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Approx. How much $$$ do I need to marry off DS - yeshivish
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 3:38 pm
We are yeshivish and married off our oldest son a few months ago.

Gifts to the kallah: diamond bracelet at engagement, diamond ring, leichter, leather personalized siddur and machzorim, flowers for the Shabbos kallah, pendant necklace for yichud room. Totaled about $7,000.

We live in a large out of town community with a takana hall and split the chasuna 50/50 with the kallah's family as we are both local. Came out to about $10,000, with upgraded music.

Never heard of the chosson's side buying a sheitel and we did not.

Shadchanus was $1,000 per side. Chosson classes at BMG cost more than I expected.

Gowns for me and my daughters were from gemachs, but my son the chosson needed a lot of new clothing - suit, coat, hat, new shirts, shoes etc. Also needed new suits for some of his brothers and hair and makeup for me and the older girls, which adds up.

With the Aufruf, and we did things frugally, total for everything was close to $25,000.
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amother
Narcissus


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 3:50 pm
It depends a lot on where you live (accessibility to gemachs) and who your sons marries!!!
We paid about $1200 for bracelet and $800 for necklace (for yichud room)
Leichters were about $1000
Price of the wedding will vary greatly depending on who the other side will be and which hall you're able to get. I have a few sons married. Some expenses like gifts you can do whatever you want .
If kalla's parents book bais faiga hall and you follow "custom" of paying one third they pay 2/3 you can pay $4000 for hall.
If the only hall available is more pricey, it's only menshlich to pay more.
If your son marries someone with more means they'll probably want fancier things is not really shayach to offer to pay for the cheapest option (but they might help out the couple a little more after the wedding)
Furniture can be bought second hand or free on yad shniya.
We got gowns exclusively from gemach with very minimal costs. Same for my little boys suits.
We didn't use a caterer for the aufruf and made a kiddush in the house. I borrowed fancy tablecloths from gemach. Biggest expense was paper goods and chicken.
Some ppl contribute to sheitel, most ppl don't. One of my dil mentioned it a few times and I ended up buying her a $500 sheitel at a sale.
I would say $10000 is a minimum, even with being frugal . It's most likely closer to 20k.
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amother
NeonPink


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 3:55 pm
I would like to add that any numbers from last year - or last month for that matter - are going to be off. Everything has gone up tremendously!!!!
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amother
Tuberose


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:06 pm
I was about to sit down and eat dinner, but I totally lost my appetite when I started to read this thread. Thousands of Dollars?? Surprised I know we need to make our Daughters / Sons in laws feel welcomed and loved but the prices and amount of gifts is over the moon. I wish there were other ways to help the couples on their start.
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amother
Peachpuff


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:11 pm
My parents are in klei kodesh and probably poor by frum, in town standards.

They made my wedding for less than 25k, in Bais Faiga in Lakewood. Mostly everything we were able to get from a gemach. I had a beautiful wedding and didn't feel I was lacking at all.

The chossons side for a Bais Faiga wedding has to contribute less than 5k (except bouquet). I don't know how much my husband's family paid for everything else on top of that.

Just saying that if you want to it is possible to do it cheaply.
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amother
Watermelon


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:29 pm
amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:
Umm no this is not frugal. My diamond ring was simple cost 1500. A simple bracelet for 300 flowers for vort was just a nice bouquet $80. No birthday watch. Leichter I got $400. Shadchan was 1000 from each side.


Her prices are frugal to current standard.

Leicheter everyone gives silver - impossible to get for $400
Bracelet is expected to be real gold. Impossible for $300
Most kallah are not expecting fake kallah bracelet and leicheter and would be very hurt.

So while numbers aren’t frugal in general it’s pretty basic compared to what ppl do
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:49 pm
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
Her prices are frugal to current standard.

Leicheter everyone gives silver - impossible to get for $400
Bracelet is expected to be real gold. Impossible for $300
Most kallah are not expecting fake kallah bracelet and leicheter and would be very hurt.

So while numbers aren’t frugal in general it’s pretty basic compared to what ppl do


Bracelets nowadays are small diamonds tennis bracelet style, not gold
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amother
Watermelon


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:58 pm
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
Bracelets nowadays are small diamonds tennis bracelet style, not gold


The base is gold. I’ve never heard of the diamond ’dust’ in silver.
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amother
NeonPink


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:09 pm
amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:
My parents are in klei kodesh and probably poor by frum, in town standards.

They made my wedding for less than 25k, in Bais Faiga in Lakewood. Mostly everything we were able to get from a gemach. I had a beautiful wedding and didn't feel I was lacking at all.

The chossons side for a Bais Faiga wedding has to contribute less than 5k (except bouquet). I don't know how much my husband's family paid for everything else on top of that.

Just saying that if you want to it is possible to do it cheaply.

