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S/o checking kids clothing tags
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amother
Wine


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:39 am
Heyaaa wrote:
Maybe because I grew up in it but I really don’t see the problem. I don’t see it as being fashion obsessed. Conformity is a real social standard in certain chareidi communities so it’s largely expected that people will want to dress like others. Many people are happy to let others know where they bought their clothes and really don’t mind if their friend checks the label. When self expression is frowned upon and fitting in is important then this is not considered so strange.

I’m sure that other communities find this strange but I’m sure those communities have other behaviors that are considered strange by those who think this is normal. We are all different and that’s what makes the world so colorful.


There's a difference between asking your friends and family and checking children's clothing. The first one is ok, the second one is not. This holds true in your community as well - as other's have chimed in already this is yenta style behavior where you stick your nose into someone else's business. There's a perfectly legitimate way to get the info you need to conform with your community standards, there's no reason to reach down into a child's shirt or pants to get the info.

Why not just ask?
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:46 am
Heyaaa wrote:
You conflated a few things.

Counting someone else’s checkbook is a problem.

Not showing proper hakaras hatov within your means, also a problem.

Reaching deep inside someone’s clothes to see a label, big problem.

Asking someone where their mommy bought their shirt and if the kid doesn’t know then asking if you can see the label, then flipping out the tag by basically touching the collar, a bit nosy but not such a problem.

I did not conflate. I am saying one thing directly leads to the next. If the teachers would not be nosey and looking at labels, there would not be the "she shops at X store and stiffs me".

As for "a bit nosey but not such a problem", I am going to change the scenario a bit, tell me if this is just a bit nosey but not such a problem:

You are at the mikvah. You are vulnerable. Your clothing is hung up on a hook, and as the mikvah lady enters your room to check you, your dress falls off the hanger, so the mikvah lady picks it up for you. As she does so, you see her take a second and flip over the tag to see the label. She doesn't even touch you. Is this ok?

Or, you are at the sheitel macher, sitting in her chair as she cuts your wig. She is standing right behind you and is very close to the top of the back of your shirt. She pulls back your shirt a tiny bit to see your tag, she did not ask you if it's ok, and she did not ask you where it is from. She just takes a quick peek. Only, of course, because she likes the shirt and wants to buy one also. You see, she lives in a community where conformity is very important and she needs to know where you got the top so she can get one too.

The mikvah lady would be fired and the sheitel macher would lose a customer. Maybe both the ML and SM just liked the tops and wanted to see the brand, no harm there, right? No ulterior, nosey motive?

Take it a bit farther, say the mikvah lady is not fired. She remarks to the other mikvah employees, that the women in room 6 always comes in wearing designer clothing and she never leaves a tip. The sheitel macher sees your pricey top and all of a sudden, her wigs jump $100 in price.

Ridiculous examples, right? Because checking a child's top, a child who is too young to realize what you are doing - that's ok. And doing it to an adult is not ok. Is that right? Yet, when you are changing a toddler's diaper or wiping them after potty, they are at their most vulnerable and trust that the adult will not take advantage of their charge, and peek at a label. No different than a women who is naked save for a robe, also at her most vulnerable, depending on the mikvah lady to also respect her job.

I hope you can understand what I am getting at.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:47 am
amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:
You guys are way overreacting. BH the parent body in my class is not like that. They appreciate the hard work I do. So once in a while I did it if I recognize a top or I don’t even remember the reason. Those who care really really shouldn’t send to daycares if they are that uptight as things could be worse than checking tags on a toddler.

How would you know how they feel, unless they know? It’s got nothing to do with being uptight. I just don’t want people looking at the labels on my kids’ clothing. If you want to know what brand something is, just ask me.
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Heyaaa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:48 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
There's a difference between asking your friends and family and checking children's clothing. The first one is ok, the second one is not. This holds true in your community as well - as other's have chimed in already this is yenta style behavior where you stick your nose into someone else's business. There's a perfectly legitimate way to get the info you need to conform with your community standards, there's no reason to reach down into a child's shirt or pants to get the info.

