM in a random location, it leaves no time for playdates. (It's 1.5 hours travel time each day plus an hour appointment, I can't schedule her for playdates this long usually.)
We all come home together from work/ school. I need to put dinner up so it starts cooking, one NEEDS to tell me about her day right away otherwise she'll forget everything, and the other one NEEDS me to do her homework with her, and the baby needs to be changed and fed. It's always multi tasking instead of giving each one their full attention.
Forget about appointments. Do I take off work to get one kid allergy tested, the other ones glasses prescription updated, or the third one to the dentist? I can't keep taking off work but these are all things that need to be done, aside for the usual annual check ups.
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