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Did your life turn out the way you thought it would?
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Did your life turn out the way you thought it would?
Yes  
 16%  [ 32 ]
No  
 76%  [ 150 ]
Other  
 7%  [ 15 ]
Total Votes : 197



amother
NeonPink


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:46 pm
Yes and no.
I thought I would have lots of kids. I'm kind of in the middle.
But the biggest disappointment was my husband. I envisioned a strong type with an ambitious personality who like to go places and a workaholic who pampers his wife, who makes you feel safe who is into fitness and adventure.
I got zero.
Now my husband looks and acts like an old man who retired at 62 because that's what you are supposed to do according to him even though we still have young children.
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amother
Clover


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:47 pm
I always thought Id marry a talmid chacham, live in ramat eshkol in a gorgeous apartment like my friends, be supported/work PT have my babies every other year, have a home full of torah discussions...

I ended up marrying a working guy (who doesnt always learn as much as I would like...), got married the last of my friends, struggle to put food on the table, had a traumatic pregnancy and birth and no plans to get pregnant anytime soon (my baby is 2)...

My husband is a wonderful guy. But I mourn my dreams often.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:48 pm
When I was 18 I was on a very high prestige career path in the honors college of a prestigious university on full scholarship. I had made it, having escaped poverty that I grew up on and now had it all figured out.
Maybe id get married maybe not. I wanted two boys and had their names picked .
Two years later I was at a beis din in Monsey and now, 15 years later, I’m in Lakewood with my husband and kids. I’m a stay at home mom.

So definitely not what I envisioned. Even when I was in shidduchim I pictured marrying a gavra type and my husband is introverted and type A.

Bh , Hashem knew better than I did
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:54 pm
I didn't really have plans or visions, except that I knew I wanted to make Aliyah, which I did. Everything else I just took one day at a time.
I guess I always assumed I'd be married by 30, have some kids. But life didn't happen that way!
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:06 pm
Wow these results are so interesting. I wasn’t expecting this.

I dated my husband for a while before I could let go of my dream and commit.
I think it would have been helpful for me to know then that most people don’t end up living the life they expect.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:07 pm
I planned to marry my Prince Charming, which I actually did ( Hashem is good to me)
We planned to have at least 6 kids and it would be rainbows and butterflies. I didn’t plan to have PPD and other mental issues that would make pregnancies, births and the stresses of raising children unbelievably difficult. The fact that I have 4 amazing kids is literally a miracle.
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losingweight




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:16 pm
I had no dreams. Bh I'm thrilled with the life Hashem with his infinite kindness sent me. Married 15+ years and still madly in love. Bh we have a beautiful family. I can't stop thanking Him.
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amother
Crystal


 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:43 pm
I had two dream husbands planned out. One of them was within the realm of realistic, the second was a total fantasy.

I didn't know it when I first got married, and maybe he hadn't grown into the role yet, but now I am totally married to my fantasy husband.

A lot of my dreams came true. I wanted a big family, I wanted to write a book, I wanted to teach, I wanted to help a lot of people. And I have.

I am not the mother I envisioned myself to be, although I'm working on it. I have the job I hoped for, but not the success I imagined.

Not always in the ways I thought it would happen, but it did.

Overall, I'd probably answer yes. I'm more or less living the life I hoped (can't say thought) I would.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 07 2022, 11:26 pm
losingweight wrote:
I had no dreams. Bh I'm thrilled with the life Hashem with his infinite kindness sent me. Married 15+ years and still madly in love. Bh we have a beautiful family. I can't stop thanking Him.


Same here
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amother
Bottlebrush


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:08 am
I B"H have the number of children I envisioned and live in the country I fantasized about living in as a teenager. Other than that, nothing has really gone to plan. The road has been rocky with quite a few obstacles, but B"H I am finally at a place where I recognise that despite everything, I am extremely blessed. That's not to say that I don't ever think about what could have been, but I have made my peace with and appreciate what is.
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amother
Bone


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:44 am
Not at all. I thought I would marry a stable man, have a lot of children (I always wanted a large family) and have a job that fulfilled me.
Instead my husband has major mental health issues that affect everyone and our lives and or marriage. We went through infertility for over a decade with one miracle child. I then needed to have a hysterectomy. So no big family. I had cancer. And in terms of job fulfillment, Ive been unemployed for a lot of my marriage.
It has not beeen a great ride to say the least. Its been hard with a lot of pekalach that I would hav rather not been dealt.
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amother
Brickred


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:08 am
amother [ Skyblue ] wrote:
Could not in my wildest dreams have imagined this much awfulness.


Me too.
Im sorry for you.

I didnt think much esp because I got married so young. Not chassidish. But v naive.

Married at 18, kids at 20.
And got the shock of my life how much pain one man can bring .

