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Why do I need so much space?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 8:10 pm
I don't understand why I find my kids so draining and keep feeling like I need space from them.
I keep wanting to just lock my door or get away. Kids have so many needs and I feel beyond overwhelmed. Overwhelmed to the point of irritation and avoidance.
I really want a larger family but I don't see how I can manage more. I suspect I have ADHD (have an appt for a psychiatrist in a month) and I feel like I'm drowning ina sea of others needs, responsibilities, sensory overload and stuff I can never stay on top of.
I am in therapy, it's not helping much.
I go to a yoga class once a week and a shuir once a week, I go out at night sometimes and I work part time. I have a full life outside of being Mommy, but my Mommy life is draining me.
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amother




Steelblue
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 8:43 pm
Omg I cldve written this post myself! I feel super burned out from my kids and I always feel like I can't get them into bed fast enough...& my oldest is a teenager so that doesn't happen to early...
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amother




Hawthorn
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 9:28 pm
I think sensory overload has a real impact here.
Don’t underestimate it.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, May 19 2022, 9:31 pm
Yes me too which is why I will not have a large family. I don’t have adhd. Just an introvert and HSP. It makes me a better mom in some ways and a worse one in others.
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dreamerforever




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 2:31 am
Zehava wrote:
Yes me too which is why I will not have a large family. I don’t have adhd. Just an introvert and HSP. It makes me a better mom in some ways and a worse one in others.


Same here, and I love this sentence. So true.

Op, kids are the epitome of sensory overload, and they need so so much from us. I relate to your 'beyond overwhelmed'. They are indeed so draining, and they take up so much of our space- and so often it's just too much.

Are you a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Sometimes just knowing why you react like you do (while others seem to handle it better) can make you feel so validated and less alone in your struggle.

For me, I think it definitely gets a bit easier once they are a bit older and less super- physically needy, and 'on me' all the time.
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jewishmom6




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 7:19 am
Zehava wrote:
Yes me too which is why I will not have a large family. I don’t have adhd. Just an introvert and HSP. It makes me a better mom in some ways and a worse one in others.


Oh my gosh. I am literally going insane from my HSP child. She is so so rigid/not flexible, everything is a problem, has a hard time listening.

I am loosing my sense of self from her...and I am slowly loosing it..........
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 8:49 am
I am HSP for sure and I have HSP children. The combination is exhausting to put it mildly.

What is the solution? I can't be drained and overwhelmed my whole life. I also want to enjoy my kids.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 9:26 am
jewishmom6 wrote:
Oh my gosh. I am literally going insane from my HSP child. She is so so rigid/not flexible, everything is a problem, has a hard time listening.

I am loosing my sense of self from her...and I am slowly loosing it..........

Seems more like SPD or a combo. I wasn’t that extreme as a kid. I think I tolerated noise and crowds a lot more then.
I didn’t listen to anyone though😂 that hasn’t changed.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 9:27 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am HSP for sure and I have HSP children. The combination is exhausting to put it mildly.

What is the solution? I can't be drained and overwhelmed my whole life. I also want to enjoy my kids.

Ooooh try being HSP with ADHD kids! It’s a wild ride. I get along best with my HSP kid because he doesn’t need to constantly constantlyyyyy be all over me.
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Redbird




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 9:44 am
Look into loop earplugs. (I haven't tried them but they look good)
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 10:54 am
jewishmom6 wrote:
Oh my gosh. I am literally going insane from my HSP child. She is so so rigid/not flexible, everything is a problem, has a hard time listening.

I am loosing my sense of self from her...and I am slowly loosing it..........


you might want to look in to high functioning autism in girls. I'm not saying she's autistic but it actually looks different then I and I think most people who aren't familiar with the updated terminology, picture. I think some people say that all hsp are autistic but I don't know enough to say that.
as an aside- a sense of justice, not doing things just because that's what you are told to, sociaty thinks its the norm... are all character traits for autism as well.
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 11:03 am
Zehava wrote:
Ooooh try being HSP with ADHD kids! It’s a wild ride. I get along best with my HSP kid because he doesn’t need to constantly constantlyyyyy be all over me.


any advice Wink ?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 11:09 am
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
any advice Wink ?

Sure, lots
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 11:15 am
could you post your advice?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 11:16 am
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
could you post your advice?

Try specific questions maybe. I wouldn’t know where to start.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 12:31 pm
I have 2 children with ADHD and one on the spectrum. There's is literally never a quiet, routine moment.
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amother




Lavender
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 12:35 pm
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
you might want to look in to high functioning autism in girls. I'm not saying she's autistic but it actually looks different then I and I think most people who aren't familiar with the updated terminology, picture. I think some people say that all hsp are autistic but I don't know enough to say that.
as an aside- a sense of justice, not doing things just because that's what you are told to, sociaty thinks its the norm... are all character traits for autism as well.
This. And usually it’s brain inflammation at the root of the behaviors.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 12:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have 2 children with ADHD and one on the spectrum. There's is literally never a quiet, routine moment.

Totally get it. It’s only quiet when everyone is in school. And what’s routine anyway.
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 12:38 pm
have you really found that it's due to brain inflammation, or is it just a different way your mind works? how would you go about treating brain inflammation- have you been successful?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, May 20 2022, 12:41 pm
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
have you really found that it's due to brain inflammation, or is it just a different way your mind works? how would you go about treating brain inflammation- have you been successful?

No I don’t think it’s brain inflammation. While they do act out a bit more when they have strept, I find the whole pandas/pans obsession cultish and unproven. They’re just different, is all. Currently I’m about to pursue therapy for one of my kids who asked for it to help sort out their brain.
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