I was the chasans side and we made it in bais fayga. It's true that we paid less than 5k for the actual wedding, but there are a lot of other costs and it adds up. Gifts for the kallah. The aufruf (we had to pay for the use of the shul, the money for the kiddush and the money for the food, I cooked mostly myself). Gowns for the mother and sister, suits hats and ties for the father and brothers. We like to buy our son a full wardrobe before he gets married, so add that in. Then of course we contribute towards furniture (very basic), pay the shadchan, help out the couple afterwards.... even cheaply, it added up to close to 20k. I'm sure it's way more nowadays.
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:35 pm
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
I’m guessing this is very community specific. In more yeshivish learning communities money toward Sheitel, car, and furniture is done.
It’s not expected girls side give everything.
I’m from Lakewood
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:36 pm
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
Bracelets nowadays are small diamonds tennis bracelet style, not gold
Those things are a fortune
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amother
Watermelon


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:38 pm
amother [ Chestnut ] wrote:
I’m from Lakewood


Me too. I don’t know - I have many nieces and nephews getting married now. And friends marrying off kids. It seems pretty standard in lkwd. Not required. But common.
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amother
Maple


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:42 pm
For my very yeshivish brothers, my parents paid for very basic kallah gifts (engagement bracelet and ring) plus candlesticks. No machzarim, tehillim, sheitel, or yichud room gift (my brothers paid out of whatever money they had from working odd jobs, they did not get expensive diamond pendants let's just say). No furniture, no car, no help with rent. This is more or less what my parents' friends did as well for their sons, except maybe those few who are more well off.
I don't know how much they paid towards the hall/caterer, though I know they paid for the music and flowers--basically the kallah's bouquet, and then artificial flowers for the centerpieces. Unless a sibling was a teen or younger, the rest of us took care of our clothing/make up/hair.

I don't think my sisters in law have any complaints, or if they did, they were gracious enough not to verbalize them. They certainly seem very happy with their husbands and treat my parents with genuine respect and liking. Then again, they weren't super young kallahs straight out of sem (think around age 22) so they did have a bit more life experience and maturity. (And my brothers declined a chassan watch and shas or any of the regular expected gifts. Maybe they received a tallis bag, at most. So their in-laws were happy about that, I am sure.)

There are ways to cut back, if people are willing to do so.
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amother
Antiquewhite


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:56 pm
amother [ Narcissus ] wrote:
It depends a lot on where you live (accessibility to gemachs) and who your sons marries!!!
We paid about $1200 for bracelet and $800 for necklace (for yichud room)
Leichters were about $1000
Price of the wedding will vary greatly depending on who the other side will be and which hall you're able to get. I have a few sons married. Some expenses like gifts you can do whatever you want .
If kalla's parents book bais faiga hall and you follow "custom" of paying one third they pay 2/3 you can pay $4000 for hall.
If the only hall available is more pricey, it's only menshlich to pay more.
If your son marries someone with more means they'll probably want fancier things is not really shayach to offer to pay for the cheapest option (but they might help out the couple a little more after the wedding)
Furniture can be bought second hand or free on yad shniya.
We got gowns exclusively from gemach with very minimal costs. Same for my little boys suits.
We didn't use a caterer for the aufruf and made a kiddush in the house. I borrowed fancy tablecloths from gemach. Biggest expense was paper goods and chicken.
Some ppl contribute to sheitel, most ppl don't. One of my dil mentioned it a few times and I ended up buying her a $500 sheitel at a sale.
I would say $10000 is a minimum, even with being frugal . It's most likely closer to 20k.


When you say your daughter in law 'mentioned it' a few times, what do you mean? What is it?

She hinted a few times that you should buy her a wig? That's how I'm reading this.

Ewww.

This whole thread really has me feeling sick to my stomach.
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amother
Aconite


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 6:09 pm
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
Her prices are frugal to current standard.

Leicheter everyone gives silver - impossible to get for $400
Bracelet is expected to be real gold. Impossible for $300
Most kallah are not expecting fake kallah bracelet and leicheter and would be very hurt.

So while numbers aren’t frugal in general it’s pretty basic compared to what ppl do


Just want to say, that not everyone gives all these gifts. I grew up in a midsize OOT yeshivish community and many of my friends had parents in Klei kodesh. Majority did not receive a leichter. Most got a simple ring plus a very simple bracelet and that's it in terms of presents. Some of my friends got just a ring itself. They were all more than thrilled. No machzorim, no watch, no Sheitles- most of them started with just one, anyways. In town standards are different, but for the girls who truly are serious about living a yeshivish/kollel lifestyle- they will be happy with much less.
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amother
Vanilla


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 6:52 pm
We just made a weeding for a son bh.
My husband is in klei Kodesh.
Everything is a fortune!
Minimum minimum 30,000 including gifts.
(By us it was double - our aufruf cost us $12,000 - we have large families and had seudos plus a kiddush.)
It was important for us to make our kallah feel happy and like she was getting the ‘normal’ things other kallahs were getting.
Bh she was thrilled with everything (I did give her choices or ask her what ‘type’ she wanted) and is appreciative and keeps thanking us.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 6:59 pm
How is everyone getting a diamond ring for so cheap?????
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amother
Snapdragon


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 7:00 pm
amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:
Umm no this is not frugal. My diamond ring was simple cost 1500. A simple bracelet for 300 flowers for vort was just a nice bouquet $80. No birthday watch. Leichter I got $400. Shadchan was 1000 from each side.

When was your wedding in the last 3 months or a few years ago?
The wedding I made a few years ago was way cheaper and jewelry and expenses were way cheaper. Regarding shadchanus I believe they deserve every penny the get. I asked around and the going rate is between $1500 and $2000 a side in my circles.
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amother
Foxglove


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 7:01 pm
In the last month or two all prices have skyrocketed. This has to be calculated in.
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amother
Banana


 

Post Wed, Jun 15 2022, 7:15 pm
It is possible to do things low cost. My sister had a takana wedding in yeshiva spring valley. Her jewelry was silver, not gold. Simple pieces but elegant. I do not know what my parents spent but both families were on a tight budget. My sister is working and paid for some things like her sheitel and basic household items. Gowns were gmachs.
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