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Should I have consulted with them first? Update
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:40 am
I run a playgroup from home.
I'm going to be away for 3 days so I've arranged for the kids to go to my assistants house for those days.
They know her well, they know the kids. They don't know her house...

It was a big organisation still, I gave her craft supplies, some more toys etc.
If I'd asked the mothers if it's ok before telling them then I would've had to have it at my house and I couldn't find an assistant that the kids know to be here early enough so this made the most sense.

One mother is really unhappy, she said it should be the parents decision, her son might be very unsettled etc.

I told her that it's too late to arrange anything else at this point but if she prefers, she can just not send him these 3 days, and not to pay me.she doesn't work at the moment, I have other mothers who work so it wasn't an option to start later at my house.

She said she'll get back to me. In the meantime do any of you think that I've handled this ok or not? Thanks
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amother




Glitter
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:46 am
I would want to know where my kids are and feel ok about them being there.

I would not be ok with daycare/playgroup/school just moving to a different private location without my knowledge or on short notice.

I would have wanted to know ahead of time and have a chance to get comfortable with the assistants home etc.

If I were told at the last minute, I'm a single full time working mom, so I'd probably have had to suck it up, but I wouldn't be happy and I would likely be worried and stressed all week.

I'd have rather known ahead of time, and I know I personally wouldn't have looked for reasons to say no.

And I think it would have been fine to inform the parents, given them a chance to make other plans, etc. I don't think you needed to ask permission.
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amother




Melon
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:49 am
Mothers aren't always happy when there are changes. A mother that is stressed out won't handle it well. My most challenging parents are the ones going thru their own crisis so I don't judge their sometimes unpleasant reactions.
Of course what you did was more than fair and responsible. You could have left them high and dry. I'm sure other mothers were nice and understanding. This mother would react the same way if anything in her life didn't go as planned. Because she is struggling to handle her emotions doesn't mean your irresponsible or unfair.
I'd be nice and apologetic and move on.
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amother




Wine
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:52 am
I think that parents should be told in advance about any changes of schedule. I also think that the playgroup should stay where it is and your assistant should come in.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:52 am
amother [ Melon ] wrote:
Mothers aren't always happy when there are changes. A mother that is stressed out won't handle it well. My most challenging parents are the ones going thru their own crisis so I don't judge their sometimes unpleasant reactions.
Of course what you did was more than fair and responsible. You could have left them high and dry. I'm sure other mothers were nice and understanding. This mother would react the same way if anything in her life didn't go as planned. Because she is struggling to handle her emotions doesn't mean your irresponsible or unfair.
I'd be nice and apologetic and move on.


Thank you so much for this. Yes she said she's just exhausted from having him and her other child home since before shavuos (I go according to my kids school holidays so this is even mine start as it was a half term included) she's also due around now to have a baby so she's definitely stressed. I was apologetic etc, I said I can't change it now. I feel really bad though.
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amother




Impatiens
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:52 am
Just curious why you couldn't have it by you anyways? I have a playgroup and if I ever needed to take off, I just gave my assistant the key.
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momaleh




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:53 am
No you should not have consulted with them first. These arrangements sound very reasonable, and make sure you give them enough advance notice and a few reminders. Not sure how long before you told them.
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amother




Sand
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 5:55 am
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
Just curious why you couldn't have it by you anyways? I have a playgroup and if I ever needed to take off, I just gave my assistant the key.

Yes, that's my experience. It makes more sense anyway with everything set up already and all the stuff needed. It sounds like way more of a hassle to move things for a day to the assistants home where it's not set up properly for the playgroup and not even be childproof. If I was the assistant I'd be annoyed and definitely expecting to be paid extra. Plus it's not really fair to the kids, it's not the same experience at all.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:02 am
This is my first time doing it elsewhere, besides for when I had covid...
My helper couldn't come early enough at the time that I start. I tried so hard to find someone that the kids wouldn't even have known but it didn't work out for various reasons.

This was the easiest and best option for both me and my assistant. I'm making a loss from paying all the extra assistants etc but this is what I have to do. I can't just leave the working mothers especially!
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:09 am
amother [ Sand ] wrote:
Yes, that's my experience. It makes more sense anyway with everything set up already and all the stuff needed. It sounds like way more of a hassle to move things for a day to the assistants home where it's not set up properly for the playgroup and not even be childproof. If I was the assistant I'd be annoyed and definitely expecting to be paid extra. Plus it's not really fair to the kids, it's not the same experience at all.


