What to do if the dress is….not their speed

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:16 am

amother [ Oleander ] wrote:

The kallah doesn't get to dictate what everyone else wears to her wedding. Sorry. I don't get this mindset, and I'm chassidish. Everyone is entitled to look their best at a wedding, and no one needs to wear something that doesn't do them justice. A color theme is already more than enough to ask, at least the family choose the styles that suits them.

I didn’t say it IS coming from the kallah, I said I can see her wanting everyone to match and loving this gown. I honestly have no issue with the girls matching, I just have an issue with this particular gown. Maybe it’s coming from the kallah, maybe it’s coming from a sister in law other than her mother (I don’t see her mother davka wanting this, but she would go along if it was for someone else’s wedding)
Everyone lives in the same city, except us. The two who are (in my mind) most likely pursuing this are the two who are the closest- they grew up together, went to school together, went to camp together, one married the others brother….they love this kind of thing. It doesn’t happen very often (this is only the second grandchild to be getting married) so the matching in and of itself doesn’t bother me, although for the next wedding IYH my daughter will probably feel too old. (She will be 13 in 6 weeks)

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:18 am

amother [ DarkGreen ] wrote:

OP, now that you have an idea of what they're planning, can you source something along the same lines for all the bridesmaids? Maybe in a softer color (navy? dark gray?), in a similar but less severe style that your DD would like?

If you present your concerns at the same time as a solution, you might be able to get them to go along with it!

They’re not even bridesmaids!! No one will be walking down, not even a flower girl. It’s just the chassan, kallah, and grandparents. I can look for something else, but there is no Gemach here that can accommodate everyone. Where they live, they are much better equipped. And I can’t give an option to buy something….

mushkamothers

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:20 am

Why can't you say the truth, which is that dd is happy to go along but wishes it were a different dress, as do you bc it's not appropriate for little girls at a summer wedding. (Maybe the actual dress is a little better than this link? Plus with hair and bows and flowers or whatever?)

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:22 am

My sister in law just responded. She said the youngest sister in law (her girls are 6 and under) is doing her own thing. She said the only options were this gown or a white gown, and they didn’t want to go with white. (Also, it’s like I thought, it is coming from the two sisters in law who grew up together)
I asked her if maybe there is a different option for the older girls, so they don’t have to match the younger girls.
Edit: I decided I’m not going to do this for my little one, it’s too much for her. Either we will take something out of the closet or I will get something from Amazon or Burlington. My older one will go along with whatever the other girls her age are doing.
Second edit: turns out they like this Gemach because it’s free!!! 🙄

amother

Oleander

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So looks like the youngest SIL is not happy with the dress either and has no issue doing her own thing. If not everyone will be matching as it appears now, why don't you do what's best for your daughter? The two SIls who want their girls to match can still go ahead with their plans to dress their girls the same.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:28 am

I'm thoroughly confused as to how they expect girls 12 and younger to wear a women's dress?? It's a matter of time till people realize that it wont work.

And its a Halloween costume but that's another story.

Last edited by amother on Tue, May 24 2022, 9:42 am; edited 1 time in total

Sesame

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:29 am

amother [ Oleander ] wrote:

It’s nothing to do with the kallah! This is the aunt of the kallah that want the cousins of the kallah to be dressed the same. Not the same story as a kallah requesting nieces to match!!!

amother

Forsythia

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:32 am

Redbird wrote:

She said it’s not the dress she linked, it just looks similar.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:37 am

amother [ Oleander ] wrote:

Again, my daughter doesn’t want to be the only one not wearing the same thing. ALL the older girls are wearing this gown, not just the girls of these two. There are 5 girls all around the same age, 12-13, who will all be wearing it. My daughter doesn’t want to make waves. She will have a good time no matter what she is wearing. The youngest SIL is 10 years younger than me and her next closest sibling, and her oldest is 6, so in a totally different category than my older daughter. I won’t put this on my little one, but my older one will be given the option. I will ask her again when she gets home from school what she wants to do. It will be up to her.

amother

Papaya

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:38 am

I love fashion and no offense to anyone here... but Imamother isn't the most fashion forward crowd.

Yes, the dress in the link is awful, particularly cuz of the corset and the high neck.

But since OP said that there's no corset and there'd a lower neckline in the actual dress, I actually think the dress is cool!!

Victorian style is so hot right now. It's a beautiful soft romantic style and very femenine. Typically you'll see Victorian style dresses in lighter shades and I don't love black in the summer, but hey, it could've been worse.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:39 am

amother [ Aconite ] wrote:

Kol hakavod. Why on earth is that something to look down on?

I’m not looking down on it. I think a Gemach is a wonderful thing. The eye roll was at the limited options because it’s free, not because it’s from a Gemach.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:42 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

It would be helpful to see a picture of the actual dress...

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:44 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

Yes….on a woman, not on a child. And for sure not black in August!! It’s a beautiful dress, but it is too mature even for the 12 year olds. I wish I know how to post a picture here….

chanchy123

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:46 am

If your daughter is the oldest, it’s totally ok to say that she’s looking for something else. Get something in a similar color that can coordinate with the other dresses.
We had all the girl cousins wear the same dress to a wedding, but my oldest, who was 11 at the time wore something more mature.
ETA
I didn’t realize that the dresses would be black, that’s maybe forgivable for a 12-13 year old (but not for a wedding) but for younger kids? That’s crazy. But then again this might be very stylish in yeshivish circles.

Last edited by chanchy123 on Tue, May 24 2022, 9:47 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mintcream

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:46 am

op this has nothing to do with yeshivish looks like a lev tahor cult dress or something maybe in isreal mea shearim extreme group. I think its to black for mea shearim as well. if this was a January wedding the color, in a diffrent style wouldn't be so bad. even though I saw light blue and bright green gowns all winter but a summer wedding?! I just can't see the style on my 3/4 yr old. way too mature. this summer pink is very much in style. but any light color could work its possible it took alot of time to find a gown at a good price to match so many cousins. maybe suggest ask them the details what made them choose this one and show them a nicer gown that check off their criteria . no open neck, don't have to wear a shell whatever it is. I just had a wedding and spent alot to rent a gown. there is no in between option gemach gown are so worn out they are so ugly. while renting ones are stunning but so pricey for just one night imagine having to need multiple sizes. personally if your daughter sticks to this gown have a seamstress trim it with some coloring so it shouldn't look so black. you can switch collars and buttons or belts. if you chose not to match the cousins. I would go a step further and do a two toned gown, black to blend in, and another color.