Would this make you uncomfortable?

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 1:16 am

We live in a small out-of-town community which also houses a yeshiva gedola (bais medrash in Americanese). Sometimes after the Friday night meal, some of the boys will come over here to hang out for a bit. They speak with my husband, play games with my kids, etc. They usually stay for about an hour. This probably happens once a month or so. I usually just read or do my own thing or sometimes join their conversation.

A few weeks ago, I fell asleep on the couch right after the meal. When I woke up about 2 hours later, my kids told me that some of the boys had come over and had played Settlers of Catan with them. I was about 2-3 meters away from them and slept right through it. It makes me a little uncomfortable that 21-year-old bochurim were here for an hour when I was sleeping right in the same room. Would this bother you or is it just me?

amother

Lightpink

Fri, May 27 2022, 1:21 am

Yes I'd probably be weirded out. Where was your husband during this game?

But if your couch is near your dining room table, and they were at the table, I don't think they did anything wrong. If they were playing on the floor near the couch or at a coffee table there, they really should have known better.

amother

Burntblack

Fri, May 27 2022, 1:22 am

Yes, I'd be uncomfortable mainly because 1) I snore, and 2) what if my tichel slips off? Happens all the time if I fall asleep on the couch.
The question is, how do you want this handled in the future. Would you want DH to wake you so you can move to the bedroom? Would you want him to send these guys away? Would you only like them to come on pre-planned weeks so you are expecting them?
Decide what's okay and just ask your DH to handle it that way going forward.

DrMom

Fri, May 27 2022, 1:42 am

I'd be weirded out that I was sleeping in front of a bunch of guys.

OTOH, it was nice of them to keep your kids quietly entertained for so long. They were probably trying hard to keep them quiet out of consideration for you.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, May 27 2022, 2:33 am

How old are you?
I think it makes a difference if you're 25 or 55, at my age I think of them as my kids friends so I wouldn't bat an eyelash. But I also don't snore and would be wearing a shaitel...

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 3:44 am

Sounds like it's not only me.

I don't snore, and my tichel stayed firmly in place. (That was the first thing I checked when my kids told me they had been there.) They were playing at the dining room table, which is near the couch. I don't think they did anything wrong, but it still made me feel a little weird, even though I'm old enough to be their mother.

amother

Chocolate

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:30 am

These boys are socially off. Most boys would feel very uncomfortable playing right next to a married woman whose sleeping.

I'd make someone at the yeshiva aware of this. Maybe they can incorporate some social skills.

imaima

Fri, May 27 2022, 4:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would be very upset. For many reasons.
Where was your dh? He should have been in charge and either woken you or sent the bochurim out.

amother

Fri, May 27 2022, 5:05 am

My DH was out at a shalom zachor when they came. He came back while they were still here and shmoozed with them for a few minutes and then they left. He may have been the one to gently guide them toward the door.

amother

Firethorn

Fri, May 27 2022, 5:18 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Na this is not on them.

amother

Candycane

Fri, May 27 2022, 6:42 am

This is something an 18-20 year old will learn with time.
Your kids may have made them feel comfortable to come in and the boys may have happily accepted the invitation to enter since they've done this many times.
But, no, as soon as they realized you were asleep and dh was not home they should have backed out with a "we'll see you next time".

amother

Ghostwhite

Fri, May 27 2022, 9:03 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I don’t agree, especially if she’s old enough to be their mother.
They’re probably not thinking about OP in terms of “female” Wink

amother

Dill

Fri, May 27 2022, 9:22 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

That is ridiculous.

amother

Peachpuff

Fri, May 27 2022, 11:27 am

amother [ Ghostwhite ] wrote:

I don’t agree, especially if she’s old enough to be their mother.
They’re probably not thinking about OP in terms of “female” Wink

If she's old enough to be their mother, I assume they'd ignore it as they would their mother.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, May 27 2022, 11:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So who let them into the house??

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, May 27 2022, 11:37 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Or they are very comfortable in OPs house, which is wonderful.
I’ve fallen asleep and had people come over to my house. I usually fall asleep Friday night after I light, and my company usually comes while I’m sleeping. They come every week, a woman and her sons. They are very comfortable in my house. Sometimes they go to the kitchen, sometimes to the dining room, and sometimes they come into the living room. I have no issue with it. Nor do I have an issue with my daughters friends coming over while I’m sleeping, or my sons.

tichellady

Fri, May 27 2022, 11:40 am

I’m not sure I understand what happened. I don’t think I would be bothered that I was asleep but I’m confused who let them in. It doesn’t matter how I feel, if you feel uncomfortable then make some ground rules in the house going forward