What to do if the dress is….not their speed

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:06 am

Iyh my niece is getting married at the end of the summer. One of my sisters in law decided that all the girls who are 12/13 or younger should get matching dresses. No problem, I’m all for it. The problem is the one they picked looks like a Victorian mourning dress. My 12 year old doesn’t like it at all, but doesn’t want to be the only one not matching. How can I make her feel better about wearing it?

GRACEART Women Victorian Rococo Dress Renaissance Ball Gown Costumes (Dress & Hoop skirt) https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0.....psc=1

It’s similar to this, but there’s no corset waist, the neck is lower, and the sleeves are not lined.

amother

DarkGreen

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:09 am

Please congratulate your DD on her good taste. I wouldn't want to wear it either!

amother

Teal

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:09 am

Oy. This dress is awful. Just awful. I’m sorry

Iymnok

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:11 am

Does anyone else have an opinion on it?

Aurora

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:11 am

Maybe ask if your daughter can change to a different dress once the ceremony and pictures are over?

If not, well, there are some things we do because we love our families. Can she feel better knowing that she is doing a mitzvah by making the bride happier?

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:18 am

Oh gosh it’s awful. Can you ask them to get a different dress?

Sesame

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:19 am

If she doesn’t want to wear it, I’d tell her to do what’s comfortable for her

Besides, why is the aunt of the kallah deciding what the girls wear? It’s not her aunt and since it’s not the kallah/her mother picking it out, I think they probably don’t care. I didn’t care what my cousins wore!

amother

Hawthorn

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:22 am

Just have a good laugh. Forever refer to it as the Victorian mourning dress and what a good sport and team player she is.
Play 21 questions and have the first answer alway be “The Victorian mourning dress” in addition to the real wedding pictures, take weird ones (before the wedding at home) with her and a tiny violin, or anything silly .

She sounds like a good sport with a sense of humor. Run with it

amother

Chestnut

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:22 am

When I was 9 years old my uncle got married. There were 3 other girl cousins younger than me and the kallah wanted us all to match. I refused to be dressed like the little girls (one was 3!) and I'm still grateful to this day that my mother let me have autonomy over what I wore. My new aunt got over it and we are extremely close.
If it was me I'd buy my daughter a dress she likes and just show up.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:29 am

That dress is horrendous, please don't force her to wear it. It's not age appropriate for 12 year olds. Maybe talk to your sister in law to find a new dress.

Raisin

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:30 am

if she is at the older end of the range I don't think it is so crazy if she doesn't match exactly. Can you get her something similar but more to your taste?

amother

Maple

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:31 am

Tell her she can buy whatever she wants after wearing that!! Your daughter definitely has good taste. I do understand her not wanting to be different.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:33 am

Iymnok wrote:

Does anyone else have an opinion on it?

They all think it’s beautiful….I forgot to add, this is a super yeshivish family, we are the only ones who are not.

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They all think it’s beautiful….I forgot to add, this is a super yeshivish family, we are the only ones who are not.

This has nothing to do with yeshivish…

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:37 am

Sesame wrote:

No one cares per se, it’s just a nice/cute thing. They matched all the girls for my wedding (although they were much younger then- probably the oldest was about 8 or 9) and again for my sister in laws wedding, the next one after mine maybe 5-7 years later. They didn’t match for the oldest niece, not sure why they’re matching now. My daughter is happy to go along with the matching, she just wishes it was a different dress. I won’t say anything, because I know everyone else thinks it’s beautiful. I’m thinking maybe to buy her a pretty necklace….

amother

Seagreen

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:40 am

Btw, it says on the link "costume".
You don't have to stay quiet just because you think everyone else likes it, you're allowed to have an opinion as well.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:41 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

Love this idea!! She really is a good sport, and would be much more unhappy to be the only one not matching. There are 5 girls all around the same age, including her, so she would definitely be noticed if she doesn’t match, and my husband’s family is the type to say something to her, so she’d rather just go along.

Coffee beanz

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:41 am

If it is not a big deal to your family maybe get her a different black dress which will blend in but not be exactly the same.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:43 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Btw, it says on the link "costume".
You don't have to stay quiet just because you think everyone else likes it, you're allowed to have an opinion as well.

The link is not the actual gown, just something I found online that’s similar. I don’t know how to upload a picture from my camera or WhatsApp.

zigi

Tue, May 24 2022, 6:45 am

Get a bonnet with thin lace, lol

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