Why not just ask?


I would ask as I have mentioned. I have no problem asking. I happen to not spend time with little kids other than my own, so my concern is more as a parent with someone doing to to my kids. I agree that it’s nosy but I think that’s the biggest offense. If someone thinks they need to stick their hands into someone else’s pants or shirt to see the tag then I understand why it seems disturbing. Sticking your hands deep into someone else’s clothing is not okay!!! But that is not what is happening here. The person is flipping the colllar or the kid themselves is flipping the tag on the pants or they are turning around the skirt so the tag is at the front and then flipping up the tag. Again, it’s nosy but it’s not seriously disturbing.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:51 am
amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:
You guys are way overreacting. BH the parent body in my class is not like that. They appreciate the hard work I do. So once in a while I did it if I recognize a top or I don’t even remember the reason. Those who care really really shouldn’t send to daycares if they are that uptight as things could be worse than checking tags on a toddler.


No one is overreacting. You can't know how your students parents feel about this, unless you directly told them that you checked tags and asked them if they're ok with it. Your cavalier attitude towards this is very bothersome. It's not an appropriate thing to do, no matter how you try to justify it.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:52 am
salt wrote:
People are really overreacting.
If the kid doesn't even know you are doing it, then it's fine.
It's like if I'm at work and I peek at the label in my colleagues cardigan that's on the back of her chair while she's not at her desk.
Right, I wouldn't do it when she's around, and I'm not that desperate to know that I'll ask her (if we're not close), but I'm just a little curious or dare I say nosey, and will peek when she's not looking.
No crime done.

“If the kid doesn’t know that the language you are using is unacceptable, then it’s ok.”
“If the kid doesn’t know that you are touching them in an unacceptable way, then it’s ok.”
“If the kid doesn’t know you are teaching them something wrong, then it’s ok.”
It’s not like if you peek at a piece of clothing that she’s not wearing. If my kid has a sweater and isn’t wearing it, go ahead and peek. But don’t look at labels while my kid is wearing something. You wouldn’t do it to an adult, so why is it ok to do it to a kid?
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:56 am
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
Actually, those "other" communities are the ones that make the world colorful. Your communities make the world black and white.

That's a bold statement
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:06 am
I find it disturbing how many people do this or think it's ok. It's crossing a boundary. And just because it is a kid who may or may not realize does not make it ok!

Would you that to an older adult with dementia? Or a bigger kid with special needs? Or an adult with special needs? "Well they don't realize so it's ok." is not a good justification. It just makes what you are doing worse. Babies and children are people too. Yes, they need adult assistance but that doesn't give us free reign to do as we please for selfish reasons because "they don't know the difference."
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:08 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
“If the kid doesn’t know that the language you are using is unacceptable, then it’s ok.”
“If the kid doesn’t know that you are touching them in an unacceptable way, then it’s ok.”
“If the kid doesn’t know you are teaching them something wrong, then it’s ok.”
It’s not like if you peek at a piece of clothing that she’s not wearing. If my kid has a sweater and isn’t wearing it, go ahead and peek. But don’t look at labels while my kid is wearing something. You wouldn’t do it to an adult, so why is it ok to do it to a kid?

Powerful words
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:14 am
Heyaaa wrote:
I would ask as I have mentioned. I have no problem asking. I happen to not spend time with little kids other than my own, so my concern is more as a parent with someone doing to to my kids. I agree that it’s nosy but I think that’s the biggest offense. If someone thinks they need to stick their hands into someone else’s pants or shirt to see the tag then I understand why it seems disturbing. Sticking your hands deep into someone else’s clothing is not okay!!! But that is not what is happening here. The person is flipping the colllar or the kid themselves is flipping the tag on the pants or they are turning around the skirt so the tag is at the front and then flipping up the tag. Again, it’s nosy but it’s not seriously disturbing.