It seems like that's the arrangement the assistant preferred.

I don't know what consulting them would help unless you had other choices. Some people are complainers, but like mentioned above maybe because they are going through something stressful.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:09 am
amother [ Sand ] wrote:
Yes, that's my experience. It makes more sense anyway with everything set up already and all the stuff needed. It sounds like way more of a hassle to move things for a day to the assistants home where it's not set up properly for the playgroup and not even be childproof. If I was the assistant I'd be annoyed and definitely expecting to be paid extra. Plus it's not really fair to the kids, it's not the same experience at all.


My assistant preferred it at her house!
And it was so much easier for me.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:13 am
I think it’s fine. So many people say I’m gong away for 3 days make your own arrangements. And you have one upset parent so it doesn’t seem like a major problem. Also the kid knows the assistant and kids he’ll probably be totally fine there. I think it was nice to offer the option of not paying. I think you did fine.
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naomi2




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:16 am
You did fine, the arrangements sound very reasonable.
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:18 am
Parents need to know where their children are spending the day in case of emergency. I would be upset not to be told in advance.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:19 am
I actually happen to disagree having done playgroup and being a mother. In no way is it acceptable to just change without giving parents notice. Permission? No, I don’t think so, but ample notice with a note saying you have obviously been etc. I completely disagree that you could have left them “high and dry” as someone suggested. Have the parents had a chance to see her place or is it just you’ll see on the day? Is it child proof? Is there enough space? Is it within reasonable distance? I’m not just sending my child, I don’t know the environment or it’s safety etc. If you’ve been there and assessed the place as appropriate then fine, but I can still understand parents who will not find this arrangement acceptable. No one is right or wrong here, and you absolutely did the right thing by offering not to send with a refund for those days. I wouldn’t take it personally, and if indeed it is a suitable place within reasonable distance, the mother doesn’t need to be making a huge fuss, but it is what it is.
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amother




Mintcream
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:34 am
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
Parents need to know where their children are spending the day in case of emergency. I would be upset not to be told in advance.


She gave them a heads up that this will be happening she didn’t go yet. I think you over extended yourself to make everything work perfect and make sure the kids are comfortable. I say the other mom hates changes and is stressed but you were nice to offer her back money etc. I think you did amazing.
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amother




Petunia
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:42 am
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
I actually happen to disagree having done playgroup and being a mother. In no way is it acceptable to just change without giving parents notice. Permission? No, I don’t think so, but ample notice with a note saying you have obviously been etc. I completely disagree that you could have left them “high and dry” as someone suggested. Have the parents had a chance to see her place or is it just you’ll see on the day? Is it child proof? Is there enough space? Is it within reasonable distance? I’m not just sending my child, I don’t know the environment or it’s safety etc. If you’ve been there and assessed the place as appropriate then fine, but I can still understand parents who will not find this arrangement acceptable. No one is right or wrong here, and you absolutely did the right thing by offering not to send with a refund for those days. I wouldn’t take it personally, and if indeed it is a suitable place within reasonable distance, the mother doesn’t need to be making a huge fuss, but it is what it is.


This! It is reasonable to take time off and make accommodations for it, but it is the kids' needs that needs to be prioritized and not OPs or the assistant's preferences. I recall such a previous arrangement for my kid and was horrified when I want to drop off my kid. The substitute lived in a small apartment, and the kids were to stay in a tiny cramped room for the entire day.

What needs to be done here once alternate arrangements are set up is to inform the parents that all safety, environmental and other concerns have been met. Such as, 'I have ensured the environment is child proof, there's ample living space for the kids to be in, etc."
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amother




Holly
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:50 am
No, sending to children to someone else's home would not be an option. Im actually suprised that you, being a Morah, wouldn't understand this.

How old are the children btw?
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 6:54 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
I think that parents should be told in advance about any changes of schedule. I also think that the playgroup should stay where it is and your assistant should come in.


I told them today (Friday)
I'm leaving motzai shabbos. I actually didn't want to tell them too early, for this reason. I don't want to change my plans.

She said she's going to speak to her dh and let me know if she'll send him.
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amother




Mintcream
 

Post Fri, Jun 10 2022, 7:00 am
I live in monsey and it’s extremely hard to find a playgroup, here the teachers that need to take off close it for a few days cause they can’t find subs. They change locations without informing they are in demand so they can do what they want. All those concerned about safety and all if you trust the teacher all the time then I don’t think her making a change is such an issue.
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