Is it ok to bring a large Costco babka for Shabbos lunch?

srbmom

Thu, May 26 2022, 3:57 pm

We would love it!

Quote:

And I feel the exact opposite. When I have guests it's because we love hosting and enjoy the company. I want them to have a week off from cooking or baking or buying! I find it so strange when people feel a need to bring something. It's something I was completely not used to when I moved to my current city. I've started doing it because it seems like it's expected, but as a host I wouldn't think twice if someone showed up empty-handed.

amother

Almond

Thu, May 26 2022, 4:16 pm

amother [ Lightpink ] wrote:

Not that one should expect gifts or invite people for the things the bring, but as a guest, It is inappropriate to show up empty handed.
The host spend a lot of money, time, and effort to have you. It shows hakarat hatov.
Ideally, call or when you are invited, ask what is most helpful for you to bring as you are not coming empty and you might as well be helpful as you are bringing something anyway. Best to offer a few things so they have what to pick from without worrying if they are imposing. I always offer a salad, fruit, baked dessert, or wine.
To me, salad and fruit are last minute items which I am happy to not have to deal with last minute and have someone bring. Baking also either saves me the mess of flour in my kitchen on Friday or a trip to the bakery.

I'm not so formal and I invite guests for meals because I want the company. I don't need them to bring anything. This whole formality of needing to bring something for a meal is an unnecessary added pressure. There's nothing wrong with showing up to a meal empty handed. It's not an entire shabbos, it's one meal. It doesn't cost a lot of money or time to have people over for 1 meal. It's no big deal for me.

zaq

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:13 pm

A host doesn't NEED a gift or invite guests for the sake of getting one. A guest brings a gift as a token of appreciation, even more important now that the custom of sending a written card to thank someone for a meal or a sleepover has gone the way of the dodo bird.

However, a "hostess gift" does not have to be a food item. Unless your hostess says "it's potluck," she has presumably planned a complete meal and doesn't need your contribution. Nor should you bring a food item because you want to eat it at the meal. Most hosts will feel obligated to serve it whether or not they really want to, but according to etiquette authorities, you bring something as a way of thanking your host, not as a contribution to the menu.

Nonfood gifts such as flowers, picture frames, stylish tea towels or hand towels, pretty napkins and the like are equally acceptable, though often more expensive.

Whether or not it's rude for a guest to show up empty-handed depends on circumstances and local custom.

amother

Catmint

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:52 pm

The jewish pastries my costco gets are large scale commercial stuff that taste like chemicals. I personally would not enjoy the babka although I would appreciate your thoughtfulness in bringing a hostess gift. Personally I enjoy it most when guests bring drinks like nice lemonades or sparkling grape juice.

amother

Butterscotch

Thu, May 26 2022, 5:59 pm

amother [ Catmint ] wrote:

I happen to think they are delicious!

amother

Latte

Thu, May 26 2022, 6:16 pm

Probably community-dependent. My parents live in a community with no kosher bakery. If they went to someone's house for lunch who's "too kosher" for them, they'd bring something like this and it would be fine. We live in an area where there are a lot of options that might be considered "classier,' so I'd go for the bakery or even the kosher store's bakery if I couldn't bake.

But even if someone in my community brought me Costco babka, I'd be happy to receive and serve it. I would appreciate any contribution.

amother

Pink

Thu, May 26 2022, 8:24 pm

I know this should be a spinoff, but I don't get this practice of bringing dessert. When I'm hosting, I already spent time making dessert, I don't need the guest to bring as well....

In my circles it isn't a done thing anyway, it's just something I wonder about when I read it on here.

(I mean, I'm more than happy for someone to bring me cake, it's always welcome. But, why should I need to put it out davka when the guest is there, when I've already prepared other food?)

amother

Watermelon

Thu, May 26 2022, 8:34 pm

amother [ Catmint ] wrote:

This.
In my circles it’s not a nice enough thing.
What people bring is:
A homemade cake or a homemade style bakery cake or a wine or a candy / chocolate platter (parve).
If a guest brought a babka from Costco I’d appreciate the thought behind her gesture but I would not feel comfortable to bring it.

Just being honest but I think it depends on the people, different strokes for different folks.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, May 26 2022, 8:40 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

You are supposed to tell you host in advance so she doesn’t need to prepare dessert.

amother

Banana

Thu, May 26 2022, 9:16 pm

I would love it. And is totally accepted in my circles. Showing up with a whole bakery cake unexpected would almost be weird.
And what is wrong with putting out two desserts? If a guest brought a babka and I had made a cake or something I would just serve both.

amother

Clear

Fri, May 27 2022, 7:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you think it is ok to bring a Beigel's Costco babka to a friend's home as a dessert for Shabbos lunch? We do not eat many sweets so I do not know if people eat this for dessert. Also, is it better to bring from a bakery? I can get a larger babka from Costco and cheaper than a smaller cake at a bakery.

Didn't read the thread.

1) Is it yummy?
2) Does it contain anything your hosts are allergic to?

If the answer to 1) is yes, and the answer to 2) is no, then bring it.