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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:23 pm
DS will be entering shidduchim soon.
We’re trying to figure out how many dollars we’ll need!
Let’s say he gets engaged to a very yeshivish girl in Lakewood. (DS is super yeshivish; he doesn’t text, doesn’t read Mishpacha on Shabbos because it has ads, always wears a hat and jacket to the supermarket or post office, etc)
How much should we expect to pay for the following?
Diamond ring
Bracelet
Sheitel?
Earrings?
Boys side of a wedding?
Afruf would probably be catered in out shul, with guests staying at my neighbors.
What else am I missing?
Just rough approximations would be very helpful! Thanks!
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amother
Tulip
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:41 pm
Biggest question of all - do you intend to help support the couple, and if so how much?
The wedding is a lot of money but it's a one time expense. Supporting them can last for years.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:44 pm
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SuperWify
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:45 pm
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | Minimum 10k |
No way. At least 20.
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amother
Wallflower
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:45 pm
amother [ Tulip ] wrote: | Biggest question of all - do you intend to help support the couple, and if so how much?
The wedding is a lot of money but it's a one time expense. Supporting them can last for years. |
But that’s a different question than what OP is asking. Maybe she has those numbers already and wants the one time expense numbers.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:46 pm
SuperWify wrote: | No way. At least 20. |
If they're only doing flops?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:50 pm
Thank you.
This is a separate discussion than potential support. (We’d be the boys side, is it typical for them to support)
I’m wondering:
About how much should I expect to pay for a Diamond ring?
Do people still give Diamond bracelets at the engagement?
Earrings at the wedding?
Do mothers of a chasson often buy the kallah a sheitel? More than one?
Any other typical gifts that I may want to know about?
TIA!!
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happy7
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:52 pm
We made a super simple wedding. Dresses from Gemach. No flowers. One man band. The wedding itself cost us (just for our side of expenses- we split most of the costs) $26000. Just the night of the wedding. Additional $10-15K for furniture and home set up. We bought only the basics of clothing and shoes. I am
Not including that in the costs. each side gave two months rent. Super super simple.
We did not host any Sheva Brachos nor an ufruf Shabbos. We didn’t have party favors etc. no fancy photographer. (In short, nothing like what you see on Instagram.)
If you are really planning, ask real people. Not magazine and not estimates. People who will generously share information of what they actually paid.
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amother
Steel
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:53 pm
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | If they're only doing flops? |
If you want decent flowers, band, photographer, you are going to pay a lot more than 10k…
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amother
Snapdragon
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:55 pm
$10,000 is just the first week.
Shadchanus, ring., bracelet .
I would say around $30000 and I am frugal.
Shadchan $2000
Diamond $3000
Ring $700
Flowers for vort $250 -$300
Bracelet $ 1800
Pendant for wedding $1600
Leicter$1200
Watch for birthday (no diamonds) $750
Machzorim siddur tehillim with name $1000
Hall was 50-50 takana night $10000
Invites and benchers $600
Stamps $300
Aufrurf $2000 (just kiddush, no meal)
Plus hat suits stefier
I did give $1500 towards a sheitel but most people dont.
If I made a meal at the aufrurf would have been another$4000.
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SuperWify
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Thank you.
This is a separate discussion than potential support. (We’d be the boys side, is it typical for them to support)
I’m wondering:
About how much should I expect to pay for a Diamond ring? Between 3-5k
Do people still give Diamond bracelets at the engagement? Yes. Around 1-2k
Earrings at the wedding? Or a Diamond necklace. Another 1-2k id say.
Do mothers of a chasson often buy the kallah a sheitel? More than one? No
Any other typical gifts that I may want to know about? Machzor tehillim siddur candlesticks
TIA!! |
Gifts alone can be 7-10k.
$3-5k simple Auf ruf
Suits gowns makeup hair Sheva brachos clothes ect.. all add up $??
FLOP another 10k minimum
A lot of yeshivish boys provide the car as well
I don’t know how you can make it cheaper then 20k and I must be missing something in my calculations. Also, I added the cheapest items and I’m sure things went up as well.
