At my wits end: update

amother

Mon, May 23 2022, 6:13 am

I have a small brood of children, ranging in age from preschool to high school. No matter how many times I say it, they just don’t listen. Today I have ants in the living room and little tiny pieces of popcorn on the rug because they were eating in there yesterday. (I wasn’t home) when they take showers and baths, their clothes just get dumped on the floor and left there. Towels get dumped on their bedroom floors. It’s like pulling teeth to get them to help around the house. I tell the cleaning lady to leave clothes and towels where she finds them, but they don’t care. They yell at me when they can’t find clean clothes, but half the time their hampers are empty!!!
I need serious help….
We have a chores chart, but we haven’t done it since the summer. I think I’m going to start using it again, but make it for things like “put all laundry on the floor into hampers” and “hang all towels in the bathroom.” You don’t want other people going into your room or touching your things? Then take care of it yourself!!
Anyone have any suggestions for me?

amother

Cyan

Mon, May 23 2022, 6:28 am

I feel your pain.
It’s so frustrating.
We are far from having it all worked out, but a couple of comments.
Yes, leave their things, let them feel the natural consequences of their actions.
I ask my kids to bring their dirty hampers downstairs to the laundry and help sort it out (I have a larger divided hamper in the laundry).
They often wait till they have no more clean socks or uniform shirts, but they are getting better. And my daughter has learnt that if she wants her clothes clean for next shabbos she can’t wait till Friday. So we are slowly getting there…
Every Sunday we do ask them a number of times to bring their dirty clothes down so that they will have clean uniforms for Monday.

Another thing that works - (they might kvetch but at least it’s getting done)
Often after dinner I’ll say there are X amount of jobs that need to be done and I’ll list them. Each kid has to choose one and we all do it straight away. (Everyone also has the clear their own plate) Takes like 5 minutes(If there are things like food that they have left out, putting it away would be one of the jobs)
Or Friday afternoon I write the list of erev shabbos jobs and everyone has to pick one or two.
Nothing too major or hard, sweep the floor, empty dishwasher etc.

amother

Mon, May 23 2022, 6:57 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

Thank you so much for the detailed response! I’m going to try to go through it point by point, and maybe add in what I can do to make it work for me.

laundry
The washer dryer is in my bathroom, on the same floor as all the kids’ bedroom. Perhaps I will ask them every night to bring their hamper into my bathroom and separate their laundry. (This is in addition to having someone go around each night collecting all the laundry that is on the floor.)

daily jobs
These are on the chores chart- clean up after din we, sweep kitchen/dining room, straighten up play room. I definitely need to get back on track with that.

erev shabbos jobs
They all have jobs, but they get to choose what they do, it’s not predetermined. Perhaps I will add that (and jobs ON shabbos, like who clears what when) to the chores chart.

amother

Cognac

Mon, May 23 2022, 7:19 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Everyone should be responsible for their own laundry. Why should one person pick up all the dirty laundry from the floor?

amother

Mon, May 23 2022, 7:28 am

amother [ Cognac ] wrote:

Everyone should be responsible for their own laundry. Why should one person pick up all the dirty laundry from the floor?

I agree 100%! My idea, which I said in my original post, was that perhaps doing it this way will be the impetus for getting them to be responsible for their own things. Right now there is always laundry on the bedroom floors and in the bathroom. The idea is that if they don’t want other people touching their things and going into their rooms, they should pick it up themselves in the first place.

amother

Honey

Mon, May 23 2022, 7:36 am

OP, you seem to have the skills and ability to run the house well... It's just hard to get it all together all the time. I get it.
I've done these and they've worked for me:
1- I told the kids that whatever clothes I see on the floor gets folded and put right back into their closet/drawer. This can really only work with kids who care to have clean clothing Smile

Lol. Boy did they make sure to put their things into the hamper. When they didn't I'd fold it back (yes, even their dirty panties) and gave them a heads up that there's dirty laundry among their clean ones... but also told them that I would not be giving them this warning every time... they'd quickly check their closet to see what wasn't clean and put it into the hamper, but knowing that I wouldn't always inform them and that they may be wearing the same underwear as yesterday was enough to motivate them to throw them into the hamper before I got to cleaning their rooms myself.
2-Every time I found something that belonged to one of my kids laying around on the floor somewhere I'd tell them to put it away PLUS another three things. So it was either they put it away in the first place or put it away when I reminded them along with an additional three things. Not much, but again, enough to motivate them to put away in first place.
Hope this helps.

amother

Cognac

Mon, May 23 2022, 7:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I sometimes tell all the kids "pick up 30 things anywhere in the house ". It really works!
Do that every night for a week and then give them a treat.

imaima

Mon, May 23 2022, 8:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What is not in a hamper, doesn’t get washed.
If it’s on the floor, the cleaner will dump it on your bed to wash the floor. Don’t complain that your bed is a dump. If you regularly picked up things, it wouldn’t have been the case.

These are logical rules that are easy to follow.