Now Im 30 with 3 kids bh but I laugh at how naive I was.
I hope my kids will never go through that.
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amother
Tulip


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:25 am
I was top of the class in my graduating year. Started my work life with a bang. Married what I thought was a modern, feminist man.
After having my two kids he turned out not to be so egalitarian after all and I lost 10 years of my possible career by staying at home with the two kids. Moved continents to accommodate his career and ended up emigrating to that continent.
This derailed my possible career and I ended up having a job but no career.
The kids are great but not easy and I find I don’t get a lot of satisfaction from being a mother. The payoff is mediocre.
I still deeply regret not putting my foot down and insisting on a much more even distribution of the child raising and household duties, as well as taking into account my needs.
I am quite bitter about it.
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:28 am
I married the man of my dreams have the kids of my dreams, I enjoy my work bh. I would love to be a better mom though.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:09 am
It's definitely not the life I thought I'd have, but it seems like a lot of you had very well thought out dream lives. I really didn't.

Here's what I got:

God gave me a real man to marry, a man who is a mix of ego and tenderness, pride, protectiveness, and fierce love. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I can't think of a time when I didn't feel loved, cherished, valued by him.

I couldn't have pictured my autistic son, could not have predicted the constant, slogging uphill battle that is being his mom. He's sweet, and kind, and vulnerable, and brilliant, goofy and geeky in the best of ways. I never knew that being his mom would be so frightening, that I could feel so helpless and so angry, so proud and so....much. I never knew I could feel so much.

I was given a bunch more kids. They fill me up and drain me dry. I see them turning into real little people. It's magical and beautiful and exhausting. I see my neighbors sweet, calm, clean children and I wonder how in the world they do it. We laugh a lot. When the kids fight, or I'm loosing my cool, or the house is an explosive mess, I remind myself that we sit around with each other and laugh a lot. That must count for something.

I have a career that I love. I work with incredible people.

Money is always tight, always, but I feel safe most of the time. My husband makes me feel safe, a big, strong, shelter against the world.

I'm a very lucky woman.
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amother
Sunflower


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:29 am
I never had big dreams. All I wanted was a loving husband and to be a sahm to a bunch of wonderful kids. Dh doesn't express affection. I was shocked during shana rishona that he didn't even want to share a bed. After several years of marriage and visits to an re, I finally had my first kid. Dh refused to get a job which meant that my dream of being a sahm couldn't happen. I only had one more kid after that. I chose to give up my dream for a big family.
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:44 am
I would never ever in my wildest dreams have imagined my life turning out the way it did.
I believed I would marry someone in learning at least for a couple of years.
He went to work straight away. He wasnt husband material. I was emotionally abused for many years until we BH got divorced. We have three children together.
My life didnt turn out how I ever thought but on saying that, now being divorced I feel Hashem has granted me a new lease on life and I am grateful.
But there are daily struggles and daily challenges every single step of the way, with my kids, with dating, with finances, with my ex etc.
I would never have dreamt these things would happen to me.
I remember my somewhat carefree childhood. Looking back, had I known what my future would hold, I probably wouldnt have wanted to grow up.
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amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 5:11 am
losingweight wrote:
I had no dreams. Bh I'm thrilled with the life Hashem with his infinite kindness sent me. Married 15+ years and still madly in love. Bh we have a beautiful family. I can't stop thanking Him.


Not fair
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 5:35 am
I got married before I was 20. I was fully convinced I would have a home full of love and laughter. I ended up married to a guy who vacillated between being a monster and letting me breath for a while. Over the years I was cut off from my family and friends. He wouldnt permit me to go for higher education. Anything that brought me joy was a threat to him, even the chessed I did (and there was a lot of it) somehow was me taking away from him. "Him" and "I", the essence of who we were couldnt exist in the same room. There was more I won't go into. I lived in this excruciating relationship for a decade and a half. I finally was able to wrench myself from the marriage.

I wouldn't have imagined I would build a happy loving home for my children as a single mother but I did! Eventually I met the most incredible guy with a bunch of kids too. We got married and just as I originally expected I am now married, living in a home full of love and laughter. This is not how I thought I would get here but I'm not sure I could have had what I have now without all I went though.
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amother
Holly


 

Post Wed, Jun 08 2022, 5:56 am
Haha no.
My dream- a handful of adorable well behaved easy children spaced exactly 2 years apart. I’m the mother of my dreams. A loving husband who is crazy over me. A stable marriage. We live in town in Kollel for a few years then move to Kansas and start a lotus community. DH has a really successful business and we inspire lots of people. We have a beautiful house and I’m skinny and gorgeous. And always happy.

My reality- few children spaced very far apart. I’m not the mother I thought I would be proud of. My kids have kids of issues. My dh is super loving and he’s crazy over me my marriage is passionate bh but he’s unemployed for years. My marriage is far from stable. We are comfortable thanks to a yerusha but DH is depressed. We don’t do any Kiruv - we need kiruv ourselves at this point- and although we moved out of town it wasn’t for spiritual reasons. We live in a small apartment and I’m overweight (at least I’m still pretty). I’m more depressed then happy most days.

Life.

But I’m grateful for my beautiful family and close friends and I hope I don’t take out for granted, thank You Hashem.
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