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Update: Spending money - Average amount for dorming son?

 
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How much $ do you give your teenage son on average MONTHLY?
$25-$50  
 26%  [ 9 ]
$50-$75  
 29%  [ 10 ]
$75-$100  
 20%  [ 7 ]
$100+  
 14%  [ 5 ]
He has unlimited funds, spends whatever he’d like  
 5%  [ 2 ]
Other - please elaborate below  
 2%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 34



amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 12:04 pm
Exactly as stated above - how much do you give your son weekly/monthly?

DS is dorming next year in a yeshiva about 2 hours away from us. He is a big spender, and understands that he will need to use some of his own money as well for extras. But I still want him to feel taken care of.

Yeshiva provides meals (though he is a crazy picky eater) and laundry - so outside of these expenses, how much should I give him for personal use?

He will be home every Shabbos for 9th grade, and we will be paying for his transportation home separately.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 3:47 pm
No one?
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 4:00 pm
We usually give our sons $40 at every off shabbos. That isn't money for laundry (those are given in quarters separately) and doesn't include transportation expenses to/from airport.
They sometimes add their own money to use.
I think it's enough but they have to think carefully how they spend it which is kind of the point.
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amother




Burntblack
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 4:31 pm
My son goes to Walmart usually once a week and buys food. I pay him back for that, usually around $20-25. Some weeks ends up being more, some weeks he doesn't go at all.
If he wants to order takeout or buy starbucks, he pays for that himself.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 9:20 pm
Hashem_Yaazor wrote:
We usually give our sons $40 at every off shabbos. That isn't money for laundry (those are given in quarters separately) and doesn't include transportation expenses to/from airport.
They sometimes add their own money to use.
I think it's enough but they have to think carefully how they spend it which is kind of the point.


How often is there an off Shabbos? Is that basically $40 per week? Or does he only come home once a month?
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 09 2022, 9:24 pm
Every 4-5 weeks they come home so like once a month
They bring back a little nosh from home but really all they buy when there is more food for the most part
Refill on toiletries at home, I've sent things via Amazon as needed...
Since it's not including travel or laundry, it's really extra spending money. So about $10/week plus they can use their own from money they have accumulated...
I'm probably on the low end but they make it work.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 7:08 am
Hashem_Yaazor wrote:
Every 4-5 weeks they come home so like once a month
They bring back a little nosh from home but really all they buy when there is more food for the most part
Refill on toiletries at home, I've sent things via Amazon as needed...
Since it's not including travel or laundry, it's really extra spending money. So about $10/week plus they can use their own from money they have accumulated...
I'm probably on the low end but they make it work.


Thanks for clarifying.

Are they in “in town” type yeshivos? Hope it’s ok that I’m asking.

Maybe the cultures of different yeshivos vary?

He’s going to be in town, yeshiva is near pizza and sushi stores etc.

Like if the boys all order food once in a rare while, I don’t think it will be enough. Or if everyone chips in to buy something for their room. Or maybe there are other things I’m not thinking of… But maybe he just needs to bring more of his own spending money. He doesn’t have all that much though. And he’s not the type to tell me all the things he feels left out of. Am I overthinking this?

He’s my oldest, can you tell? Wink
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amother




Gold
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 7:54 am
It all depends on your son. Mine dorms on a block where there's takeout and a grocery store so of course he spends more then a boy that has a long walk or needs to take a taxi to food places. Can also depend on the yeshivas food...there will definitely be days that he doesn't love the lunch or supper and will want to buy takeout.
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amother




Burntblack
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 8:09 am
My son is in a not in an in-town type of yeshiva, but there are an abundance of places to eat.
Once in awhile I'll pay for his takeout if it's like a group thing, but if it's a random night that he doesn't like supper, he pays with his own money.
He worked very hard in a daycamp over the summer and one of the things that "pushed" him was knowing he'd have spending money and not have to feel left out from things.
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happy7




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:08 am
I have kids who go to school away from home. You need to decide BEFORE how much he can spend on ice cream, sushi, and pizza. The amount has to be less than what will make you resentful. If you don’t allow yourself to eat out whenever you please, or to buy ice cream just because, then you will actually feel resentful that he is. You can decide how often you think it’s reasonable for your family budget for him to eat out and come up with a number that way
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:29 am
One of my boys is in a larger out of town community... He'll get rides to "town" and get sushi, etc or he'll walk for ices. He's a spender like that so he also has to supplement with his own money (earned from learning incentives, working at camp, etc)

My other son has to walk 20 minutes to get to Kroger or get a ride once a week to a Walmart type of shopping so he spends less. He's won a raffle for takeout in that city and has gotten to splurge like that. Otherwise he's buying Walmart/Kroger type of food.