Honestly maybe 30k?
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amother
Raspberry
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:01 pm
Can't help you with prices, but I think the standard gifts are a diamond tennis bracelet at the engagement and a bar necklace for the yichud room. Other smaller gifts may include machzorim. You are going to hear all different ranges. The prices of a takanah hall in Lakewood will be very different from other options. My relative did a very simple takanah hall in Lakewood and did not do the sheitals - but not sure if that is the norm. She said the big expenses where the jewelry gifts and the ufruf. She also did not pay for setting up furniture as I believe they got it from a gemach or subsidized.
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amother
Watermelon
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:06 pm
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | If they're only doing flops? |
Ring, bracelet, leicheter, 1sheitel, yichud present - without wedding is $7000 absolute minimum
Very few ppl do flops anymore. The takanah halls split the cost between boy and girl bec ppl don’t do liquor or flowers anymore and just do one piece band.
Typically that is around 10k for boys side.
Also boys side many times buys the car
And may pitch in for some furniture. Like couch.
20k minimum. But 30-35k is more realistic.
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amother
Chestnut
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:09 pm
Since when does the boys side buy a sheitel? Never heard of that
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amother
Chestnut
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:10 pm
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote: | Also boys side many times buys the car
And may pitch in for some furniture. Like couch. | But very often they don’t buy either.
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amother
Watermelon
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:11 pm
amother [ Chestnut ] wrote: | Since when does the boys side buy a sheitel? Never heard of that |
I got married 17 yrs ago and my in laws (father in law still in kollel) gave my parents $1000 toward Sheitel. Afterword my parents heard it’s pretty common.
amother [ Chestnut ] wrote: | But very often they don’t buy either. |
I’m guessing this is very community specific. In more yeshivish learning communities money toward Sheitel, car, and furniture is done.
It’s not expected girls side give everything.
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:19 pm
I got bracelet, ring, pearl necklace, candlesticks, machzorim, and tehillim
No sheitel, furniture or car. I don't think it's necessary (or standard) to give that
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amother
Daffodil
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:28 pm
amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote: | $10,000 is just the first week.
Shadchanus, ring., bracelet .
I would say around $30000 and I am frugal.
Shadchan $2000
Diamond $3000
Ring $700
Flowers for vort $250 -$300
Bracelet $ 1800
Pendant for wedding $1600
Leicter$1200
Watch for birthday (no diamonds) $750
Machzorim siddur tehillim with name $1000
Hall was 50-50 takana night $10000
Invites and benchers $600
Stamps $300
Aufrurf $2000 (just kiddush, no meal)
Plus hat suits stefier
I did give $1500 towards a sheitel but most people dont.
If I made a meal at the aufrurf would have been another$4000. |
Umm no this is not frugal. My diamond ring was simple cost 1500. A simple bracelet for 300 flowers for vort was just a nice bouquet $80. No birthday watch. Leichter I got $400. Shadchan was 1000 from each side.
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amother
Burgundy
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:30 pm
At least 30k
We are chasidish. My parents paid closer to 50k.
Gifts mentioned above is mostly the same. They did make Sheva b and aufruf meals. 50/50 wedding night in takana hall. Shtreimal $$$. (They also gave us marrieds makeup for wedding night and about $300 for a gown.)
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amother
Stoneblue
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Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:37 pm
amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote: | $10,000 is just the first week.
Shadchanus, ring., bracelet .
I would say around $30000 and I am frugal.
Shadchan $2000
Diamond $3000
Ring $700
Flowers for vort $250 -$300
Bracelet $ 1800
Pendant for wedding $1600
Leicter$1200
Watch for birthday (no diamonds) $750
Machzorim siddur tehillim with name $1000
Hall was 50-50 takana night $10000
Invites and benchers $600
Stamps $300
Aufrurf $2000 (just kiddush, no meal)
Plus hat suits stefier
I did give $1500 towards a sheitel but most people dont.
If I made a meal at the aufrurf would have been another$4000. |
I guess frugal is all relative. We had no flowers by my vort. I didn’t get machzorim or a watch.
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