Unable to do what my mind knows should be done

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Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing

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amother

Pewter

Sun, May 29 2022, 5:51 pm

amother [ Navyblue ] wrote:

There's are non-Jewish drop off boxes at gas stations. I used to not drop off there because it felt like a waste. But when things got out of hand at home, I realized what I was wasting was the space in my home and the menuchas hanefesh of my home and closets. So I close my eyes and just drop it off and remind myself I'm important too.

There are no such dropoffs anywhere near where I live. None. What. So. Ever. I assume that if there are no such places where I live, there are other places that have no such dropoffs, too.

amother

Stone

Sun, May 29 2022, 6:37 pm

I am very much like you and something that’s been successful in helping me get tasks done is using a Pomodoro timer: https://pomofocus.io/ you can customize how long you want the work/break times to be, but the idea is that you have a visual timer and get your work done during that time and then you get a quick break

morningsickness

Mon, May 30 2022, 3:31 am

I recommend the Flylady system.

I enjoy her essays on the affects clutter has on us.

And her tips really work for my ADD brain.

The only thing I don't like is that her website is very overwhelming to navigate.

amother

Pewter

Mon, May 30 2022, 8:53 am

morningsickness wrote:

The only thing I didn't like is her domineering tone, but maybe some people need that kind of drill sergeant. It just puts me off and makes me want to do the exact opposite.

kollel_wife

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:13 am

Do you have someone - friend or relative who would spend some time doing it with you. Another option is during a time a cleaning lady is there, where you can feel good quickly that things are getting done.

flowerpower

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:38 am

Set a timer and do 20 minutes a day. Don’t stop until the timer rings.

honeymoon

Mon, May 30 2022, 10:41 am

flowerpower wrote:

Set a timer and do 20 minutes a day. Don’t stop until the timer rings.

This works for me. The sense of urgency that the timer will ring gives me the push to do as much as possible. It's a total mind game because you and I know that nothing will happen if nothing got done by the time the timer rings, but it works for me nonetheless.

amother

Wallflower

Mon, May 30 2022, 11:44 am

You can also look into focusmate. My ADD coach recommended it to me. There is a concept called body doubling, where even if someone is just there with you even not assisting you, it helps with accountability. So this website/ service is set up for that. I think you can get 3 free sessions a week and then 5$ a month if you want more than that. I have been a bit nervous to try it but I am supposed to try it this week. Maybe posting this here will help me with accountability. You can also try to tell people you are doing this, like your sister, friend husband etc. and that too will help with the accountability

Good luck!

amother

Apple

Mon, May 30 2022, 12:05 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Set a timer and do 20 minutes a day. Don’t stop until the timer rings.

20 minutes is too long for me, lol. Even 5 minutes can be challenging. Maybe it's my time blindness, but 5 minutes can sometimes feel like forever.

Instead I have my smartwatch give me specific tasks. Clear the table, put away the leftovers, refill the urn, load the dishwasher, switch the laundry. Often I end up doing more than that, once I've gotten started, but I know I can stop with zero guilt because I did what I was supposed to.

My hardest task is the 5-minute living room pickup, because time is scary.

amother

Wallflower

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:03 pm

amother apple, can you explain more about using your smartwatch to tell you to do specific tasks? Do you set alarms/ reminders on the smartwatch?

amother

Apple

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:17 pm

amother [ Wallflower ] wrote:

amother apple, can you explain more about using your smartwatch to tell you to do specific tasks? Do you set alarms/ reminders on the smartwatch?

Mainly I use the app Routinery to walk me through the things I should be doing.

But I do often set alarms and reminders. It's actually better on the watch than on my phone, because it lets me set multiple alarms with labels. So I'll say, "60 minute laundry timer" and it will remind me to switch the laundry in an hour. Then I can say "12 minute pasta timer" so I actually remember to drain it.

I also have automations set up to remind me when it's almost Shkiyah (to daven Mincha and for other reasons), remind me a few times on Erev Shabbos how much time there is until candle lighting, tell me what's for supper and remind me to actually make it, and periodically announce the time.

amother

Plum

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:20 pm

amother [ Apple ] wrote:

If you’re living room was full of clutter it would take 5 minutes to go from very messy to perfect. It’s enjoyable to clean when you know that in a small amount of time it can be perfect.

Is your living room cluttered?

spikta

Tue, May 31 2022, 3:53 am

When I feel overwhelmed by something I need to do, that usually means I haven't broken it down to actionable tasks. Something like "clean the clutter", it's way too vague. When I get enough time to deal with it my brain just gets overwhelmed and is like - Nope! I don't know what to do so I'm just going to do something else.
Planning and figuring out what you need to do is also work that needs to get done. When I need to do something I hate, sometimes I plan it out to a ridiculous level of detail, just so I don't have to use my brain at all when I actually have to do the task. I literally make myself a list like:

1. Go over pile of stuff and look for 5 items that can be put in the garbage
2. Put 5 things in garbage.
3. Make a pile of 5 things that I want to give away
4. Take photos of each item
5. Post the photos on facebook with the text: "I'm getting rid of stuff, whoever picks it up first gets it! Pickup at XYZ st. 5PM-8PM this week. Whatever doesn't get claimed by the end of this week will be donated".
6. Google where the nearest goodwill is, and find out their number
7. Call goodwill and see when they're open and whether they'll accept my items.
8. Motzei shabos after the pickup window that I said on facebook is over, put all items that weren't claimed in the trunk of the car
9. Take items to goodwill on Monday morning after carpool.

Planning is also a task and it takes time, so how about you set aside a time just for some planning. You don't have to do anything physical, just sit down with a drink and a pen and paper and make a list. Don't plan the whole cleanup, just make yourself a list of a few tasks that you'll then be able to do without much thinking.
Later, when you have free time, you just do something from the list. No thinking, no overwhelm, just do a thing off the list, and you'll have made progress without involving the parts of your brain that get overwhelmed.

amother

Apple

Tue, May 31 2022, 8:46 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

My living room is my everything room. It is the living room, playroom, and weekday dining room. I have kids home all day, every day. It gets VERY messy!

In 5 minutes I can make a big and very visible dent but usually can't get it totally clean.

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