I send them back often with a salami, beef jerky, homemade goodies, etc
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 3:30 pm
Update:

Just got this text from DS:

“Hey ma, I’m kinda stuck moneywise. Do u have any suggestions? The amount that everyone spends daily is more than what I get weekly!”

Today is Monday. I gave him $30 when I dropped him off Sunday morning.

And of course, I feel guilty because there is probably some truth to what he’s saying. (I’m sure there are boys like him too, but many do seem to have endless cash flow.)

Just venting. I hate, hate this feeling. I had to watch every penny as a teen sometimes and it was really hard, and sometimes I missed out on stuff. We didn’t really have babysitting opportunities etc where I grew up. And I rarely dared ask my parents for more, I felt like I couldn’t do that.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 4:16 pm
What are they spending it on? Where are they going? How do they have that amount of time?
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amother




Jasmine
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 4:32 pm
happy7 wrote:
I have kids who go to school away from home. You need to decide BEFORE how much he can spend on ice cream, sushi, and pizza. The amount has to be less than what will make you resentful. If you don’t allow yourself to eat out whenever you please, or to buy ice cream just because, then you will actually feel resentful that he is. You can decide how often you think it’s reasonable for your family budget for him to eat out and come up with a number that way


This is a great point.

Op, before you even start thinking about how much to give him.....what can you afford?......what are your spending habits?....

Then you can think about what kind of spending habits you'd like him to learn and what is normal for his crowd.

Also, I think you should call up some people you know in his yeshiva plus maybe the parents of his new friends to see what's the norm in HIS yeshiva. Some are shpitzier than others.
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amother




Jasmine
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 4:33 pm
amother OP wrote:
Update:

Just got this text from DS:

“Hey ma, I’m kinda stuck moneywise. Do u have any suggestions? The amount that everyone spends daily is more than what I get weekly!”

Today is Monday. I gave him $30 when I dropped him off Sunday morning.

And of course, I feel guilty because there is probably some truth to what he’s saying. (I’m sure there are boys like him too, but many do seem to have endless cash flow.)

Just venting. I hate, hate this feeling. I had to watch every penny as a teen sometimes and it was really hard, and sometimes I missed out on stuff. We didn’t really have babysitting opportunities etc where I grew up. And I rarely dared ask my parents for more, I felt like I couldn’t do that.


I must say....that's a super mature text from a 9th grader!
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 4:42 pm
Hashem_Yaazor wrote:
What are they spending it on? Where are they going? How do they have that amount of time?


It seems that the food situation has been a bit precarious (not sure what reality is, as I mentioned, he’s very picky and easily grossed out if things are slightly over/underdone, very oily etc), and 2 high end takeout places opened up within a 5 minute walk from yeshiva recently.

The grocery store on the block started offering a breakfast special where they make you a bagel and eggs/shmear for $5 or a bit more…, throw in a drink and you get what I mean.

They have regular daily breaks, and many options are within walking distance. That’s my guess as to where and what they’re spending on.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 4:55 pm
Are they allowed any cooking appliances? Access to a fridge?

My boys have had access to sandwich makers for example to make their own food. Noodle soup stash, nosh, deli... Mini blender for smoothies...
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chestnut




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 5:07 pm
amother OP wrote:
Update:

Just got this text from DS:

“Hey ma, I’m kinda stuck moneywise. Do u have any suggestions? The amount that everyone spends daily is more than what I get weekly!”

Today is Monday. I gave him $30 when I dropped him off Sunday morning.

And of course, I feel guilty because there is probably some truth to what he’s saying. (I’m sure there are boys like him too, but many do seem to have endless cash flow.)

Just venting. I hate, hate this feeling. I had to watch every penny as a teen sometimes and it was really hard, and sometimes I missed out on stuff. We didn’t really have babysitting opportunities etc where I grew up. And I rarely dared ask my parents for more, I felt like I couldn’t do that.

This means he already spent $30 you gave him yesterday morning?
I agree with others that you have to first figure out what you can afford giving him. If money isn't an issue, then decide if it's important for you/him to spend like others or less.
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