The question is if you would do the same tag check if it was an adult?
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amother
Canary


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:16 am
Heyaaa wrote:
Maybe because I grew up in it but I really don’t see the problem. I don’t see it as being fashion obsessed. Conformity is a real social standard in certain chareidi communities so it’s largely expected that people will want to dress like others. Many people are happy to let others know where they bought their clothes and really don’t mind if their friend checks the label. When self expression is frowned upon and fitting in is important then this is not considered so strange.

I’m sure that other communities find this strange but I’m sure those communities have other behaviors that are considered strange by those who think this is normal. We are all different and that’s what makes the world so colorful.

I live in a community where conforming is, unfortunately, a real social standard. A) it is sad enough that we need to conform, no need to use it as a reason to do inappropriate stuff, and B) buying the same brand of clothes your neighbors’ kids are wearing is not conforming, it’s either peer pressure or lack just very nosy.
Please don’t use our broken system as an excuse. Yes, there are many beautiful things about our community, but this is not one of them.
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amother
SandyBrown


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:21 am
Adults and kids are differnet. Full stop.

Its far too a broad a statement to say if you wouldnt do it to an adult , dont do it to the child.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:21 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
How would you know how they feel, unless they know? It’s got nothing to do with being uptight. I just don’t want people looking at the labels on my kids’ clothing. If you want to know what brand something is, just ask me.

We have examples upthread of people saying they don't want to ask ask it might be "uncomfortable" for the person who is wearing it (very cheap brand or very expensive)
I don't buy that argument. I tend to believe it's the person asking who doesn't want to be seen in her true (yenta?) colors
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amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:22 am
salt wrote:
People are really overreacting.
If the kid doesn't even know you are doing it, then it's fine.
It's like if I'm at work and I peek at the label in my colleagues cardigan that's on the back of her chair while she's not at her desk.
Right, I wouldn't do it when she's around, and I'm not that desperate to know that I'll ask her (if we're not close), but I'm just a little curious or dare I say nosey, and will peek when she's not looking.
No crime done.

I would hope no one is touching the sweater on my chair while I leave for a few minutes. I'm trusting no one touches any of my things when I'm not around. That's borderline stealing.

Also comparing clothing left on a chair to clothing being worn by a child- do you not see the difference?
There is a real living being inside there.

Using one's position of power to gain something from a small child comes very close to abuse. It's low.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:24 am
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:
Adults and kids are differnet. Full stop.

Its far too a broad a statement to say if you wouldnt do it to an adult , dont do it to the child.

Really? What's the difference?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:26 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
We have examples upthread of people saying they don't want to ask ask it might be "uncomfortable" for the person who is wearing it (very cheap brand or very expensive)
I don't buy that argument. I tend to believe it's the person asking who doesn't want to be seen in her true (yenta?) colors


It's possible some people are doing it to be nosy. I personally would ask the mom no issue, except I never see her due to my working hours. Also I would think most kids don't mind if you say can I see where it's from. If you give the child the control to decide, why is that not okay? Then you can have a discussion about mommy going to the shop and buying them a new dress.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:31 am
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:
Adults and kids are differnet. Full stop.

Its far too a broad a statement to say if you wouldnt do it to an adult , dont do it to the child.

Oh yes, they are certainly different. Full stop.
As we ask discussing checking tags I say that it shows a lot about the person who is *actively* checking kid's tags on a *regular* basis.
The difference is that the adult is big and therefore has far more power than a child.
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:36 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
I sometimes shop in a 2nd hand place with lots of upscale customers. In the past I noticed that once in a while the tag was missing. I thought it was odd.
Thanks to imamother the mystery is solved.
Either the fancy lady bought a cheaper garment and cut off tag (so that her fancy friends wouldn't look down on her) or she bought an expensive garment and cut off the tag so she wouldn't be judged for spending tons of money for expensive branded clothing.


And some women cut off their size tags because they don't want people to know what size they really are. LOL
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:40 am
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
It's possible some people are doing it to be nosy.

It's possible LOL LOL
Let's just be straight and say some people ARE nosy.
You don't see the parent? You can write her a note or even call her Smile
If there is a will there is a way Smile
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:41 am
amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:
And some women cut off their size tags because they don't want people to know what size they really are. LOL

Brilliant!
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