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Not_in_my_town

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 9:50 am

JKL, beautiful, inspiring post. Thank you!

Wesley sounds nice.

There is a piece of emotional baggage that holds me back from really thinking of Monsey:

Everyone knows me as uber chasidishe here. I have fear of bumping into people who knew me one way and then will treat me as OTD because I've realigned. Yes, I know that's a weakness. But it's a real weakness. I don't want to feel sad and resentful from bumping into people who are going to make me feel less-than while I'm already dealing with so much in life.

Monsey has many members of the uber-chasidishe family who pushed me to become this frum and are now being judgy for my changes. They don't understand BTs at all. I pity them. They intents were good, the advice was terrible.

I need a fresh start. My kids need a fresh start.

So as much as Monsey makes sense, it also doesn't. Not yet.

And, one more part of the picture: I grew up on 7.5 acres with a pond and creek, and sheep and horses as neighbors. I really want to get back to the in-the-woods lifestyle but still be full frum.

That's why "the country" sounds appealing. My husband also wants to live on acreage at this point. So I guess we'll start looking there....

Thanks for all the thoughts.

doctorima

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 9:57 am

Another vote for Passaic. It's quite close to Monsey, and you won't be the only frum family there with dogs or chassidish levush. I don't know about Yiddish-speaking families though, so making sure the kids are not only comfortable in English, but can speak it fluently and without an accent will be very important.

Not_in_my_town

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 10:01 am

I always thought Passaic was more Modern Orthodox, no?

Purple2

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 10:05 am

Not_in_my_town wrote:

I always thought Passaic was more Modern Orthodox, no?

Passaic is also amazing- warm, accepting.
It’s not “modern” that’s the stuff you’ve been indoctrinated with.
It has a huge BT population which makes them open to education, and acceptance of all types.
I was thinking of it before, reason I suggested Baltimore over Passaic was that it’s not so pretty and country like.
It’s very close to monsey for jobs and things like that- so I think it’s a win.
Call rabbi Eisenman. He’s a tzaddik and can possibly help guide you

bernadette

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 10:16 am

alef12 wrote:

I second you finding a Monsey community that works for you.

We live in Wesley Hills

A chassidish family moved into our neighborhood about a year ago. Such nice people with adorable children. I'm The pretty sure the wife drives, the kids (boys and girls) ride bikes and play ball with the neighborhood kids. I don't get the impression they were running away from anything by moving into our neighborhood. They seem like nice normal frum people who deliberately chose a non chassidish neighborhood so they could just BE. About a dozen families in our neighborhood have dogs and no one would blink if they got one too.

I live in the middle of monsey, in a chassidish area and every child here plays ball and has a bike. You are more than welcome to drive around and watch for yourself. You won't find bikes in kaser village area, just across the street. Few women drive, unless you are a graduate of beis Shifra Miriam or beis rochel, like myself.
No op, middle of monsey is not for you, but outskirts are. I know a lot of out of the box chassidim who live in Pomona, harvestraw, garnerville etc

HakolTov

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 12:05 pm

Passaic/Clifton definitely does not have the acreage that OP is looking for, no?

First Lady

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 12:18 pm

Maybe it's the specific street in Monsey that you live on?
Because In Chestnut Ridge and Airmont and Suffern and New City, you'll find plenty of very fine Chassidish families where the women drive.

Java

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 12:21 pm

vrichards wrote:

Passaic/Clifton definitely does not have the acreage that OP is looking for, no?

No its actually really urban. Not much grass and trees to be found anywhere even on the really nice blocks.

Smile1234

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 12:40 pm

look into Hillburn NY, it might be a good fit.

Fave

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 12:44 pm

First Lady wrote:

Maybe it's the specific street in Monsey that you live on?
Because In Chestnut Ridge and Airmont and Suffern and New City, you'll find plenty of very fine Chassidish families where the women drive.

Women driving is one thing but having a dog is another.

Not_in_my_town

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 1:24 pm

Thanks for all the ideas. I've never heard of Hillburn. Will look into it.

alef12

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 1:56 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

I can't help your tramua and fear of running into anyone from your past. Though I would think if you shop in Wesley or Evergreen Pomona you'd be unlikely to.
I have chickens, rabbits, honeybees and a big garden here in Wesley Hills. It's not "acerage" but a beautiful suburban homestead. I have neighbors with goats too!

gande

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 2:05 pm

Would you consider Lakewood area? I’m not so clear but I believe some areas around Lakewood are more rural and there is a good Chabad school in the area. I find Lakewood is less judge mental than monsey.

mastermom

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 5:20 pm

Your reasons for wanting to stick close to Monsey are valid. If however, you are going to be looking further afield, Milwaukee might be a good fit for your family. I believe there are school vouchers there too, and housing is pretty affordable.

Not_in_my_town

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 6:30 pm

Yes. Milwaukee does appear to be the absolute perfect fit, but we want to try out somewhere else first. But Milwaukee is high up on the list for eventually.

mitzva

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 6:42 pm

shirachadasha wrote:

Fair Lawn, Bergenfield and Passaic have the potential to be a good fit. They're all different from each other but you could find the welcoming, non-judgmental approaches you're looking for.

Do not move unless your children are accepted into schools there.
Their are families who moved and were not accepted anywhere and ended up putting in their children in Chabad.

boat

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 6:46 pm

Check out Philly too

healthy18

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 7:56 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

Thanks. That was actually a thought I had in passing. Isn't it expensive?

Lol I thought Baltimore too!
Everything is becoming more expensive these days but there are definitely parts of town that are still affordable especially compared to Monsey.

Purple2

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 8:09 pm

Why don’t you rent out your house in monsey, and rent in your new location so you’re not completely tied to it yet

Not_in_my_town

Sun, Jun 12 2022, 8:13 pm

Purple2 wrote:

Why don’t you rent out your house in monsey, and rent in your new location so you’re not completely tied to it yet

We plan to rent out the house we already own, but don't want to rent in a new location for various reasons.

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