What to do if the dress is….not their speed

amother

Burntblack

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes….on a woman, not on a child. And for sure not black in August!! It’s a beautiful dress, but it is too mature even for the 12 year olds. I wish I know how to post a picture here….

Try https://imgbb.com/

amother

Jean

Tue, May 24 2022, 9:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My sister in law just responded. She said the youngest sister in law (her girls are 6 and under) is doing her own thing. She said the only options were this gown or a white gown, and they didn’t want to go with white. (Also, it’s like I thought, it is coming from the two sisters in law who grew up together)
I asked her if maybe there is a different option for the older girls, so they don’t have to match the younger girls.
Edit: I decided I’m not going to do this for my little one, it’s too much for her. Either we will take something out of the closet or I will get something from Amazon or Burlington. My older one will go along with whatever the other girls her age are doing.
Second edit: turns out they like this Gemach because it’s free!!! 🙄

I was wondering whether it was simply that was the only thing available at the gemach in the correct sizes. I remember my dds by my brother's wedding and we went to the gemach and the only thing in the correct sizes was nothing I liked. But it is expensive to buy a dress for the one day, especially if you have multiple girls. We ended up not matching but it would have been nice if we could have matched.

DrMom

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:01 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

I love fashion and no offense to anyone here... but Imamother isn't the most fashion forward crowd.

Yes, the dress in the link is awful, particularly cuz of the corset and the high neck.

But since OP said that there's no corset and there'd a lower neckline in the actual dress, I actually think the dress is cool!!

Victorian style is so hot right now. It's a beautiful soft romantic style and very femenine. Typically you'll see Victorian style dresses in lighter shades and I don't love black in the summer, but hey, it could've been worse.

If thinking that dress is hideously an inappropriate for anybody born after 1910 makes me not "fashion-forward" then I'm fine with that.

OP, if I were you, I'd offer my daughter the option of me telling whomever appointed herself in charge of this that this project that this severe style of dress does not suit your daughter, so she will be wearing her own thing. No hard feelings, I'm sure she can understand, etc etc, and you are looking forward to seeing everybody at the wedding.

I think it's important to offer your DD that option so she understands that it is okay to speak up for yourself. You don't always have to go along to get along.

If your daughter doesn't take you up on that offer, and she's okay with wearing the Victorian funeral dress, then she'll have her Purim costume in order come next Adar.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:06 am

amother [ Burntblack ] wrote:

Try https://imgbb.com/

Removed this picture also, just to be on the safe side.

Thank you!! (The sleeves are not lined, that’s my niece’s shirt.)
It’s not hideous but it’s definitely not appropriate (in my opinion) for an august wedding.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:08 am

amother [ Jean ] wrote:

Yes, the only thing available in all the sizes needed was either this gown or a white gown. I mentioned that it’s free just to say that this gown, because they are choosing to match everyone, is needed for 10-15 girls, so it being free is a huge perk and a major price saver.

Chayalle

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:12 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you!! (The sleeves are not lined, that’s my niece’s shirt.)
It’s not hideous but it’s definitely not appropriate (in my opinion) for an august wedding.

LOL I know where this is from (unless there's another gemach with same gown, who knows). It's actually not nearly as bad as the original picture you posted, because the sheer fabric/polka dots gives a lighter appearance and is less severe. However, it's really (IMVHO) more suitable for a winter wedding.

The same Gemach has this in a white, and you posted they don't want to do the white, but IIRC it has pink embellishments on the white version - ribbons on the sleeves and I think at the neck. Very fresh for kids, I would've chosen that one personally.

Last edited by Chayalle on Tue, May 24 2022, 11:30 am; edited 1 time in total

pause

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:13 am

The picture you posted is very in style now. It's really not as bad as you made it sound in the OP. The material is totally different. But I wouldn't like it for the summer.

Have the girls wear a white shell underneath to lighten it up and give it some color.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:17 am

Chayalle wrote:

It’s probably exactly where you think it’s from. They don’t want the white one because white is for the kallah. Her sisters all all wearing light blue.
It’s definitely not as bad as what I posted, and like I said it’s not hideous. It’s just too severe even for a 12 year old, let alone a younger kid!! And for a summer wedding they should wear something lighter.
I understand it’s cute to match. So do it for those two families. Why do the other 3 need to be involved too? Everyone (probably the whole city!!) knows how close these two families are, so it wouldn’t be strange that they are matching and no one else. Also they have a bunch of kids that are the same age. But seriously bot black for an August wedding.
(PS- you probably know my in law family!!)

mushkamothers

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is 4 sisters, all different ages….

It's pretty bad, sorry... I know it's considered fashionable at the moment but black for a summer wedding... for girls...

Is this version in white? I'd do that and wear pink shells under the sleeves and get pink belts and put pink flowers or ribbons in their hair. Now thats a gorgeous look for a bunch of little girls to flounce about at a wedding. And btw the very little girls can absolutely wear white, like bridesmaids.

Chayalle

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yeah it's white but it has added color which I think makes it less of an issue. Plus it's not satin. Kallahs aren't wearing white polka-dotted ruffly gowns. I happen to think the white is so much nicer for a summer wedding.

And Lakewood's a big place, so I either do or don't know the family. Plenty of August weddings!

I have a niece getting married in August, and pastels are the go-to colors for the wedding.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:24 am

Chayalle wrote:

Maybe your niece’s family can talk to my in law family 😆

jewishmom6

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you!! (The sleeves are not lined, that’s my niece’s shirt.)
It’s not hideous but it’s definitely not appropriate (in my opinion) for an august wedding.

This is waaay nicer than the amazon gown.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is 4 sisters, all different ages….

This is actually cute and young and not even similar to the original one you posted! It's very in now. But black for a summer wedding is severe. Maybe put fresh flowers or babies breath in her hair.

Fave

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:32 am

Op, when you posted the Amazon link I understood you. The actual gowns are not Victorian mourning gowns.

I personally wouldn’t choose black gowns for young girls (evening in the winter), but I recommend you be a sport and join the party.

I’m curious, don’t you think your family would be offended that you posted all the details, with pics on Ima?

amother

Cyan

Tue, May 24 2022, 10:33 am

I hate to be a buzzkill, but if that’s a picture of your nieces and not your daughters you really should take it down, unless your sister in law lets you post it. Even if the faces are blocked out. I’d be horrified if my daughters were posted like that for all to see.