Should I have consulted with them first? Update

amother

Wine

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I told them today (Friday)
I'm leaving motzai shabbos. I actually didn't want to tell them too early, for this reason. I don't want to change my plans.

She said she's going to speak to her dh and let me know if she'll send him.

This is really short notice and unfair reasoning. It means that you're putting yours & the assistants convenience ahead of the kids. It's way to short of a notice to let parents know today. I wouldn't be too happy about it. It's an unprofessional way of handling it.

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:15 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

But why would it make a difference?
This mother doesn't want to make alternate plans because the whole thing that she's concerned about is that he'll be unsettled to be somewhere new, she said she's too busy to come fetch him early...
So she's not upset that I told her late. But I'd have had to say I'll try to organise for it to be in my house but I did already and it was too complicated. If anything if I'd told her earlier she'd be upset at me and more stressed out for longer. Nothing good would've come from it.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Unless it is an actual emergency this is not actual notice. Is this a vacation or an actual emergency that you couldn't tell them earlier?

I know you might want a vacation but your priority is your students. They are not being given enough time to think or create new plans. YOU didnt want to tell them earlier even though you knew. YOU dont want to Change your plans. How long have you known you were going away?

How close is it to your home? I am a FT working mom- and not at a school or frum organization. Having a location change is a big deal because our mornings are down to a strict routine- who takes which kid where, when they have to leave... it might take us a few days to refigure it all out because depending on time/location we might need to call in a favor for someone to take a kid to school, let boss know we will be late, cancel or reschedule a first thing in the morning meeting...
Now what if it is a small apartment or we just arent comfortable sending somewhere else? I now have only Sunday to figure this out?!?

We sent to you, with you, in your place, in your location...

It isnt just about you and your vacation. What about your responsibility to the parents? And no- you couldnt just "leave them high and dry". You made a commitment barring unforeseen events. Vacations are definitely known in advance.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And that's the issue. It was too complicated for you. You didnt want to make it work out for the moms you committed to. Being the one in charge (ie making your playgroup) means you lose out on convenience and being able to go away for a getaway.

How is she to make arrangements with her work?
How long have you known?

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:23 am

OP, telling them today and this happeninh the next day of gan, is in no way prior notice.
Also,,the gan is in your home. Kids are used to that. As are the parents. How far is the assistant's home? If this happened at a day care I sent a child to, I would be beyond miffed. In my opinion, this is not professional at all. It is your responsibility to have figured out a way to take time off without changing the location for the children and parents.

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:23 am

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

It's a 2 minute drive from my house, that's not the issue.
Its a vacation that was pushed off from 2 years ago due to covid. We didn't want to lose our tickets.
I live in England, it's very different here. I can think of one mother who works full time, but her husband is super flexible, she was fine and happy that I arranged something else.

The other mothers are either not working, or they work part time. Everything is very local, everyone has a car and can drive besides for one who is chassidish. Her dh drives the child in the morning to me. The mother walks from her job but I don't charge her for 15 to 20 mins of overtime every day that she comes late so I told her that just for 3 days she'll need to either take a taxi, or pay my assistant for the overtime. She is fine about it and so grateful that I don't charge her normally.

amother

Holly

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:24 am

There is a very large difference between someone feeling upset because they have to go to work 30 minutes later than usual And having your arrangements for your child no longer be safe. A child at that age will not feel safe in a different home. Likely the mother will have to stay longer if she wants to show her child that the environment is one she's comfortable with. Since you did not give them any time to find out about the new home, I cannot imagine anyone feeling comfortable with that arrangement.

amother

Petunia

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:25 am

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

Well said! This is what I've said earlier. OP is placing herself and her assistant's convenience above the children's and families. Other than a real emergency, there is really no excuse for this. You're dealing with toddlers here, who may not adapt to change so easily. You're dealing with parents life setup and addressing it in a callous manner. That's just not ok.

For the children's wellbeing, it's best to try to keep things as routine as possible. That's the first thought, and not what works best for the assistant. When you schedule a vacation, you need to take your job into consideration. If you're working with people, if you're working with young kids, you don't have the flexibility as other jobs. That's known from the start. So if a vacation is in order, you try to schedule it into the working calendar, such as during school breaks, summer breaks, YT breaks etc. If it's not possible, you give the parents notice with sufficient time, so they can work out alternate arrangements.

Giving the parents 1 business day notice for something pre-planned is just wrong.

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:26 am

amother [ Holly ] wrote:

Of course it's safe.
And they know my assistant well, I leave her with them often whilst I pop out to the local grocery store, or to make supper etc. Her house is safe. The kids will be fine, it's 3 days! He might just cry for a few mins...not the end of the world.

amother

Wine

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You're assuming that parents are fine with it without even having given them much of a choice. You're basically making parents calculations for them but leaving them out of the equation. It doesn't seem like you're dealing in a professional way. Will the kids be having summer vacation? My toddlers morah went on vacation during the kids mid winter vacation.
I understand you don't want to lose your tickets, but your commitment to the kide comes before your vacation.

amother

Petunia

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:30 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Reread what you just wrote. You're making all kinds of cheshbonos for your clientele. Do you really know what's going on in their lives, behind closed doors, that you feel comfortable strategizing their day for them? To be blunt, you are working on assumptions because you're wanting to make it work for yourself.

And if this is a vacation that has long been in the plans, why haven't you notified them earlier. You could have given them the heads up weeks ago letting them know that you'll be away from Jun x to Jun x, and have set up alternate accommodations. This would have given them the opportunity to either accept your alternate or make accommodations of their own. Now you may have forced them between a rock and hard place. Why?

amother

Impatiens

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 9:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

18 months to 2.5
Just 7 kids...

So in your opinion would the better option be to start playgroup half an hour later than usual inconveniencing the working mothers? Either way someone, probably more than 1 in that case would be upset.

IMO, yes. If I really couldn't find coverage, I would tell the parents that I tried really hard to find someone and couldn't so we're starting at whatever time. I would not charge them for that half hour.

imaima

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well then you ate selfish and irresponsible. This is very little time. Is your assistant‘s house far from your location? Could be some parents will be late for work because they need to shlep to a new plce and then the kids may quetch.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:01 am

I’m also English. And like I said I’ve done playgroup. More likely than not, most parents are just dealing with it and not speaking up, cos that’s our culture… but your attitude is really not okay to me. You did not give any notice, (erev Shabbos for Monday is not notice), “no big deal” that a child will cry, telling the mother to pay overtime now when that hasn’t been in place until now…. All these things just come off really entitled.
I’d rather have it start half an hour late, yes!
You’ve made a lot of assumptions here and probably upset parents. It’s not okay.
Look, I also changed location once, around the corner. I had construction and let the parents know about 2 weeks before that I felt kids would be safer at the assistants house, and we would tell the children, and they could go to see the place to lmk if there’s any objections and they’d rather stay at mine. No one said that they’d rather stay so we went. Less noise, no strangers (builders), calm environment and no building hazards. But this is for a vacation!

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:04 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Originally she said she'd pay me extra for being late every day, I didn't discuss it further and I don't mention it because its 2 kids, twins so that's like me reduction for them.

imaima

Fri, Jun 10 2022, 10:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You are making many many assumptions on other people‘s cheshbon.
Really not okay.
Its not up to you to assess if its fine for someone else’s child to cry for a few min longer
Etc.