Not making it help

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:02 pm

I think that the reality is, and I know we have hashed this over many times on this board, we live in mixed income neighborhoods.

Your neighbors living the same “normal” lifestyle as you (manis/ not working etc) may either be spending irresponsibly or have more income in one way or another - either they bought a house for cheap so they have an asset, they get family help (lots of it), they have programs and get kollel/ kodesh benefits or some mix of the above. I have insight to many peoples numbers due to the nature of my work and some of the numbers would shock you but even just something like having a mother that buys kids shabbos outfits and shoes means they have more wiggle room.

The standard (aka cheapest shabbos outfits, Iil leggs/ 60ish $ let’s say, kids shoess, meat etc every shabbos especially if hosting) is already very high and if you want to keep up with it you need a higher income or other ways to cut back. Obsessing over groceries wouldn’t be my first choice.

Btw I’m not one of the frugal, oot types here. I come from a very comfortable family and know the kind of income it takes to pull that off and we are working towards that but I know that life costs a lot and unless you have a really big income you have to prioritize where you spend. Like I never spent 10k furnishing a temporary apt but will likely spend it when I furnish a house Iyh. We got our furniture from Churchil and ikea for a total of under 5k.

4g01o

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:32 pm

dinglehopper wrote:

Like the others have said, you are living above your means. You either need to make more or spend less. And I suggest this now before there are more kids and many more expenses.

Not just more kids, older kids. Because older kids are very expensive compared to little ones!
My teens are making me skint Smile

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 5:48 pm

amother [ Navyblue ] wrote:

We thankfully bought a house many years ago, before the market went crazy

That is a KEY difference. If someone has a 3000 - 3500 mortgage, they would not be making it on that salary - and it's not like they are living any less frugally.

Housing costs went up tremendously.

amother

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:27 pm

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

I’m echoing what most people are asking.
Why don’t you work?
Especially if you have cleaning help and are sending child to day care.

I just graduated from school. I got my baby into babysitting so I can look for a job… even though I have a degree that took me 6 years to get I’m realizing now it will not make me a lot of money. ( one of the reasons why I’m freaking out and made this thread) I’m going to take every1s advise and cut out my cleaning help, mani, gym and waxing. I didn’t realize how much it added up to… also thought every1 does it and seems to b standard can’t believe it’s adds up to so much

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

U can drop the self care items if it doesn’t mean so much to u, but I personally wouldn’t drop the cleaning lady completely. It really mean so much to my sanity even if she would come in only once or twice a week to do the bathrooms and the kitchen.
I don’t know that you have to throw out everything, just cutting down as much as you can is a good start.
And I say this as someone that never had a cleaning lady for years and years and I finally have one now and I’m kicking myself for being so frugal in this Dept.

amother

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:46 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

Honestly it all means so much to me not sure how to give any of it away….

amother

Teal

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:56 pm

Just pointing out that anyone that bought a house in normal times is way way ahead of those whow bought now or plan to buy.
$100K can get you so much further with an $1800 mortgage than a $3200.....

Unfortunately the reality for me right now. Hope we made the right decision taking on sucha large mortgage.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 7:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It has to be at least $50,000 annual income for a six year degree, right? It seems you’re already calculating all the added expenses of your job (child care, cleaning help) without adding in the extra income. And you say you’re even getting by without the second income. I think you’ll be fine.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 7:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Honestly it all means so much to me not sure how to give any of it away….

Instead of getting a mani buy Essie nail polish and do it yourself. Download the Peloton app for $14 a month and you can exercise at home. I think cleaning help is a luxury and if you are really so worried about not being able to pay your bills then at least cut down her hours. That's life...you can't always have everything you want.

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 7:16 pm

I’ll be the voice of dissent. Keep some of the luxuries and hussle for the job. If you’ve always had cleaning help trying to find a job while cutting that out and all around trimming can be really intense.

I don’t make a lot- around 40 a year, but it really rounds off our income and helping with the luxuries. It’s also easier to spend less when you’re working. For example I would love to buy a few more ikea pieces and redo my play area but my mind and time are occupied with other things vs not working these things become projects that fill our mind… I do a grocery order once a week, when I wasn’t working I was shopping 3x for similar needs + ice coffee etc.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:37 pm

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

This is so true. I teach and don't work in the summers. I always say it every summer it surprises me again how true it is: If you're not earning money, you are using that time spending money. Of course if you earn, you need to spend (work clothes, extra cleaning help, daycare). But if you wouldn't be working, you'd still need me time, outings or else you'd go insane, etc.

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:58 pm

You know what I find very expensive a social life. Having a lot of friends equals getting invited for Shabbos meals and then having to reciprocate. Obviously those meals can’t be just basic when you have guests. Friends are expensive.

amother

DarkRed

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 10:08 pm

amother [ Ghostwhite ] wrote:

That’s why it says in pirkei avos- kinay lecha chaver!

MommyPhD

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 10:37 pm

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

I agree with this. Can you try to get a part time job in order to keep up with those things you want?

amother

Daphne

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 10:56 pm

MommyPhD wrote:

I agree with this. Can you try to get a part time job in order to keep up with those things you want?

Op said she's job hunting. It doesn't make sense to keep spending on everything until she's actually bringing in the income, though.

MommyPhD

Thu, Jun 09 2022, 12:06 am

amother [ Daphne ] wrote:

Op said she's job hunting. It doesn't make sense to keep spending on everything until she's actually bringing in the income, though.

I know, I assumed she is looking for full-time work in her degree area. I was suggesting that perhaps until that pans out, she could find something less specific part-time, just to afford the extra things she wants/needs.

amother

Tan

Thu, Jun 09 2022, 7:42 am

Honestly these types threads always confuse me as If I'm missing something. I live in lakewood with 3 kids And make around 150k (after taxes) and feel like I'm managing amazing BH.
That gives me around 10k+ a month to spend.
1000 food
2500 mortgage
1000 cars
1600 childcare/tuition
Health insurance for us 500
My kids are on jerseycare and we are not.
I do not spend a lot on clothes and have no cleaning help.
(All the numbers are average )
I understand if my kids were older , needed camp, ..bar mitzvahs it would be more ..

amother

Thu, Jun 09 2022, 8:12 am

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Because your making 70k more then me