Gan party norms | Imamother

amother

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:33 am

My kids' gan is having an end of year party next week. Are there unspoken expectations I should know about? Am I supposed to offer to bring something? (Is it okay if I don't? I am currently overwhelmed with life.) They did send home a note that my kid should bring a bottle of juice or cola, so we did--is that enough?

Is it the norm to bring a teacher present?

While I am on the topic--what got me wondering whether there is such an unspoken expectation--every Rosh Chodesh they have a "seudah meshutefet" and we get a note home not to send food that day. Once in a long while, like maybe once or twice a year, we are asked to contribute something--a container of chocolate spread is the one I remember. But then I see in the daf kesher afterwards a n note thanking the parents who contributed. Always makes me wonder, but then I forget about it till next time-was I supposed to be contributing even when I wasn't asked to?

Can't believe the year is winding down already. I can use an "Iyar II" this year!

Thanks!

chanchy123

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:41 am

I'm assuming this is Israel. Just bring what you were told. Sometimes parents will send in something extra (There is a dad in my kid's gan who brings artikim for everyone occasionally, or in the past, another dad would bring sufganiyot on rosh chodesh kislav) no one is expecting this - but it's nice, if you are overwhelmed by life, please do not do this, most people don't.
It is nice to give a gift to the staff, there will be a colloction for a joint gift to be presented at the party, but it's nice to give an individual gift on the last day of gan as well (you can do it at pick-up). In some communities this is the norm, in others some do and some don't. I usually send something if we're not continuing with the same teacher or there was a special connection. I do suspect though that I am in the miority and most people around me do send a personal gift, ask other parents in the gan.

salt

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:41 am

You do not need to contribute to rosh chodesh meals unless you are asked. The 'thank you' probably goes to those that were asked and contributed.

End of year gift for the gananot is usually collected by the parents, otherwise it gets very expensive.
If no one is collecting, you can be the one!

For end of year party, bring what you are asked to bring. No need for more.

amother

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:54 am

Thanks everyone!

Definitely overwhelmed and just want to do the minimum there. I have so much going on I'm afraid I'll forget to show up altogether. (I mean I know that I won't, but I won't be surprised if I drop another ball later in the week that has fewer reminders and a less excited kid attached to it...)

Re teacher gift--the parents aren't collecting anything. Most don't have each other's phone numbers (it's a gan safah so not community/location based). Does that mean I should do something myself? And would that be equally or more appropriate to give just on the last day of school? (When IS the last day of school, anyone know?)

I definitely won't go collecting from other parents--too much for me to even think of getting involved with right now both logistically and feeling of responsibility esp considering I feel like a newcomer who doesn't know the norms as it is.

Yes this is in Israel, a chareidi place.

chanchy123

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you not have a vaad horim? That is their mandate, I have not heard of a gan where a communal gift was not given. You are not expected to bring a gift to the end of year party, but if for whatever reason there is no collective gift, yes you should buy something and give it privately.
The last day of gan is the last day in July - however your teacher might continue in the kaytana - summer camp.

salt

Thu, May 26 2022, 6:08 am

chanchy123 wrote:

It's a gan safa so it might be a bit different. The parents do not know each other, and come from all over the greater area.

But OP, if you do end up bringing your own gift, do not feel obligated to bring something large, expensive or fancy. You'll probably see parents bringing big stuff.
A nice box of chocolates and a warm note is fine. I've seen here on imamother many responses from teachers who say the note is much more meaningful than the gift.
And if you're too overwhelmed to write a note, that's also ok - I don't want to stress you out Smile

amother

Thu, May 26 2022, 6:21 am

Nope, no vaadat Horim. I am guessing it is because it is a gan safah. And chareidi so no whataspp groups to make things easier to coordinate. My other kids' schools for Purim etc. they generally did collect gifts but not here.

So I should have my gift ready for the party, or the last day of school?

I feel like it's weird to show up empty-handed! Based on previous events this teacher has made, there will probably be gifts for the mothers... Feels uncomfortable to receive and not give.

On the other hand, there are SO MANY staff members besides the teacher and saayat--therapists and helpers/subs of all sorts. Just today I dropped my kid off and he was greeted by name by someone I never met before... So if I show up with a little chocolate box/card for just the teacher and saayat--won't that be uncomfortable too? Also--chocolate? I posted a while ago before Purim about how to deal with mm when there are so many people working in the gan, and in conclusion brought a big platter of chocolate then for the staff to share...

chanchy123

Thu, May 26 2022, 6:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That’s why it’s better to bring at the end of year. Chocolate, some generic gift from Laline (they will have designated teachers gifts on sale), etc. If there is a therapist that you feel went over and beyond it’s nice to acknowledge her as well.
I’ve never been to a gan party where parents gave individual gifts, but then there was always a group gift (even before the advent of WhatsApp - just realized that when my older kids were younger there was no such thing as WhatsApp or even smartphones).

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 3:43 am

Okay help please.

For a brief moment yesterday, I thought maybe I would collect the money myself. But when it was after midnight and I still hadn't managed to send a text to one group chat that I'm on (with just a few parents who have smartphones) about it I realize that is unrealistic for me in my current overwhelmed state.

So quick. Please. Exactly what should I do? Give small chocolate things to just the main teacher and the Saayat, at the party? What about all the teachers/therapists who will surely be there, won't that be awkward? (I have no idea who will actually be there.)

amother

Mimosa

Fri, May 27 2022, 3:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When I had a kid in gan safa, I gave individual gifts. I now have a kid in chinuch meyuchad, and for the first year or two I gave about 15 gifts to all the teachers, sayaot, therapists, etc. including individual notes for each one, but more recently I've been taking the easy route and giving one big gift for everyone to share. There's so much staff that it's nearly impossible not to forget someone if you do individual ones.

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:02 am

Should I just get them one big thing of chocolates? I did that exact thing on Purim so now what? Isn’t it kind of weird (opposite of thoughtful) to do it again? Any other ideas?

Something with balloons?

If I do small for each one—should I just give myself more time to work on it till the end of the year?

Sesame

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:02 am

chanchy123 wrote:

First I’m hearing of a concept of vaad horim. I use the Gan system in Israel….

amother

Mimosa

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Should I just get them one big thing of chocolates? I did that exact thing on Purim so now what? Isn’t it kind of weird to do it again? Any other ideas?

Something with balloons?

If I do small for each one—should I just give myself more time to work on it till the end of the year?

I've done chocolate for Purim and something for the classroom for end of year. I think last year it was a really nice clock that said Todah on it.

If you're doing each one, I suggest you get a list from the ganenet of all the staff so you don't miss anyone.

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:57 am

Oh, I like the idea of a collection of games! It seems less “hit or miss” than a gift store item.

I can also probably get it from a toy store that would offer exchanges if they want something else…

I think?

Too bad I didn’t think of this in time to order a giant quantity of play dough from Amazon or something (extremely much cheaper than buying here).

What would be some good games?

Hesitation: is it really a gift—if it’s really just supplies for them to do their job?

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 5:04 am

If I get games… how could I be pretty sure it isn’t something they already have?

(My son is not necessarily verbal enough to tell me, plus I really do not want to take him to a toy store.)

Or I should do play dough (which gets used up) even though it’s expensive?